In the Light of His Glory and Grace

Four Years with My Groom~

2012-01-05T06:00:00.001-05:00

"I say I love you, I say I need you

I try so many ways to say how my heart beats for you

I say I'm always thinking about you

There's no way I'd want to face this life without you

And even though these words come from deep inside me

There's so much more I don't have the words to say

'Cause what I really want to say

Is what the sun would say to the sky

For giving it a place to come alive

But my words get in the way

Of what I really want to say

Oh, what I really want to say

I know that sometimes my words can be as hard as stone

And sometimes my words have left you feeling so alone

So please forgive me and hear the words I'm saying now

I will spend my whole life looking for a way somehow

To let you know just how precious you are to me

I'll use the best words I know but I still won't say it all

'Cause what I really want to say

Is what the sun would say to the sky

For giving it a place to come alive

But my words get in the way

Of what I really want to say

It's like a tale too great to be told

It's something that my heart can only show

I'm gonna take my whole life just to let you know

What I really want to say

Oh, what I really want to say to you

What I really want to say

Oh, what I really want to say"

(Chapman)

11 Lessons from 2011~

2011-12-29T19:16:00.005-05:00

I'm wrapping up more than a week of being off from work, of not setting an alarm each morning, and staying in my bathrobe until who knows when. The time has been enjoyable, restful, and much needed. The days have been filled with lots of rest, good food, time with friends and family (my dad was even in town last weekend!), and catching up on some quality reading and crocheting.
With all the extra time afforded me this week, I've thought much about what all has happened over the course of the year. How will I label or define 2011 in the years to come? What has marked this past year, and what do I see when I look back? Do I praise the Lord and see evidence of, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope..." (Jer. 29:11)?
As I reflected on these questions, I came up with this "11 from 11" list, a list of lessons learned over the past twelve months:

~

1. I have so much more than I deserve, and so much more than I acknowledge.

2. With each passing year, I am increasingly more aware of the Lord's grace and care for me through my husband.

3. Value the friendships you have; don't force those that simply are not going to happen (or have had their season).

4. The fear of disappointment can be utterly crippling.

5. I am not in control, from the minutest of details to significant, life-altering events.

6. I long for somewhere to call "home," and yet, wherever I am with my husband is home.

7. Opportunities for counseling may be scarce, but my desire has not diminished.

8. Reading books, both fiction and not, is good for the soul.

9. My tendency is to want my 20s over and done with, but the reality of 30 drawing near is a bit overwhelming.

10. When you think you are dependent on the Lord, He reveals to you just how much you are still relying on yourself.

11. 'The Lord is my portion', says my soul, 'therefore I will hope in Him.' (Lamentations 3:24)

~

The Lord is good, the Lord is faithful, the Lord is our Provider and Sustainer. I'm eager for what lies ahead as we close this chapter and turn the page to a new year.

Now it's your turn: what have you learned over the course of 2011?

Favorite Photo(s) Friday ~ The Holidays at Our House

2011-12-09T21:29:00.011-05:00

I'm not the only one who gets giddy this time of year ~ The minute that familiar green bin is pulled down from the closet (and believe me, they remember!), and I pull the lid off to start unpacking ornaments and Christmas decor galore, these girls start prancing around with an extra skip in their step. They really are the cutest dogs in the world, aren't they? (As I type, Big Dog is sacked out with half her body under the tree.)

This was the year to finally purchase a new tree! After six years of dreading the pitiful tree I had before, sifting through the color-coded branches and hoping those branches didn't fall off while tediously stringing lights around, it was time to invest in bigger and better. I adore the new tree - pre-lit, pinecones, and snow-tipped branches~

A little tradition we've kept up is purchasing a new ornament each year~

I'm not sure when it happened, but somewhere along the way I began hoarding snowmen. Can you blame me? Look at this fun guy!

My dear, cherished Christmas village. The decor in our home is not complete without setting it out, and having it on display always reminds me of family~

Although simple, our Christmas decor always puts a smile on my face and makes my heart happy. "Oh, there's no place like home for the holidays..."

1,000 Gifts~

2011-11-23T22:35:00.003-05:00

Is Thanksgiving merely one holiday out of the year...or is thanksgiving an indicator of how we live?

Thus the reason why I have launched into this experiment of keeping a thanksgiving journal.

The select few people who know me well, on an extremely intimate and kindred level, know that my general perspective on life can lean towards being rather glum. While I kid that I'm a "glass half-empty" kinda girl...there's more to that than I am often willing and ready to confront. The fact of the matter is, I can be quite overcome with all that is wrong in the world, all that is wrong in relationships, all the things I think should be in my life yet seem to be missing. The effects of this can be downright paralyzing at times. Just this weekend, I was so overcome and so down that I wasn't even up for attending our small group gathering (if you are reading this and part of our small group, I hope you won't take offense). I have come to know this more and more about myself, and my hope is that this will be an opportunity for emptying myself before God, for a complete shift in focus where I have failed to see His continual work and outpouring of grace in my life.

While in the aforementioned slump last week and into this previous weekend, one of those "kindred-level" friends suggested a book to me. My natural tendency would be to add the title to my ever-growing list of books that I have every intention of reading...someday. But for whatever reason, I got in my car the very next day during lunch, and purchased the book from the nearest bookstore. I won't give away the title just yet as I'm still working through it, taking my time to really reflect on what the author is conveying. I would summarize the premise of the book by something she recently posted on her own blog: "No one receives the peace of God without giving thanks to God." Wow...how often do we emotionally, and in our daily practical living, attempt to switch the order around? How often do I spin my wheels, looking around at the world, striving after peace as if striving after wind, and all the while failing to the acknowledge the One who has given everything--and given gladly and freely?

I know that I am in desperate need of a focus shift, a significant change in perspective, and that kind of transformation can only happen by way of God's grace penetrating the very core of who I am. He has proven faithful time and again, and promises to complete the good work He has begun (Philippians 1:6). As a very practical means of working toward a perspective shift, I have opted to put an exquisite, handmade journal to good use. My youth pastor made the journal for me (and one for my husband as well) as a graduation gift two years ago. Since his wife is the one who recommended the book on thanksgiving in the first place, I thought it rather appropriate to use the journal he made for this purpose. The journal is small enough to carry with me, so that I can have it nearby to pull out at a moment's notice; very practically speaking, it helps to have something easy to tuck away so that it's always nearby.

Seeing as this is the night before the holiday, I thought it an appropriate time to begin my thanksgiving journal (and to finally respond to the conviction that had been weighing on me). To give you a small taste of how both minute and grandiose the notes of thanks can be, my first day's thanks includes gratitude for a roof over my head, two four-legged friends, a sparkly Christmas tree, and eating graham crackers with my husband.

If you are someone who struggles with a perspective like mine, one so often marked by a lack of real gratitude, may this be of encouragement to you for adopting a similar habit. Here's another snippet from the author's blog:

"The life that counts blessings discovers it's yielding more than it seems."

Favorite Photo(s) Friday ~ Nali's 8th Birthday

2011-10-28T07:14:00.012-04:00

“Through my relationship with [my dog] I’ve come to see my relationship with God in a new way. At this point, non-dog-lovers may be rolling their eyes. But stay with me a moment. Scripture makes it clear that God’s creation helps explain who God is.… Is it surprising that God would choose to teach me about Himself through a dog? God the Creator chooses to reveal Himself – to show who He is, what He is like – through what He has made. In fact, His choice to teach me about Himself through a dog manifests the specificity of His love for me. He knew exactly how to reach me and did so lovingly.” ~R. McRae

Where I'll Be This Weekend~

2011-10-20T18:09:00.005-04:00

Thanks to an anonymous donation by a dear soul at our church, and to my husband who has graciously agreed to part with me for the majority of the weekend, I am pumped to be attending the national conference for the Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation! (And I'm grateful that the conference is being held here in the 'Ville to save the stress of travel and lodging expenses!)

Beginning tomorrow morning, the sessions/topics are as follows:

Friday:

~Making Sense of Complex Problems - David Powlison

~What is Going on Inside? Understanding the Human Experience - Ed Welch

~What's in a Name? Understand Labels and Diagnoses - Mike Emlet

~Psychiatric Disorders in Children - Julie Lowe

~What You Can Do to Help - Ed Welch

Saturday:

~Understanding Depression: Weakness, Willfullness, or Wisdom? - Eric Johnson

~Pastoral Care for Fearful, Needy People - Tim Lane

~Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall: Body Image Distortions - David Powlison & Julie Lowe

Sunday:

~Listening to Prozac? Understand Psychiatric Treatments - Mike Emlet

~The Local Church: A Safe Place to Struggle? - Tim Lane

May I learn much, receiving both insight and encouragement, from men and women who display such godly wisdom. The leaders at the conference are ones committed to teaching, writing, and counseling in their local churches. Now that I have been out of the counseling program for almost two years, not only will it be good to see professors whose classes I took at Southern, but to learn from those whose books and articles I have gleaned so much wisdom from. It will certainly be a jam-packed weekend, but I'm so thrilled to be going!

(Photo courtesy of CCEF)

On the Bedside Table~

2011-10-15T09:48:00.011-04:00

Do you have favorite spots in your house? Spots where you sit that evoke certain emotions or tasks? The chair closest to the window where you sip coffee and welcome in the morning sun? The corner of the couch where you read or watch a movie in the evenings, complete with your favorite soft blanket and the dog curled up at your feet? A place designated as your spot for journaling, reflection, reading Scripture? Well, I have such spots in our modest townhome. When you give certain rooms their own distinct purpose/personality, it makes the place feel more like home. Whether you're in the same house for thirty years, or in a transitional apartment for a matter of months, anywhere you are can feel like home. That has been one of my intentions during this season. For however much longer we are here, I want this townhome to be a place of comfort and rest. I want this place to feel like our home.

I have my favorite spot on the couch where I drink my morning coffee, bleary-eyed as I catch up on the morning news show. I have a spot just two feet away in the corner of the other couch where I crochet by lamplight (usually watching my favorite chic flick while I work the hook). The dining room table sometimes serves as my craft table, and I love it most when there is an abundance of sunshine and I can open the blinds. Something about the warmth of the sun pouring in through the window makes my soul happy. When I think of a place to read, to write, to pray and reflect, there is no other place I would rather be than upstairs in our bed. Since I was a young girl, my bedroom was a place of respite away from people and noise, a quiet haven with no distractions around. I've carried that into adulthood, and still savor the late-night hours as my time to spend with the Lord, studying, reading or writing.

In these years following seminary (it's still strange to me that I can measure the time in years now), that desire in me to always be a student has been renewed. Not only do I want to continue learning, but I want to take full advantage of the time I have been afforded to soak up and reflect on all I am learning and reading. I'm still working on renewing the discipline of journaling (and I am a believer that it is a discipline - a good discipline, but a discipline nonetheless), but I think that will come with more time and commitment. I have always been a voracious reader and writer, and I am thankful for the opportunity to dive back into all of that. Seminary certainly taught me that just because you are reading ten books at one time by no means ensures that your heart and mind are taking it all in. I have almost had to re-learn how to read for personal challenge and edification. Another benefit of now being out of the seminary context is that I am no longer pressured to read something to have it completed by a certain due date. While it would have been wonderful to glean encouragement and thorough instruction from all of the fantastic books I was tasked with reading for my masters degree, it just was not possible on most occasions.

Some people read one book at a time, while others read several spread out over a longer span. I have adopted a method of reading that allows for a variety of genres, but not one that is overwhelming. I make room for always reading something in three main categories: fiction, instruction/teaching, and reflection/devotion. All three are good for the soul, and having something to read in these areas is more important than the number of books I am reading. (I gave up being concerned with the number awhile ago, after I realized I was more focused on marking things off a list than gleaning anything of real value from what I was reading.) Having those three areas represented gives me more freedom to read just one book, or four, all depending on what I feel I am needing (or lacking) during a particular day or week. With that said, here are the books currently taking up residence on my bedside table:

Foundations for Soul Care: A Christian Psychology Proposal ~ Dr. Eric L. Johnson

I hold a Master of Arts in Biblical Counseling. The Christian psychology school of thought has some overlaps to that of biblical counseling, and Southern has professors who hold to both views. While studying, I was surrounded by students and faculty alike who strongly encouraged the biblical counseling method, yet I am now in a local church where Christian psychology is the more widely held perspective. I find it important familiarize myself with Christian psychology, not only as a challenge, but as a means of knowing the different views more thoroughly, knowing where they both differ and overlap, and to be better equipped in engaging others in conversation.

Emma ~ Jane Austen

Oh, Jane Austen, how do I love thee! One of these days I will be able to articulate why Jane Austen, and authors of similar style, are good for a woman's soul. More broadly speaking, fiction is good for the soul, expanding not only our imaginations, but broadening our minds to the beauty and glory of God. In very particular ways, authors of fiction reveal to us the dynamics of relationships, allow us to see life through the eyes of different characters, and expand our perspective on nobility, honor, family, and beauty. Novels can be an effective and unique means of pointing us to right versus wrong, displaying how good ultimately prevails over evil. The magic and wonder of fiction is welcomed into my heart and mind as it points me to the Creator of all things good and beautiful in this world.

A Severe Mercy - With 18 Letters by C.S. Lewis ~ Sheldon Vanauken

We have so very much to learn from the lives of others. Whether written from a personal account, or by an author who has done ample research for a biographical piece, I firmly believe that we have so much to learn from those who have gone before us. This is a book I have been eyeing on our bookshelf for a few years now. Vanauken knew C.S. Lewis personally, and the two gentlemen communicated during what was perhaps the darkest season in both of their lives. Both men knew true conversion, pierced by the irresistible grace of the Savior. Both also knew the great loss of their wives, women who embodied such joy in their life journeys. Reading of the life and loss, joy and tragedy, of others is a crucial reminder that "hope is the constant companion of perseverance" (E. Welch).

Depression: A Stubborn Darkness--A Light for the Path ~ Edward T. Welch

"Hope is the constant companion of perseverance." We were assigned this book to read during one of my courses at Southern, and I wanted to read back through it for personal reflection. At some point in life, every Christian will struggle with one form or another of depression. Whether from great suffering or loss, difficulty coping with an event or season in life, struggling for faith during a time of uncertainty or confusion, the struggle with depression is almost assuredly inevitable. If it weren't so, I don't think we would have so many psalms and passages of lament in Scripture. How often do we read of David asking the Lord to cleanse and examine his heart? Can we fathom those moments when Job cried out after everything was removed from his life, and in all of his questioning never sinned? What is good for us is to acknowledge that the struggle will come; doubt, confusion, anxiety, and fear will rear their ugly heads. Where will we turn when there is no end in sight, when we find ourselves in the valley of shadow? Welch first establishes that there are many causes of depression, one of which can be related to real medical issues. Once he has established that, he then devotes the rest of the book to what we would consider spiritual depression. He deals with both the internal and external factors that can cause us to find ourselves in this very real battle for the soul.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philippians 4:8)

Back to Posting After a Brief Hiatus~

2011-10-07T15:07:00.006-04:00

I know plenty of others who have faced the "What do I write about after a long hiatus?" ordeal when returning to their blogs after time away. And that is where you find me today - wondering what to write about since my last post three months ago. A dear friend (and a clever one at that!) asked where I had run off to since my last post (which, if you scroll down, had to do with running and pretty new shoes). Well, the reality is that I haven't really run off anywhere. Other than our long-anticipated and much-enjoyed time visiting family in Texas, we are back in the 'Ville with no definite end in sight to this season. We thought with near certainty that we would be heading further north shortly after arriving back here in July, but life can take a sudden turn at a moment's notice. Rather than go into the long explanation of the events leading to us not ending up in Ohio, I will let you read my husband's personal account of the very difficult and confusing situation we found ourselves in (and in doing so give a shameless plug for his new blog): "What Happened With Ohio."

In the days - and now months - that followed, I feel that he took the shock much better than I did. Maybe we handled it differently because of how it affected us. He took the brunt of it since he was the one who would have been that church's pastor. He is the one leading our family, and is making concerted efforts to move us beyond this transitional season. Here is how I processed things initially; I liken it to a memory from my job working at the hospital during our senior year in college. Families would come in with the patient being admitted, and while the patient was calm yet nervous, the families were often an utter nervous wreck. In the aftermath of Ohio not happening, I was a real mess of emotion some days, bouncing around from angry to relieved to confused to sad, with a lot more confused thrown in the mix than the others. I just didn't understand what had happened, what had gone wrong, even after we received a very gracious and heartbreaking explanation from the gentleman who led the pastor search committee at this church. Even in the moments of relief, I didn't understand. Why would God bring us so very close to launching into the church ministry our hearts have longed for, only to have the door slammed in our faces, and from a church very likely heading towards complete failure? Why was the one real hope for my husband finally stepping into a pastoral role in the context of a church barely making ends meet? Why, after two years of simply trying to get his foot in the door is my husband continually faced with churches whose criteria he just doesn't quite meet? Why are search committees even the ones given such a great and serious responsibility anyway? The questions continue to come on those days when I find myself more reserved and caught up in my own thoughts. I don't understand, I may not ever understand. And perhaps the most scary question of them all: Is all of this church searching worth the effort, worth the pain and waiting and wondering? Scary, but honest...

Once the initial impact passed and the reality of an unknown timeline set in, I was made keenly aware of the truth that I have a choice to make. I can sit idly by, waiting for tomorrow, not investing my time or energy or heart into anything while we anticipate when and where the next chapter may occur...or I can taste and see that the Lord is good. The verse goes on to say, "Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!" (Psalm 34:8) I can embrace this season as one of rest granted by the only One who knows my weary and confused heart completely (Psalm 139:23-24). I can direct my thoughts toward being grateful for what my husband and I have been given: my wonderful job where I continue to grow and excel, a place to live with a fridge that's (usually) full, a good small group at church who collectively desires to encourage one another, family to support us even from hundreds of miles away (and who I miss now perhaps more than ever), two dogs that bring us such simply joy and lots of laughs, and we have each other. I have never known my husband more, known his daily joys and deepest struggles more deeply, and I have never loved him more than in recent months.

On those days when idleness is the easiest temptation to slide into, I want those to be the times when I fix my attention and affections on the Lord:

Still my soul be still, and do not fear though winds of change may rage tomorrow.
God is at your side, no longer dread the fires of unexpected sorrow.
Chorus: God You are my God, and I will trust in You and not be shaken.
Lord of peace renew a steadfast spirit within me to rest in You alone.
Still my soul be still, do not be moved by lesser lights and fleeting shadows.
Hold onto His ways with shield of faith against temptations flaming arrows...
Still my soul be still, do not forsake the Truth you learned in the beginning.
Wait upon the Lord and hope will rise as stars appear when day is dimming...
(Keith & Kristyn Getty)

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
His mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
"The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in Him."
The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
to the soul who seeks Him. (Lamentations 3:21-25)

Running? Me?

2011-06-08T18:41:00.009-04:00

Never have I ever ever ever had the desire to take part in rigorous excercise of any sort. Never. Ever. I remember as a child my parents having to practically throw me outdoors to get my nose out of books, prying pens and markers out of my hands, just do something active. Then during my silly-girl teen years, I dreaded the idea of sweating. I wanted to *glisten* but not sweat...Gross. Marching band was about as far as I got in regard to any kind of real activity, and that unfortunately lasted just two short seasons. As we grew through high school and college, I admired my best friend in her efforts to run, and for her overall diligence in making time for exercise in her busy schedule. For me, though, my tagline has always been, "Yeah, I do better just walking, you know, the lighter aerobic kinds of activity." Don't get me wrong - I do love walking. I love walking outdoors with no time limit, taking in the sights around me, soaking up the sun, listening to the otherwise missed sounds of creation around me. But in all honesty, the easy fallback of claiming to do better with lighter activity has been a total excuse. I have rarely been inclined to push myself beyond my comfort level, and often give up before I really even get going. The lack of discipline has been an issue as well, thinking up reasons as to why I just don't have time and can't fit one more thing into my week.

So why now? Why did I decide just a couple of weeks ago that I would start running? Not purchase a new workout DVD, not go to the fitness center and hop on the elliptical - no, the decision was to run. (For a day or two there I thought I was having a brief mental break, but the feeling soon passed.) After days and weeks and months of feeling completely blah after long workdays, only to come home and sit my tail on the couch in my pj's as soon as humanly possible, I was done. I was tired of being tired, tired of feeling awful, and wanted to do something that made me feel better physically (and emotionally and mentally). My husband was also a significant encouragement; after watching me become increasingly more lethargic and generally feeling more down, he encouraged me to get out and start running with one of the dogs. He knew I would feel better, and knew I could do it as long as I applied myself. And was he ever right!

The first evening I went out to our neighborhood was merely a test. I wanted to get out and just see how my body would respond to higher impact, how long I could run before needing to walk again, and just learn how I responded to high activity level. I didn't get very far - at all - but I wasn't discouraged and had a good idea of how far I could push myself and then hopefully increase over time. My dad was in town last weekend and, being the avid runner he is, he went with me to a running store to buy the bee-a-utiful kicks pictured above. Those shoes have made such a difference in how my feet and legs feel when I run, and I'm all the more motivated to keep up this new challenge!

The commitment to running has helped me enjoy life more. As I noted above, I have a bad habit of coming straight home from work, complaining that I'm tired, and using that as my justification for doing absolutely nothing for the rest of the evening. Similar to walking, it gets me outdoors to enjoy the world around me. The neighborhood is often quiet when I go, but my best friend also suggested that I try listening to music. I never understood why some claim that running is like a spiritual discipline to them, but even in my brief introductory attempts I'm beginning to understand. There is something simultaneously freeing and challenging about getting out there, feeling my heart beat strong in my chest, feeling the wind against my face as I press on, feeling the very breath the Lord has given course through my system. It's an intriguing experience. I'm contemplating keeping a journal for this journey - nothing fancy, but at least a log of my progress, as well as notes on what setbacks I experience and personal growth along the way. I'm eager for this experience, and in no rush to run a 5k in three days~

Chip

2011-05-03T09:02:00.003-04:00

My husband and I never really knew Chip Stam, but he was one of those rare individuals who knew no stranger. Chip was a professor at Southern Seminary, pastor and worship leader at Clifton Baptist Church, and a man who radiated the love and joy of Christ. Absolutely radiated. Through testimonies from those closer to him, and even through my own limited interactions, it was evident to all that he was a man whose love for Jesus was infectious and who sincerely delighted in worshipping our King. Even after his initial diagnosis in 2007, Chip faced his battle with cancer smiling and knowing that the victory was already won. He was diligent in keeping friends near and far updated through an online journal, and his wife posted the letter yesterday informing loved ones of his passing on Sunday: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/carlstam. In her letter, she references his favorite passage from the Heidelberg Catechism:

Q. What is your only comfort in life and in death?
A. That I am not my own, but belong—body and soul, in life and in death—to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ.
He has fully paid for all my sins with his precious blood, and has set me free from the tyranny of the devil. He also watches over me in such a way that not a hair can fall from my head without the will of my Father in heaven: in fact, all things must work together for my salvation.
Because I belong to him, Christ, by his Holy Spirit, assures me of eternal life and makes me wholeheartedly willing and ready from now on to live for him.

~~~

My clearest memory of Chip was from three years ago, roughly a year after his diagnosis. One of mine and my husband's favorite worship groups, Indelible Grace, was in Louisville and had a concert at Clifton Baptist. We happened to sit in the pew right next to Chip and his lovely wife. At this time in his cancer journey, Chip was wearing a brace which wrapped around his entire torso and was held in place by velcro. I will never hear "Come Ye Sinners" without thinking of Chip keeping in time with the music as if he was a one-man band: tapping his foot and drumming the beat on his brace. (I'm pretty sure I heard him messing with the velcro straps a few times, too!) Such a memory really holds in my mind who he was and how others saw him: a man who loved to worship, no matter the trial, and did so with overwhelming joy.

~~~

In following the news of his passing yesterday, several songs from Keith and Kristyn Getty were running through my mind throughout the day. Chip was always one of their biggest fans, and they were huge fans of his in return. One of the last memories of him being out in public was at the Christmas concert they held at Southern's Alumni Chapel just this past December. We were in the balcony, and Chip had situated himself on the front row. The Gettys made it a special point to acknowledge his presence there, and to honor him as a man who had so richly encouraged and supported them over the years.

~~~

The man with the infectious joy, the one who absolutely radiated the joy and love of Christ, is now with the King. While his family and close friends are sorrowful over such a great loss, those of us who are in Christ rejoice, and at times even weep, to think of him beholding the One whom He so fervently loved and honored with his life. Glory and praise to God for giving us such an example even if for a brief time. Chip has entered that eternal rest, and is now worshipping in perfect song:

There is a higher throne than all this world has known,

Where faithful ones from ev'ry tongue will one day come.

Before the Son we'll stand, made faultless through the Lamb;

Believing hearts find promised grace—Salvation comes.

Hear heaven's voices sing; their thund'rous anthem rings

Through em'rald courts and sapphire skies, their praises rise.

All glory, wisdom, pow'r, strength, thanks, and honor are

To God our King, who reigns on high forevermore.

And there we'll find our home, our life before the throne;

We'll honor Him in perfect song where we belong.

He'll wipe each tear-stained eye as thirst and hunger die.

The Lamb becomes our Shepherd King; we'll reign with Him.

(Keith & Kristyn Getty)

Going Under the Laser

2011-04-04T21:04:00.005-04:00

While I was called brave for going out in public so soon after, I can't say that I'm brave enough to post pictures of the procedure. Maybe I'll be brave enough one of these days, but not today! In the meantime, I decided to post this picture that one of my best friend's tweaked just a few days ago (and because it's one of my current favorites of my adorable husband!):

So what exactly was this procedure I had just over three weeks ago?

First, a little back story that led up to this big decision:

Almost two years ago, my husband accompanied me to my bi-annual appointment at the Tuberous Sclerosis Clinic. Upon entering the waiting area and signing, we couldn't help but notice a woman sitting in one of the chairs. She was there alone. This isn't the type of clinic where I have seen patients there by themselves, so this woman and the absence of a friend or family member struck me. Not only was she at the clinic alone, but I also momentarily observed her complexion. If you're one who knows me well enough, you would see the large red areas on my jawline and cheek. It's an area that gets more puffy in the heat of summertime, and hurts considerably if I have even the slightest breakout on the skin there. Well...that red is what covered this woman's entire face. It made me sad to see her in the waiting room by herself...

In comparison to testimonies I have read and people whom I have met personally, I have it easy. Considering the common symptoms and how much more painful (emotionally and physically) things could be, I count myself fortunate to only have some of the more mild manifestations of TS. I go every five years to have an MRI of my brain, and a scan of my chest and kidneys to ensure that all is okay internally. Externally speaking, I have the primary skin manifestations which have gradually worsened over time. With each passing year, I notice the overall condition of my skin worsening ever so slightly, and the redness becomes more noticeable (and painful depending on where it's located).

While some claim to hardly notice the imperfections, I see my skin in the mirror every morning and night. Some days I would consider myself fairly content, but most days I look and wonder what if. What if I had a more smooth complexion, areas that weren't so sensitive to the slightest irritation...what if my face wasn't so red and textured...what if I had some guarantee that my skin would not continue to worsen over time? If I'm not hearing the Gospel, if I'm not hearing that I was beautifully and wonderfully created, I'm prone to the downward spiral of self-pity. And this is where my husband comes in - my nurturing, comforting, truth-speaking husband. My husband calls me beautiful not to merely make me feel better about myself, but because he believes it. He believes that beauty is more than skin-deep and that, even with imperfections I can do little to nothing about, I am lovely. I struggle to hear that on the days when I'm not clinging to the Truth that I am created in the image of God. My husband desires that I see myself as he sees me (and as HE sees me), and that my imperfections are not cause for me to think less of myself. With all of this at the foundation of his encouragement, he has continued to support any decision I make regarding treatment options. He knows that anything considered "cosmetic" would be a leap for me, a step of faith both physically and emotionally. After many months of thinking through my options (and often over-analyzing all that "cosmetic" means in my head), I decided to schedule a consultation with the plastic surgeon affiliated with my dermatologist's practice.

After a very comfortable discussion with the doctor, I was even more certain that this particular procedure would be a good option. Not only was she understanding of my concern that it wouldn't work, that I would not see the change I was hoping for, but she also understood my concerns regarding the cost and frustration of dealing with insurance. She gave me plenty of information upfront so that I would know all the facts about what I was going to have done. So just a couple of weeks after the consultation, I scheduled the procedure date. The doctor performed what is referred to as a CO2 laser procedure, one of the primary treatment options for those who experience the skin manifestations of Tuberous Sclerosis. The laser literally vaporizes the skin, as well as collapsing blood vessels. I will spare all the details, but she went layer by layer on my skin for the larger areas, some of which were much more deep than others. While I was awake during the procedure, I was far from coherent! We laugh now that I don't remember all that much from the first two days following the procedure (and that I scared two little boys while walking out to the parking garage!), what with the medications they gave me, the exhaustion I had from anxiety leading up to the procedure, and the simple fact of my body healing after something so intense.

Leading up to the day, we were a little overwhelmed by all of the post-op instructions we were given. There were very set steps, especially during the first week, for healing fully. From cold gauze treatments every three hours to applying two different ointments to my face (affectionately referred to as "the goopies") to elevating my head when I slept to not being in even indirect sunlight...we were overwhelmed. But little did we know just how tiring those first couple of days would be. Because I was so helpless during those first 48 hours or so, I was all the more overwhelmed and grateful for my husband's care. He slept a total of three hours during the first three days, all for the sake of ensuring that I was comfortable and that we were following the post-op instructions. He handled all of the cold gauze treatments, applied the ointments on my face, and served me the food that was brought to us from our dear church friends. Once I began feeling more like myself, I realized the impact of how much my husband had done. I was amazed and moved to tears numerous times during the week following the procedure as I thought of all he had to done for the sake of my comfort as I slowly began to heal.

I continue to heal and wonder about the end result. I see small steps, but I'm also a near-sighted individual who lacks patience. At my followup appointments to come I will have a better idea of how the doctor thinks things are going and if I will possibly need additional spot treatments down the road. The resurfacing of my skin is already noticeable, but the other more intense areas will simply take longer. This procedure has taught me alot about myself and where my heart is. I wouldn't recommend this kind of thing to just anyone, simply because there is an internal struggle with whether or not an individual puts misplaced value in the results. I know that I won't be a better person because my skin is pretty. I know that I won't be more valuable as a person or to others because of a "flawless" complexion. What I do know is that I am at a place where I was able to take advantage of a wonderful opportunity. More than anything, this process of healing provided a time for real and sweet rest, as well as growing even closer to my husband. The first time I shed a tear wondering if this procedure would be worth it, his response was, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." He has always faithfully encouraged and pointed my heart towards Christ, and this experience has been no exception. He makes me want to be brave~

Crocheting & a Little Lesson in Sanctification

2011-03-21T21:04:00.011-04:00

I finally finished it! After months of work, setting it aside, coming back, working some more, setting it aside, etc., I finished my very first crochet project. I knew back in...August that I wanted to make this baby blanket for my best friend in celebration of her daughter's birth. October rolled around, and the blanket I planned to completely surprise her with when I visited remained unfinished. After six long months, the blanket was taken to the post office for delivery (and I still managed to pull off the surprise!).

Much to my own surprise, this little endeavor wasn't just another experiment with a new craft in my hands. I learned more than I would have ever anticipated.

Do you want to know a secret about me...? The secret is this: I am not a disciplined person... At all. I have a natural tendency to do just enough to get by when faced with a task or new project. I know my natural strengths, put forth that much effort, and set it aside the minute I'm faced with the next big step of moving beyond my initial strength and diving into a new challenge. This has happened at some point with virtually every subject or art I have set my mind to: certain spiritual disciplines, piano, vocal training, schoolwork, and various other crafts I have attempted. When faced with a challenge, I simply set it aside and return to that which I'm more comfortable with and naturally inclined toward. (And this is why I will forever strive to encourage young people to press on when faced with new challenges beyond their natural abilities - this advice coming from a woman who regularly kicks herself in the pants for not persevering when I studied piano all those years ago!)

When I began working the very first row of this baby blanket pattern, I simply was not getting it. I couldn't see the difference in a single vs. double crochet, my hands fumbled all over the yarn and hook, and I found very little enjoyment in the project before me. On a number of occasions, I was tempted to pack it all up and redirect my creativity back to scrapbooking. However, through much prayer, I kept pushing through. I knew I had to finish this blanket: not just for my best friend and her precious baby girl (although they were, of course, of utmost importance!!), but for myself as well. I learned anew the very rich benefit there is to be discovered when we push ourselves beyond our natural talents or abilities. To this day, I regret not possessing the discipline within to continue studying piano. What do I have to show for it now? An early-intermediate understanding of how to play that was stopped short all because of my lack of perseverance. This blanket was GOOD for me, and a completely unanticipated time of growth in my relationship with the Lord. Even crafts as simple as crocheting a baby blanket for a friend can serve as a means for real growth. Thank You, Lord!

~~~

Join Me in Prayer!

2011-02-04T14:46:00.001-05:00

"In adopting we model for children and others the mercy and the justice of God.
We model mercy because we freely choose to love this child, no matter what. Many adoptions happen sight unseen. The child passes no test. He is loved freely without meeting conditions. We don’t base our choice on what we see. We love because we have been loved. This is mercy." ~J.Piper

(Photo courtesy of Pandaleidoscope)

(Photo courtesy of Pandaleidoscope)

Please pray with me this weekend for this precious family. They have been caring for the priceless little girl whose hand is pictured above off and on for the past year. Her presence has renewed their hope in the adoption process, and their daughter (in the above picture with me) has already come to see her as a little sister. If all goes accordingly, this chubby, joyful, beautiful toddler will be placed in their home on Tuesday - as in four days from now. This has been a long and painful process. They long to finally have her home, and I long for her to finally be in her forever home as well. I cannot help but reflect on the greater picture and meaning of adoption when I think of my husband and when I think of this "Panda Family." They have meant more to me than words can express, and I have witnessed this journey they have been on with both tears and eager expectation!
~
To the Panda Family: I was reading articles and sermons this morning, and came across this excerpt from a letter John Piper wrote to his wife just prior to adopting their daughter. I wanted to share it with you as it resonates with all of our prayers for you personally, for the future of your family, and for this little life that will soon come into your home:
~
"With this common conviction we will, God willing, embrace our new daughter and give ourselves, with all the might that God inspires in us, to love her into the kingdom. May the Lord establish the plans of our hearts, and bring [her] (and the future husband God already knows) into deep and lasting fellowship with Christ. May she be an ebony broach of beauty around your neck, and a crown of purity and joy on your head..."

Three Years In

2011-01-08T10:52:00.003-05:00

"'I do' are the two most famous last words, the beginning of the end

But to lose your life for another I've heard is a good place to begin

'Cause the only way to find your life is to lay your own life down

And I believe it's an easy price for the life that we have found

And we're dancing in the minefields

We're sailing in the storm

This is harder than we dreamed

But I believe that's what the promise is for

So when I lose my way, find me

When I loose love's chains, bind me

At the end of all my faith, till the end of all my days

When I forget my name, remind me

'Cause we bear the light of the Son of Man, so there's nothing left to fear

So I'll walk with you in the shadowlands 'til the shadows disappear

'Cause he promised not to leave us and his promises are true

So in the face of all this chaos, baby, I can dance with you

Let's going dancing in the minefields

Let's going sailing in the storm

This is harder than we dreamed

But I believe that's what the promise is for"

(from Andrew Peterson's "Dancing in the Minefields")

~~~

Our wedding anniversary falls just after everyone is ringing in the New Year, January 5th, and for that I am glad. I'm glad because the two celebrations lend themselves to much time spent reflecting on our how our marriage has been over the course of the previous year: where we've been, where we are, and where we desire to be as the journey continues on. This year is no exception as we've found ourselves having long conversations into the wee hours of the night, both reminiscing on good memories and also doing the hard work of examining our own hearts. Where I'm certain our culture - and really the whole of this fallen world apart from our Savior's redeeming work - has things wrong is centered around this truth: entering into marriage means entering into something that isn't about you. How much of what we do - the contexts we place ourselves in, the people we choose to surround ourselves with, etc. - is about what fills our selfish wants? How much of what we do and want and think has our own self-promotion (acceptance, pleasing others) or self-preservation (security, removal from the potential of people finding out who you really are) as the end goal? The mind-boggling, counter-cultural reality of Christian marriage is that you're making a promise to put another human being above your own wants and needs, all the while seeking your ultimate satisfaction together and individually in Christ alone. Embracing that and running hard after Christ together involves much heart work, the kind I would so often prefer to avoid, and many of those late-night talks. And they're all worth it. Those talks are worth lack of sleep, worth realizing that you don't have it all figured out, worth acknowledging that you were wrong and are in constant need of grace.

In the note I left for him on Wednesday morning, I thanked my husband for saying "I do" on that day three years ago and for saying it everyday since then. He has loved me and led me in ways I could not have hoped for, and in ways I would have never imagined were for my good. Thank you, my husband - my groom, for leading and loving me well. You love me as I am, yet continually challenge me to press into Christ all the more. Thank you for the journey thus far, and for leading me in the dance even when I stumble ~ All my love ~

Snapshots from Christmas Day

2010-12-30T08:52:00.001-05:00

Being the big kid that I am, I was awake by 4:30am Christmas morning (partly due to a snoring dog on the floor next to our bed), but forced myself to stay in bed until 6:00am. My husband and I went downstairs and thoroughly enjoyed the breakfast he prepared before we dove into our stockings and presents~

Maia's annual jingle bells ~ She has surprisingly come to enjoy wearing the collar, and we're convinced that she likes hearing herself jingle down the hallway and up and down the stairs~

The surprise gift my dad sent to my husband ~ the gift he's wanted since he was a little boy!

When we purchased our Blu-Ray player a few weeks ago, I had just one requirement: "Beauty and the Beast" under the tree on Christmas morning, and I got it!

The Sheltie posing with her momma's annual Sheltie calendar~

Nali was beside herself (we have the video to prove it!) when we placed her new bed in the floor, and that's pretty much where she stayed the rest of the day. I challenge anyone who would argue that our dog doesn't know what Christmas is~

Christmas lunch with friends at our lead pastor's house~

A truly sweet time with our church family!

This silly girl makes us all smile!

My husband made a new friend while us ladies were cleaning up the kitchen after dinner~

Singing some Gettys music after dinner~

I'm not the only one with the family tradition of all the ladies gathering in the kitchen to cleanup after the big meal!

Oh, how I love these sweet friends!

~~~

We were feeling pretty homesick leading up to Christmas, especially since we wouldn't be seeing our family during the holidays for really the first time ever. Being asked to spend Christmas with friends from church ended up being a real treat, and made us so thankful for our "family" here in Louisville.

Lyrics & Reflection on Light Shining out of Darkness

2010-12-23T21:22:00.006-05:00

Labor of Love

(from Andrew Peterson's "Behold the Lamb of God")

It was not a silent night

There was blood on the ground

You could hear a woman cry

In the alleyways that night

On the streets of David's town

And the stable was not clean

And the cobblestones were cold

And little Mary full of grace

With the tears upon her face

Had no mother's hand to hold

It was a labor of pain

It was a cold sky above

But for the girl on the ground in the dark

With every beat of her beautiful heart

It was a labor of love

Noble Joseph at her side

Calloused hands and weary eyes

There were no midwives to be found

In the streets of David's town

In the middle of the night

So he held her and he prayed

Shafts of moonlight on his face

But the baby in her womb

He was the Maker of the moon

He was the Author of the faith

That could make the mountains move

It was a labor of pain

It was a cold sky above

But for the girl on the ground in the dark

With every beat of her beautiful heart

It was a labor of love

~~~

As the Christmas season and week have so suddenly crept up on me, I'm thankful for the moments I've been afforded when I can pause and reflect. The image I've had in my head this season has been that of light shining out of the darkness, and how that night in a cold cave in Bethlehem changed the world forever. I reflect on how very harsh that night must have been: no sterile and safe hospital, no friends surrounding them in the midst of their fear, no certainty of where they would go from there...just a simple man and woman bringing this baby into the world, a baby whose birth would change the course of human history. A baby who would go on to shatter the sting and victory of death. It's hard to wrap our minds around at times, but then there are moments when we get a glimpse of the personal nature of that night. This has been a difficult year for me and my husband, and I am brought to a place of peace and rest and hope when I think on Jesus' birth. On the darkest of days, there is the hope of light breaking through the darkness. I read the familiar account of Christ's birth in Scripture, wondering if this is how Mary and Joseph felt. At the end of that dark night, they were given the gift of life in the birth of their baby, and that baby was the Giver of life Himself. What a miracle - "...the baby in her womb, He was the Maker of the moon, He was the Author of the faith that could make the mountains move."

Favorite Photo(s) Friday ~ A Night with the Gettys

2010-12-10T14:38:00.005-05:00

(Last three photos courtesy of the Gettys' FB fan page)

~~~

The concert we attended last night was such a treat. The last time we saw Keith and Kristyn Getty in concert was a couple of years ago when they released their album "Awaken the Dawn," and I was ecstatic that they were returning to Louisville for a Christmas concert. While we weren't able to get better pictures, I did manage to meet Kristyn afterwards. She signed the songbook I purchased, and I was able to share with her (very) briefly why I have been so encouraged by their music these past few years. One of the wonderful blessings I have experienced since being in Louisville has been exposure to such rich worship music. I was telling her in our brief minutes together that as a woman who has also been compelled to lead others in corporate worship for many years, I often felt like something was missing from so much of the contemporary music we hear in churches today. After being introduced to such worship groups as the Gettys, worship leaders who share a love for timeless hymns and a commitment to music saturated with the truths of Scripture, I realized what I had often sensed was lacking. There is such a need for music in our churches to point us to the Savior - to our need of the Savior, and I have been encouraged in a very personal way by the music of Keith and Kristyn Getty. Here is just a sample of some of the music they have written (the song they left us with at the close of the concert):

Celtic Christmas Blessing
~
Now may the fragrance of His peace

Soar through your heart like the dove released

Hide in His wings oh weary, distant soul

He'll guide your spirit home

~
And may His love poured from on high

Flow to the depths of your deepest sigh

Oh come and drink from the only living stream

And on His shoulder lean

And may the hope that will not deceive

Through every pain bring eternal ease

There is no night that can steal the promises

His coming brings to us

~
So may His joy rush over you

Delight in the path He has called you to

May all your steps walk in Heaven's endless light

Beyond this Christmas night
~

Favorite Photo Friday ~ The 7-Year-Old Puppy

2010-10-29T13:56:00.002-04:00

This is how I found my puppy at the end of her 7th birthday last night. Having a birthday is hard work! Goodness, I love this dog...

Favorite Photo Friday!

2010-10-22T11:14:00.010-04:00

In honor of the fall season and good friends:

"Besides the rarity of finding someone you instantly click with, it just takes a while to get comfortable. It takes a while to be able to do nothing together, to not feel like you have to entertain. There's something re-energizing about connecting with friends who have known you for several falls.I knew this was my favorite season for a reason."

(Borrowed with permission from Tulips & Avocados)

I owe an actual post to the wonderful weekend I spent with my dearest friend two weeks ago, but wanted to share this sweet picture for now. I treasure her so much, and am thrilled to see her as a new mommy in just over two months from now!

Reflections on "Counting Stars"

2010-10-18T12:33:00.003-04:00

(I've had one of those months wherein I have come to this blog time after time wondering what to write about next. Between visiting a friend, fighting seasonal sickness, and continuing to seek peace and rest during this season of uncertainty, I have had ideas but nothing that has resulted in a coherent post. I still have several saved drafts just waiting for the click of the "Publish" button, but I thought this would be a good place to begin.)

~
A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to attend a concert with some of my closest friends from church. Not only were we all feeling the need for some getaway girl time, but there was a free Andrew Peterson concert being held at a church in Lexington. We each eagerly anticipated the road trip over, and the day away did not disappoint. Already filled to the brim with fun car conversation and Mexican food, we found our seats in the church sanctuary. As the stage was being set and those friends already more familiar with his music were chatting excitedly with each other, I silently prayed that my heart would be encouraged and refreshed by the music we were about to hear. I felt like my heart was in need of such refreshing, the kind that oftentimes only music can so uniquely bring. I knew this was going to be a sweet and memorable evening when Andrew began with this song:
~

MANY ROADS

If you’ll step inside this great glass elevator

It’ll take us up above the city lights

Where the planet curves away to the equator

I wanna show you something fine

You can see the roads that we all traveled just to come here

A million minuscule decisions intertwined

Why they brought us to this moment isn’t clear

But that’s all right, we’ve got all night

CHORUS

Could it be that the many roads you took to get here

Were just for me to tell this story and for you to hear this song

And your many hopes, and your many fears

Were meant to bring you here all along

So If you’ll trust me with your time I’ll spend it wisely

I will sing to you with all I have to give

If you traveled all this way, then I will do my best to play

My biggest hits (Don’t I wish)

And if you’ll lend to me your ear I’ll sing ‘em pretty

I will never, ever sing ‘em out of tune

And I will not forget the words, of any chorus, bridge, or verse I promise you

CHORUS

‘Cause it could be that the many roads you took to get here

Were just for me to tell this story, and for you to hear this song

And your many hopes, and your many fears

Were meant to bring you here all along

BRIDGE

We've got Benjamin to play that grand piano

If we’re lucky it’s a little out of tune

We've got Andy on the guitar ‘cause I promised him

Some Texas barbecue (and disc golf too)

How I love to watch you listen to the music

‘Cause you sing to me a music of your own

As I cast out all these lines, so afraid that I will find I am alone, all alone

CHORUS

Could it be that the many roads I took to get here

Were just for you to tell this story, and for me to hear this song

And my many hopes, and my many fears

Were meant to bring me here all along

~
An indicator of truly good music is when you find yourself pondering the lyrics days later, reflecting on the weight of the message. This first song is such an example: here you have this simple, catchy song welcoming and thanking those of us in attendance, but there is so much more to what Andrew was trying to get across to us; the seemingly smallest details of our lives - events, hopes, conversations, fears - are part of the journey the Lord already intended for us. How comforting and encouraging that is to hear from a fellow brother on this journey of faith. I remember feeling this way during a concert I attended at my college church back in 2003; I walked in thirsting for encouragement, and came away pondering the music days and weeks and months later (Derek Webb's She Must and Shall Go Free tour). Little did I know that night back in 2003 that I was sitting next to my future husband, and my true feelings for him were confirmed during that concert... How little we often know about what God has in mind for us, in the most mundane and significant events. What we do know is that He will meet us in those moments when our need is great. While traveling to that Andrew Peterson concert weeks ago now, I knew my heart was in need of the kind of encouragement I often receive from music. The Lord knew my desire, and was kind to meet me there~

Favorite Photo(s) Friday!

2010-09-17T22:16:00.008-04:00

We had a sweet gathering on Tuesday night, a first for the women's ministry at our new church home: Ladies Dessert Night!

I have been so thankful for this church merger, not only for all of the potential my husband and I see, but because the Lord has continually used this as a means to remind me of the wonderful women in my life. Tuesday night was especially sweet as it was such a picture of Titus 2 - older women encouraging and teaching the young. We heard so many wonderful stories from these women who have been wives and mothers, and who have lived in this neighborhood their entire lives. One lady told us of being five years old when her family joined the church, that all of her children were married at Franklin, and that she now lives in the house her father built in the 1930s. Another woman told us of her nine children (one girl and eight boys!), and how she and her husband were compelled to take in a child from the neighborhood who had lost his family. So much history, so much to take in and from which we can learn so much! I pray that such fellowship continues to grow in the days and months and years to come!

~We Will Never Forget~

2010-09-11T09:55:00.003-04:00

Where were you? (Previous post from September 11, 2006)

~A Really Kindred Spirit~

2010-09-10T10:16:00.004-04:00

"Anne tipped the vase of apple blossoms near enough to bestow a soft kiss on a pink-cupped bud, and then studied diligently for some moments longer.
'Marilla,' she demanded presently, 'do you think that I shall ever have a bosom friend in Avonlea?'
'A--a what kind of friend?'
'A bosom friend--an intimate friend, you know--a really kindred spirit to whom I can confide my inmost soul. I've dreamed of meeting her all my life. I never really supposed I would, but so many of my loveliest dreams have come true all at once that perhaps this one will, too. Do you think it's possible?'"

~L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

Today is my very best friend's 28th birthday, and I find that I am missing her terribly. We talked on the phone just two days ago during our normal time: she's commuting home from work, I am just pulling into a parking spot after my own long day, and we fill up the all of the time we're given right up until it's time to start cooking dinner. Even with the frequent phone calls, there are just certain days and weeks when I feel the distance more than others. We haven't actually seen each other face to face since January 5, 2008, but the hope is to remedy that in October when I hopefully visit her!

This past Sunday, mine and my husband's small group got together even though our leaders were out of town. Since this was a different gathering than normal, the couple who volunteered to lead decided to take a different slant on our time together. The exercise was for us to each tell the rest of the small group about ourselves, as if we were meeting each other for the first time. They asked us to tell everyone about ourselves...in sixty seconds. Well, you can guess that sixty seconds doesn't exactly allow for much time to delve into our life stories (especially for those who tend towards being long-winded...*ahem*...me), which ended up being part of their purpose in having us share. After everyone in the room had spoken, our friends then asked us to switch gears and in four minutes share the "what I didn't tell you" about ourselves. Wow. I don't know when I have heard our small group be so candid in this setting, and my husband and I found ourselves both encouraged and burdened by what we heard. We love our small group dearly, have grown to love them even more in recent months, but this was the first time I felt like I saw the "true self" behind the person. I have gotten to know a couple of women on a personal level as dear friends, but this was a definite first in the context of our small group gatherings.

One of the personal things I mentioned was the loneliness I have been dealing with recently. Between the good days of patience and trust, and those when I find myself "fighting for joy," I have at times paused and found myself feeling very alone. Not having anything to do with my husband (my best best best friend), I have moments when I long for a friend whom I can call at a moments' notice for coffee and conversation. After our small group finished sharing, we divided up the men and women to spend more time praying for one another. As I was praying with the wonderful women around me, my heart was filled with thankfulness. In that moment, the Lord showed me just how much He has blessed us with such an honest, intimate group of friends.

The dear friend who prayed for me during this closing time mentioned something that brought tears to my eyes. During her prayer over me, she asked the Lord to bless me with a "bosum friend, just like Anne and Diana were bosum friends, really kindred spirits." Upon mention of one of the most cherished novels in my book collection, I began thinking on the precious friendships the Lord has provided. I often refer to my best friend as "my kindred spirit," pulling the reference from our mutual affection for the Anne series. Such friends are rare, and I personally had the added blessing of her being part of the closeknit group of friends I have had since early adolescence. Because of how early on these bonds developed, I feel at times as if I have forgotten how to make such friends. But then...were any of these friendships formed out of my own doing, my own insistence at forcing a relationship that had not existed previously? When I look back on such friendships, and the ones that are developing in my life now, I can see such evidence that the Lord knits us together in more natural circumstances. He uses unanticipated events, random conversations, seemingly common interactions, and other means to cross our paths and knit us together.

Some friends have come and gone, some friendships have yet to be formed, but one thing I know; my best friend is irreplaceable. The miles have separated us for many years, but even distance cannot separate a friendship the Lord has so uniquely woven together.

Dear friend ~ I love you, I am thankful for you, I wish I could be there to celebrate with you. I am thrilled to witness the Lord's hand in your life as He continues to work in you, maturing you and drawing you closer in intimacy and dependence on Him. I know you're nervous and there is so much uncertainty ahead, but I have no doubt in my mind that you will be a wonderful mother. I know you will be wonderful because you know that your strength and ability only come by God's grace. I hope you have a sweet and memorable 28th birthday, and I love you "to infinity and beyond!"

~Our Source of JOY~

2010-08-26T09:01:00.001-04:00

“It is a source of joy to the Christian, that the Crucified is now the glorified—that He rose triumphant from the grave, and ascended into glory—that he is seated at God’s right hand, to wield the scepter of the universe, and to appear as the High Priest and Intercessor of His people.
Oh! this thought has been a well-spring of joy to the believer. It has nerved his faith in many a hard fight—it has imparted sweetness to many a bitter draught.
Jesus within the veil—the changeless Friend—the sympathizing Brother—the undying, ever-living Head—who has promised to His people, all-sufficient grace now, and certain, endless glory hereafter.”
~J. MacDuff, The Throne of Grace

A "Jeremiah Moment"

2010-08-25T14:00:00.005-04:00

(I considered labeling this a "Lamentations moment", but I didn't want to give people the idea that this is a season of lamenting, of weeping and wailing and groaning. By no means... However, I would like to consider this a "Jeremiah moment" since he was the one who possibly authored the book from whence the reference comes.)

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,“therefore I will hope in him.”
The Lord is good to those who wait for him,to the soul who seeks him.

~Lamentations 3:24-25

This third chapter of Lamentations has become my food the past two weeks, as I have continually come back to the precious reminder of how good it is to wait on the Lord. One might wonder how in the world waiting can be a good thing, how our tendency towards impatience and anxiety can be a good thing, but that's just it: we are brought into seasons of waiting in order that we might draw closer and wait upon Him.

The Lord has also been good to remind me of the sweet fellowship my husband and I are in at our church, of the sweet friends He has provided as a means of His grace. Upon arriving at work one morning last week, I read an email from one such dear friend. She wrote to me that morning for the simple purpose of letting me know that she is praying for me and my husband, and had read a devotional that brought us to mind:

"Waiting is much more difficult than walking. Waiting requires patience, and patience is a rare virtue. It is fine to know that God builds hudges around His people - when the hedge is looked at from the viewpoint of protection. But when the hedge is kept around one until it grows so high that he cannot see over the top, and wonders whether he is ever to get out of the little sphere of influence and service in which he is pent up, it is hard for him sometimes to understand why he may not have a larger environment - hard for him to 'brighten the corner' where he is. But God has a purpose in all HIS holdups. 'The steps of a good man are ordered of the Lord'" reads Psalm 37:23.

When we learn to wait for our Lord's lead in everything, we shall know the strength that finds its climax in an even, steady walk. Many of us are lacking in the strength we so covet. But God gives full power for every task He appoints. Waiting, holding oneself true to His lead - this is the secret of strength. And anything that falls out of the line of obedience is a waste of time and strength. Watch for His leading.

Must life be a failure for one compelled to stand still in enforced inaction and see the great throbbing tides of life go by? No; victory is then to be gotten by standing still, by quiet waiting. It is a thousand times harder to do this than it was in the active days to rush on in the columns of stirring life. It requires a grander heroism to stand and wait and not lose heart and not lose hope, to submit to the will of God, to give up work and honors to others, to be quiet, confident and rejoicing, while and happy, busy multitude go on and away. It is the grandest life 'having done all, to stand.'" (Author Unknown)

After this sweet expression of encouragement, I was drawn yet again to Jeremiah's words in Lamentations, and actually thanked the Lord that He has us in a season of waiting:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. (3:22-23)

If you are in a season of waiting, take heart and reflect on things for which you have much reason to praise. You may not be able to see over the hedge surrounding you, but He sees and knows, is leading and has His plan in mind for your future. (And I say this not just to anyone who might be reading, but over and over again to myself!)

Thoughts for Thursday ~ "I've Come to Realize..."

2010-08-19T15:50:00.004-04:00

I was originally a little annoyed that this post was taking me so long to complete (roughly five days), but upon finishing I am glad I took my time. This was a good exercise for me personally, as each element challenged me and to pause and examine my heart. Thanks to PandaMom for passing it along~

~~~

I've come to realize that my body is...a purposeful design by a wonderful Creator. On my worst days, I see the flaws that diet, exercise and makeup can’t fix. I see the flaws that would cost thousands of dollars to fix, and even then the fix wouldn’t be a guarantee. On my good days, I walk into the bathroom and meditate on the passage my husband taped to the mirror as a reminder of the truth:
For you formed my inward parts;you knitted me together in my mother's womb.I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.Wonderful are your works;my soul knows it very well.My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret,intricately woven in the depths of the earth.Your eyes saw my unformed substance;in your book were written, every one of them,the days that were formed for me,when as yet there was none of them. ~Psalm 139:13-16

I've come to realize that my job is...a greater provision than I could have anticipated five years ago. Not only am I thankful for the company I work for, but the stability of my job has been sufficient for my husband and I to finish seminary and support us during this season of church searching and waiting. I’ve also personally grown in ways that were needed but definitely unexpected!

I've come to realize that I need nothing more in life than...Christ’s death and resurrection!
I will not boast in anything, No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ, His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart, His wounds have paid my ransom

I've come to realize that I've lost my mind...when I walk around the grocery store only seeing the things that truly matter – chocolate, donuts, candy, cookies, etc. (and then go home crying because I didn’t buy anything that constitutes an actual meal), when I stop myself just before pouring coffee into my cereal bowl, when I wear mismatched shoes to work (thankfully this one hasn’t happened in awhile), when I grab a spoon to eat a salad with…it all sounds at least slightly off kilter, right? Well, these things seem to only occur within the timeframe of a particular week each month, so I just blame my lost mind on Eve...

I've come to realize I hate...opinions voiced with a total lack of perspective. I myself am guilty of this at times, and it can be so hurtful and uncharitable. Even when people aren’t necessarily meaning to hurt another person, we could all from time to time do well to stop, take a step back, and think of a particular issue within the framework of a larger lens. I’ve come to realize that oftentimes when I am complaining, or I overhear someone else griping, it comes down to a lack of perspective on the circumstances at hand (and by extension, a lack of grace and humility)~

I've come to realize that money is...not an evil in and of itself. As a post-seminary wife, it has taken many hard lessons for me to realize that money is not my enemy. God is always providing in the ways He deems best for us, and I am responsible for my personal stewardship of what He has given. Money is not the issue; my heart is the issue. I am thankful the Lord has been at work on me in this area, and I know that what matters most is that my husband and I are being as wise as we can with what we have been given~

I've come to realize that I'll always remember...my husband and I driving around our college town in his Ford Mustang with the windows rolled down listening to music during our first year dating - the day I looked into the cardboard box in a W@lm@rt parking lot to find the cutest puppy ever created - my dad and I dancing around the house and singing at the top of our lungs to classic rock when I was a kid - my brother and I dancing around the house and singing at the top of our lungs to Disney music when I was a kid - embarrassing my friends in public as often as the occasion allowed - being introduced to the world of scrapbooking by PandaMom and Funderstorm - the day I found out I was going to be an aunt - my mom and I reading books together before going to bed - going to Israel at the age of 15 - going to East Asia my junior year of college (and falling in the middle of a classroom full of students during that trip!) - going to Istanbul my senior year of college - receiving those first emails from then-boyfriend-now-husband during the Istanbul trip - taking part in all of my dearest friends’ wedding celebrations - being at the airport the day the Panda Family came home with Panda Girl - the day I packed up and moved to Louisville - picking up the most precious Sheltie puppy I’ve ever seen from the airport - the car accident that ruined my trusty ‘Jack Black’ - receiving the phone call confirming the diagnosis of Tuberous Sclerosis after finding a small tuber on my brain - sitting in my first livingroom in Louisville with then-boyfriend-now-husband and crying at the weight of what Tuberous Sclerosis meant for our future - the first time he said ‘I love you’ - reading the letter he had handwritten to me the night he asked me to be his wife - the doors of the sanctuary opening and walking down the aisle toward my groom as the tune of ‘Amazing Grace’ filled the air - our very first home together as husband and wife~

I've come to realize that my sibling...has come a long way. We are all so proud of all the progress he’s made this past year, and both eager and somewhat nervous to see how things go come December. For now, we pray, hope, and continue to encourage!

I've come to realize my mom...is a wonderful friend. We had some pretty rocky years while I was growing up, but by God’s grace that is no longer how our relationship is defined. We are veeeery different from one another in some ways, but I have grown to appreciate who she is as a person, and the wisdom and motherly advice she provides. My mom is also my favorite person to relax with – just me and her sitting on the back porch drinking coffee~

I've come to realize my dad...is sacrificial and always seeking the well-being of others. I didn’t appreciate that as much as I should have until my seminary years and getting married, but both my husband and I see the incredible source of support he is and we’re both so thankful! (I also love it when he comes to visit us, and every night he’s with us I leave him and my husband downstairs while they have conversations into the wee hours of the night – that just makes my heart happy.)

I've come to realize my cell phone...is a wealth of tools and quick access to FB and maps and information galore! I really do try not obsessing over it, reacting every time I hear the chime of an incoming email or text, but my husband has informed me that I respond to the chimes even in my sleep!

I've come to realize when I woke up this morning...I should have woken up sooner, but that’s the story of my life during the work week. I tell myself I’m going to get up at a certain time, but consistently stay in bed for another 30 minutes, and then I feel that much more rushed getting out the door! You’d think I would learn by now…

I've come to realize last night...(night before last now) was a sweet reminder of how thankful I am for our friends here in Louisville. We had an extremely relaxing and enjoyable evening just hanging out with our Tuesday night crew, watching a movie, eating desserts, drinking coffee, and some of us ladies crocheting. Yes, I’m truly thankful for them, and even moreso during this particular season of our lives~

I've come to realize right now I'm thinking about...the blanket I’m attempting to crochet, my very first crocheting project! It definitely doesn’t come as naturally to me as scrapbooking did, but I think I’m finally starting to get the hang of it! I think certain crafts and hobbies are dying arts which deserve to be revived~

I've come to realize today...came a tad too quickly for my sleepy head, but I’m enjoying it for what it is, and am SO thankful for the lack of humidity outside! I really do try to enjoy summertime...as long as it’s warm and breezy outside~

I've come to realize tonight...will likely be an evening of either reading or crocheting (or both!). I have thoroughly enjoyed evenings spent with my husband and I both working at our hobbies of choice side by side. Now the only question remains is whether or not I’m going to be motivated to cook (I’m definitely a work in progress when it comes to being in the kitchen)~

I've come to realize tomorrow...will take care of itself, and that the Lord’s grace is sufficient for today. “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?” ~Matthew 6:25ff

I've come to realize I really want to...serve alongside my husband in a local church as soon as the Lord ordains (so the lesson in the meantime is patience and trust!). I also desire to be a mother, to experience my husband being a father - for us to parent a child together! - whether the Lord blesses us through adoption or having children of our own~

I've come to realize my children...are not deserved, but will be undeserved gifts if the Lord chooses to provide in that way~

I've come to realize the best music to listen to when I'm upset...is instrumental, praise and worship, or hymns. There are often moments when I cannot seem to articulate my feelings or thoughts, so I just naturally turn to music. Instrumental often brings images to mind, brings rest to the soul, and praise and worship or hymns are so often sweet and necessary reminders of the Truth~

I've come to realize that my friends...are instruments of grace and truth. Each person in my life to whom I refer as a dear friend has had a very specific place in my life, whether due to the particular season or the ways in which the Lord has gifted them to minister grace. And whether near or far, I am forever grateful~

I've come to realize that this year...is a mystery past, present, and future. Growth in trust and patience has become a daily process for me like never before~

I've come to realize my husband...is a gift above and beyond all I could have ever hoped for or imagined! God in His providence and grace knew the exact time to bring this man into my life, and I wouldn’t take back a second of our years together thus far for anything in the world. There is no one on the face of the earth I would rather walk this journey with, and no one reflects Christ’s love for the Church the way he does. He’s the first person I want to share my thoughts with, the first person I want to share exciting news with, and the person I can’t wait to see when I get home from work each day. I am continually encouraged, convicted, cherished, and loved. My husband always has my ultimate good in mind, even when my heart wants to reject the truth. I am a better person because of him. And all because of God lavishing His grace on us~

I've come to realize maybe I should...be more thankful for what I have. Thankful that I have a home when I’m washing dirty dishes, thankful for my job when I’m working on a monotonous project, thankful that my medical condition is not worse when I’m complaining about my skin, etc. My husband’s so much better at genuine gratitude, and I am thankful that he is so good to remind me!

I've come to realize I really don't understand...golf. I don’t get it, it makes me want to fall asleep, and just hearing people converse about it makes me want to drop my head on a desk and start snoring at an obnoxious level…

I've come to realize my past...is included in the greater testimony of God’s work in my life. As much as I would want to ignore or wish I could have done things differently, I know now that everything has been part of His greater plan. Even the painful events, and the times when I responded selfishly in my own sin, were orchestrated as part of His saving work in my life. I couldn’t always say this, but the Lord has truly freed me from past guilt and regret, and one of my deepest desires is to encourage others who come from a painful past with the same beautiful reality – that anyone who is a follower of Christ is a testimony of His glorious grace~

I've come to realize parties...have an appropriate time and place depending on my mood. I went from being an off the walls girl in high school and college, a social butterfly who wondered what was wrong with me if I was alone at home on a Friday, to a woman who carefully chooses when to and not to be social. I have learned to value rest and relaxation when given the opportunity, and rather than feel depressed when I don’t have an event planned, I savor the quiet time I am given~

I've come to realize my life...is a gift that should not be taken for granted. I have realized over time just how much of my life is wasted worrying and complaining rather than praising the One who gave me this life. I have SO many things to be thankful for, and I want my life to be characterized by a grateful and satisfied heart!

Things to Ponder as a Not-Really-Newlywed

2010-08-16T12:15:00.000-04:00

As we have now well surpassed the two-year anniversary of our glorious and perfect wedding day, we can see the three-year mark closer on the horizon. When I look ahead to that upcoming day, less than six months away now, things feel...different. Did you feel different when you turned 18? 21? 25? (Or another "milestone" for my older friends?) Certain birthdays have just felt unique to me thus far - the feeling of finally reaching adulthood, of finally really really reaching adulthood, and then hitting the mid-20s and realizing that I might feel at least a hint of relief when the weirdness of the 20s is over. What I am pondering now is the idea that my husband and I are sort of coming out of this season when we are considered "the newlyweds." Sure, when we hit the three-year mark this coming January we will still be young and naive in the eyes of many (including our own!), but it still feels very different than the newness of those first and second years. I am sensing more now the reality of permanance, the reality that we are committed to one another and this life together for the rest of our days. With that sense of permanence comes a deeper conviction of my daily need of grace, as well as increased excitement for however many years the Lord affords us in this life. On the most quiet, mundane of evenings, I find myself glancing over at my husband next to me on the couch, and thinking, "Wow... He is my best friend, my husband, and I get to spend the rest of my life with him!" While a simple statement , the reality of it all is incredibly profound.
~
Thanks to a few friends posting a link on the Book that is Face, I came across an encouraging blog entry, one that I hope brings encouragement and conviction to wives of any age and at varying stages of their own marriages. The post comes from the Mars Hill Church blog, and is entitled "18 Lessons from 18 Years of Marriage." Having been so encouraged, I printed a copy of the post to keep in my journal. Only by God's daily grace can we live with another sinner saved by the same grace, putting their needs ahead of our own and do so gladly with their good in mind. Here are Grace Driscoll's 18 lessons from her perspective as a wife:

Make time with Jesus your first priority, husband second priority.
Be intimate often.
Be willing to have hard and honest conversations, and pray for Jesus to make them fruitful.
Pray for wisdom often.
The enemy is always ready to divide you during trials. Don’t let him; cling to Jesus and each other.
Forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive …
Don’t enable his sin, but pray for wisdom in timing and words, and be respectful when addressing it.
Be a woman of inner and outer beauty.
Make your home a place of retreat and rest.
Study your husband, appreciate, value and respect him, especially when you don’t “feel” like it.
HAVE FUN.
Pray against lies. Memorize the truth of Scripture.
Spend regular, meaningful time together. Invest in the relationship.
Don’t let bitterness set in if you are hurt or frustrated; dig up the root and pray it through.
Be an attentive and available listener.
Be teachable and willing to submit.
Set your heart and body toward your husband and don’t let either wander.
Repent often and allow trustworthy people to speak into your lives.

Times They Are A-Changin' & Favorite Photo(s) Friday

2010-07-30T11:19:00.008-04:00

The fact that today is already July 30 blows my mind! Ever since returning from our travels to the Homeland, things have been in hyperdrive. More evenings than not are spent socializing, attending meetings (my husband, not me), discovering new hobbies, and trying to keep our dogs at least mildly entertained in between going here, there and everywhere. We are daily reminded that this is a very uncertain season, but in that I pray we continue trusting in and depending on the Lord for wisdom, patience, and guidance~

We attended a get-together this past Tuesday to bid farewell to yet another couple who are moving on from Louisville and our church family. I only wish we could have gotten to know them a little better through our small group and other times of fellowship, but the time we have shared has been sweet. Both husband and wife are such glad and willing servants to others, and I know that they will be such a blessing wherever the Lord leads them. They are moving back to Austin where they are from in hopes of finding job and ministry opportunities there. The gathering on Tuesday was personally bittersweet as I was reminded that my husband and I aren't currently among those with set plans of when and where we are going next. For reasons still unknown to us, we are still in Louisville and searching for a cheaper place to live here in the city, rather than scheduling a time to move away due to a ministry opportunity.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart."~Jeremiah 29:11-13

Make me to know Your ways, O Lord;

"Teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation;

For You I wait all the day long."~Psalm 25:4-5

This coming weekend marks a significant turning point in the life of our church. I mentioned in a previous post that our pastors were in discussions regarding a potential merger with another local church. After months of prayer and transition meetings, we will be having our first worship service this Sunday under our new church name. Our pastor will still be the lead preaching pastor, and I will still gladly assist the lead worship pastor in leading the music on Sunday mornings. In addition to the anticipation of what's in store for us as a church body, my husband is also going to be teaching the youth this Sunday! In all of the transition team meetings he has attended, we weren't expecting to be told that the congregation we are joining with has around ten students ranging from ages 11-16 with no dedicated teacher. Is this why the Lord has had us linger for longer than we had anticipated? Maybe, but regardless of what we don't know, what we do know is that my husband has been given an opportunity to teach. I am eager to see what comes of this open door to leading students, and personally thrilled that he is finally going to be able to exercise that gift of teaching I love so much about him! (And I might have jumped around the room when he first came home and told me he was going to be teaching...just maybe.)

In the midst of this season of changes and uncertainties, my husband and I couldn't think of a better time to try out new hobbies! My newest hobby, thanks to my lovely church friends, is crocheting. Several friends have already been either crocheting or knitting, so I thought I would give the bandwagon a try. Lessons learning in my attempts? 1) Just because you're skilled at one craft (i.e. scrapbooking) does not mean you will magically perfect another craft on your first attempt! 2) Crocheting is good for one's personal sanctification; an excercise in extreme patience and taming the tongue! And while I have been sitting on the couch at night, cursing the yarn and needle in my hands, my husband has been busying himself at our craft table. On any given night of the week when we don't have an event planned, you will find him at the craft table surrounded by paint supplies and an army of miniatures. He purchased these miniatures to paint, which are also part of larger and complex tabletop game. This is something he has wanted to invest in for years, and the game is one that can be played with just one other person or an entire group of people. Allow me to boast about my husband for a moment - I have been amazed at his skill! He is able to take a paintbrush and make these figures come to life! He's offered for me to try my hand at one, but I just know I would make a royal mess out of one of those 25mm miniatures - so I just sit back impressed at his work :)

~

In conclusion to this slightly schizophrenic post, I want to share a song that has been playing in my head throughout the week. As we take this season of waiting a day at a time, I am increasingly more aware of my desperate need of grace. And rather than praying for more grace, I have asked the Lord to make me more aware of His grace that is sufficient and abundant for today's every need. He gives more than I am often aware of and is good to show me such need:

In every station, new trials and new troubles

Call for more grace than I can afford

Where can I go but to my dear Savior

For mercy that pours from boundless stores.

CHORUS: Grace upon grace, every sin repaired

Every void restored, you will find Him there

In every turning He will prepare you

With grace upon grace.

He made a way for the fallen to rise

Perfect in glory and sacrifice

In sweet communion my need He supplies

He saves and keeps and guards my life...

To Thee I run now with great expectation

To honor You with trust like a child

My hopes and desires seek a new destination

and all that You ask Your grace will provide...

(S. McCracken, The Builder and the Architect)

Overcoming the Money Funk ~ My Financial Testimony (So Far)

2010-07-22T10:13:00.000-04:00

Upon receiving the call from the car place last Friday afternoon, I sent my husband a text with the news:

"Well, they found more wrong than just the brake pads...After all parts and service, it's going to be about $350..."

He immediately called me at work to ask how I was doing and if I was okay with the amount. Whether or not you pay with cash, check, or throw it on the emergency credit card, $350 is no small chunk of change (at least not in the minds of recent seminary grads!). After hearing the tone in my voice when I assured him I was fine and we would just have to take the hit, my husband who knows me so very well was quite surprised at my level of calmness. In the midst of a season when we are on a tight budget with one income, more than likely moving apartments to one less expensive in November, him searching on an almost daily basis for church postings, I didn't snowball into what we have affectionately come to know as "the money funk."

~~~

For quite some time, years perhaps, I have viewed the idea of a financial testimony as something one can't declare until they have arrived at the end goal (whatever that end goal may be). I would hear stories of individuals and families reaching the enormous goal of getting themselves completely out of debt, and would think to myself, "Hopefully some day my husband I will have a story to tell, too." Call it the results of my upbringing or the fruits of an ungrateful and worry-filled heart, but I have always been a "glass half-empty" kind of girl and very short-term thinker. If I'm faced with something unexpected, especially something higher in cost than seems affordable, my immediate inclination is to downspiral into "the money funk." Definition: my reaction is panic rather than calmly thinking things through, freaking out rather than exhaling, and trusting (believing) in that moment that the Lord is our Provider and is sovereign even over this financial matter.

~~~

While there are definitely long-term goals to work towards and achieve, my perspective on the here and now has been shifting recently. Through the small goals achieved, through taking financial matters one day at a time, through maturity and trusting Him more with each passing day, I have learned that I am already in the midst of a financial journey and testimony! My gratitude for my husband and his perspective on finances and debt has deepened as he has been such a calming factor when I am prone to react with anxiety. I have also realized more than ever that we can derive so much wisdom and encouragement from others who have made the financial decisions (both the wise and unwise they have learned from) that have led them to where they are currently and what they hope to accomplish in the near or distant future. Through putting all of this sound advice together, spending extensive time confessing my lack of faith in the Lord, submitting my selfish and limited perspective to Him, I have come a long way from where I was! Below is a list of things I have gleaned from others and learned during this journey thus far. Keep in mind that my husband and I still have debt and we are still far from where we would like to be, but these pointers have been of significant help for me to keep in mind as I take things one day at a time:

1) Don't become overwhelmed and paralyzed with the total amount - Breaking it down helps begin setting and achieving those smaller goals. And for those who have control/anxiety/stress issues and struggle with daily trust in the Lord, let this one speak for itself. Trust Him and be a faithful steward of what has been afforded to you. This is a daily journey.

2) Remember that there are always others who are much worse off than you - my husband reminds me continually (sometimes daily) of all we have to be thankful for, for all we have that we don't deserve!

3) Snowball technique - The snowball technique helps break down the total debt by paying off the amounts from smallest to the largest that you owe. You might have to consider varying interest rates with this one; you might be paying off your smallest debt while another one is accruing interest at a pace that may cancel out all your efforts! Example: the principle I still owe on my car is similar to what I once owed on my credit card. I focused on the credit card because the interest on my car payments was both fixed and a lower percentage.

4) Set aside a certain amount in savings whether big or small - For some individuals, the task of setting aside a lump sum is more achievable in the short-term than it is for others. For us, savings and being in seminary didn't exactly work so well together... My goal was to get a small amount into our savings account and gradually add to it even if in small increments. Some months that small increment was maybe $15-20, while other months it was $50-75. Although our savings account is still meager compared to some (most), I am comfortable with the dollar amount and know that we can pull from it for emergencies if necessary.

5) Itemize your income tax return - So the first year I received a pretty nice income tax check in the mail, I didn't know what to do with it! I was overwhelmed and stressed out about not blowing it on something unnecessary. Thankfully, my husband intervened and we walked through some of the things we wanted to purchase, as well as some small debts we wanted to tackle. After applying what I learned then to this year's income tax return, not only were we able to pay some things off, but I was able to put a chunk in savings and contribute to our health savings account! Even if you think you're being too meticulous, itemizing will get you much further than just buying something on a whim or not thinking through the other specifics of your current finances.

6) Do your research on a reputable, pre-approved credit card - Oi...I'm still suffering the consequences of my first experience in getting a credit card. In my immaturity, I did not do my research, did not ask questions to those older and wiser, and ended up getting a credit card with a horrible interest rate and embarrassing rewards program. I kept roughly the same balance for about four years, only able to pay the minimum monthly payments, and continually felt like I was sinking further into debt quicksand. Thankfully, I was recently able to get approved for a better card which came with a special feature of 0% on balance transfers and purchases until next year. For my personal financial status, this is not only helping me pay off the balance much faster, but my credit score increased - again, do your research! Depending on your financial history, opening up another line of credit might actually hurt rather than help your credit score in the short-term.

7) Take the advice of others, weigh their opinions, and seek wisdom in applying to your own situation - Especially if you're young like we still are and feel like a kid trying to figure out this whole adulthood thing, set aside the pride and ask questions! Family or friends can provide such valuable wisdom! Whether overcoming their own financial mistakes, setbacks that were outside of their control (i.e. medical bills), or those who have been financially wise for most of their adult life, we can derive so much wisdom and encouragement from those who have gone before us!

~~~

So this is where we are at thus far. This financial testimony comes from a woman who still lacks maturity, is still figuring things out, and is still in debt. However, even slight progress is progress! I am more at peace with where we are at financially, and I can actually pinpoint areas of focus now, whereas just a year ago all I could see was this overwhelmingly high dollar amount far out of my reach. While each day comes with its own struggles, I know that our financial testimony can speak of the Lord's provision over our lives. My medical bills could have been much higher, my undergraduate loan could have been much higher...I could go on and on. My perspective is shifting from one was characterized by continually reacting in fear to one who is daily learning to trust Him and learn what it means to be a wise steward of what He has given. Mine and my husband's financial testimony is part of a much greater story, and that alone is enough to change one's outlook~

15 on the 15th ~ Memories from the Land of Bluegrass

2010-07-15T14:13:00.027-04:00

As a recap of our trip from bluegrass to bluebonnets, I was originally going to post a "Thursday Thirteen," but couldn't keep the list narrowed down! I finally worked the list down to 15, so I decided to stop there. This is by no means an exhaustive list of my favorite memories from our trip to Texas, but highlights the those that will always come to mind when I think back on our time spent with friends and family:

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1. Stopping to buy shoes in Memphis because my husband didn't bring any

2. The very first night of our trip - my aunt boiling a pot of hot water on her stove for me to stand over with my sinus-infected head, and my uncle throwing in some Vicks's Vapor Rub which ended up filling the whole house with its minty aroma

3. Swimming with Nali who apparently believes herself a water rescue dog

4. Time spent with the Panda Family - the kind of time with friends when you just pick up where you left off, as if you'd never been apart

5. Reuniting with friends who date back 10 years, and meeting some new who didn't feel like strangers

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6. Almost two hours talking with my brother face-to-face, amazed at the growth and progress I see in him
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7. Tex-Mex & Steak (they can go together since both are of utmost importance)

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8. Wearing my husband's deodorant for five days because I thought I left mine at home, only to discover it in the bottom of my suitcase six days into our trip
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9. Traveling with my mother-in-law to four different Walgreens locations in search of the perfect Victoria, TX t-shirt

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10. Sitting with my husband's grandmother for over two hours looking at old family photos, some dating back to the 1950s or earlier

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11. Meeting my mom's horse, Endy, only to spend more of our time with his buddy, Speck, since Endy was apparently less than impressed with the carrots we brought

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12. Catching my first fish! (And being secretly jealous that my husband caught five)

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13. Many morning coffees on back porches as if it's just an understood family ritual
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14. Sweet time with family - the kind that seems to stand still it's so relaxing and you just don't want it to end!

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15. 46 hours logged in Green Gale with my husband, my best friend ~ we shared hours of conversation and music (and no 25-lb. dog attempting to jump into the front seat)

~~~

The time away was so good for us. We savored every moment with everyone we were able to see and found it hard to leave each destination point. One thing we know for certain upon arriving back here after being gone: 2 1/2 years is far too long to be away from family! So Lord-willing, our next trip home will be sooner than December of 2012. Just days after we came back and were unloading the suitcases, I saw something an old acquaintance posted online, something that has stuck with me this week: remember where you came from, and be thankful. I was reminded of where I came from, reminded of dear friends and family who have been influential throughout the years, and yes, I came home deeply thankful. I returned to our "normal" here in Louisville with a deep and refreshed sense of gratitude for both mine and my husband's history. In some ways Texas will always feel like home. Regardless of where the Lord takes us in the future, our peace and rest have been renewed as we continue to wait for what is still so uncertain~

Favorite Photo(s) Friday!

2010-06-25T10:49:00.010-04:00

We can't wait to see the faces in these pictures!!!

My Uncle J & Aunt J (minus Cousin A)

My Uncle P & Aunt A

The Panda Family

Panda Girl

Mi Padre

Big brother B

The greatest Mom and Dad in-laws on the planet

Mi Madre

(And yes, half of these pictures have been ganked from those in them :) The top two are courtesy of *FayCeB00ke* and the two below that are courtesy of Panda Mom)

From Frankfort to Franklin

2010-06-24T14:36:00.003-04:00

In January of 2008, just three weeks after saying "I do," my husband and I walked through the door of the small church we would eventually call our church home. After six months of wondering whether or not we should leave our previous church, wondering whether or not my husband should begin applying for local church positions, we were drawn to attend and eventually join Grace Church. We have grown to love this small congregation, and although the length of our time here remains uncertain, the love and fellowship continues to grow.

~~~

Not long after being members at Grace, my husband and I discovered a potential dilemma--this young church only had so much room to grow. Since the original church plant in 2007, Grace has been renting a church building just off of Frankfort Avenue. While it has served its purpose thus far, awareness of our limits has increased. Renting comes with significant limitations: only being given access on Sundays, limited classroom space, a sanctuary that would bust at the seams if we were to experience significant growth, and the minor setback of an air conditioner that occasionally goes out when the lights are turned on... Setbacks indeed. Grace is filled, almost overwhelmingly so, with individuals and groups who earnestly want to serve and expand our church's ministry to the community. There are so many wonderful giftings within our small body, and yet we have limited resources given our current situation. Even making the most of the church building we do have provides little room for additional growth and ministry.

~~~

Hence mine and my husband's eagerness when we received word a few months ago that another local congregation has sought our church out. This particular church, nestled in the old downtown area referred to as Butchertown, contacted our elders in the early spring to discuss a potential merger. This would involve the two coming together as one church, and our current congregation finally moving from our small rental to their three-story building in Butchertown. When the pastor who leads our small group brought up the idea for discussion one evening, I think he was somewhat overwhelmed at our enthusiastic response! Here we are a young church, antsy to be so much more effective and consistently involved in a variety of ministries, eager to have our church congregation consist of more than predominantly seminary-affiliated students and families, and the idea of finally having our own building alone is enough to stir up some excitement. Since the talks began a few months ago, we have since invited their congregation to our church for a Sunday worship service, our preaching pastor has been there once, and we also joined them for a good ol' Baptist potluck a few weeks ago. Our church is set to officially vote on moving forward with the merger this Sunday, and their congregation will be doing the same in the near future. If all goes according to the tentative plan, we could be one church called by our new name (something still in the works) by the fall!

~~~

With such a merger comes change, some readily accepted and some of which will require a measure of grace and patience from both churches. We are a young church, strong in reformed theology, strong in certain practices, and we have been given the opportunity to do something wonderful for putting doctrine into practice! When this merger takes place, there will be two church cultures coming together trying to make things work as one unified body. This is a time when I am thankful for my more traditional Baptist background as it has enabled me to be more sensitive and discerning of the potential issues and questions that may arise. I am also thankful for churches such as this who have such a rich history, a history marked by perseverance and strong commitment to their community (One of the older women I spoke to during the potluck, Erma, told me the story of when her father built their house down the street more than 70 years ago, and how she has been a faithful member of this church ever since.)

~~~

When I look at an older Baptist congregation, one with whom I have brief glimpses of my childhood at either my home church or my grandparents' country church, I am reminded that there will be times when discussing the differences in tradition and doctrine will be crucial to our separate churches coming together as one:

Why does our church take part in Communion every Sunday rather than once a quarter?
Why don't we sing straight from the Baptist hymnal?
Should women be allowed to serve as deacons and/or teachers?
What is the purpose of a membership class prior to someone joining the church?

I am thinking of hypothetical questions on an almost daily basis, and each time I do I am also praying for grace. While some churches seem to have things together, all the kinks worked out with the whole church coming together as one unified body, we are all still sinners saved by and in need of grace. Even some of the most well-intentioned people can approach questions and differing views without displaying care or concern for the other party. So not only do we have a great opportunity to finally be even more involved in ministry to our local community, but we have an opportunity to come together with a church very different from our own and lavish love and grace on them. My husband and I are praying fervently for this merger, praying that elders and congregation alike will practice humility first when dealing with crucial matters, as well as those which may seem secondary to us. I've never prayed for our elders as much as I have in recent weeks and months, and I have been praying for the young men as well who are eager and willing to roll up their sleeves and dive into whatever ministry the Lord may have in store.

"Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for 'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.'" ~1 Peter 5:5

"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." ~Philippians 2:1-4

~ June 1, 2005 ~

2010-06-03T12:05:00.003-04:00

This week marks five years since I loaded my 18-month-old dog into my '98 Malibu, with my dad in a truck behind me pulling a horse trailer loaded with all my belongings. We set out on a bright Texas morning and headed north. My then-boyfriend and his parents were just a couple of hours ahead of us on the same stretch of highway. It was a 700-mile journey made in faith. I knew where we were headed, but clueless as to what was beyond our destination.

I find myself asking at random moments this week, "How did we get here?" Whether sitting at my desk at work, feeding my dog (now accompanied by another smaller version of herself), driving my '05 Malibu around the city, walking around the neighborhood on a warm summer evening with my then-boyfriend-now-husband, drinking my ritual morning coffee--whatever the instance may be, I've asked myself that very question and reflected on the answer: God's goodness.

This week has been a real struggle for me in some ways. While remembering all of the good, I have also fought seemingly moreso than ever for contentment with where we are in life. As we walked around our quiet neighborhood last night, I became overwhelmed with frustration and anger as the weight of waiting hit me hard. As quickly as the frustration and anger overcame me, the truth of my husband's encouraging words hit faster and deeper. What I am needing right now is a heart of gratitude. I don't know when this season will end, I don't know the what or the where at the end of this season, but I do know one thing: there is overwhelming reason to be grateful! While reflecting on these past five years in Louisville, my soul is filled with praise to the Lord for all He has done and so richly given:

A wonderful and stable job
Two dogs that bring daily joy and laughter
A church filled with loving brothers and sisters
My health and the Lord's nearness with every doctor's visit and test result since my diagnosis
Financial means to slowly but surely pay off debt
Family and friends near and far who have been a constant source of support
A husband who continually speaks truth, reflects Christ's unceasing love, and encourages when I should be the one encouraging him

I want to cry as I think of the very particular ways in which God has provided. And not only could I weep in response to such overwhelming gratitude, but I could continue writing the ways for hours. His provision is an undeserved promise, His nearness such a grace. I pray desperately for a heart of gratitude, and that this waiting season will not be a time when a root of bitterness grows. My God is good even when the day ahead is unknown. We don't know what the future holds, but He does and has assured us that we can rest in that! I want to look back on this season, after the next five years have quickly passed, and see that this was a time of great and much needed growth for both me and my husband. And not only do I want to look back in five years, but I want a heart that is grateful and experiences the joy of knowing Him today.

Favorite Photo Friday!

2010-05-28T15:50:00.003-04:00

The idea for the hit show "The Office" didn't come from nothing! I have moments on occasion when I think I'm living one of the episodes~

Oscar: What are you microwaving?

Phyllis: Popcorn.

Pam: Why don't you use the microwave in the kitchen, Phyllis?

Phyllis: Someone needs to clean it, it smells like popcorn.

Farewell to the Island ~ LOST Finale Night

2010-05-25T00:55:00.003-04:00

*Disclaimer: Only food and character names are mentioned, none of which will give away crucial elements of the plot!

~~~

After all the fun we've had watching this last season of "LOST," it only seemed appropriate that we go out in character-like style. Our finale party was so much fun, and having everyone dress as the show's famed characters made it even better! Here is a brief rundown of the cast members and other snapshots from the party on Sunday night~

Some of the cast: Rousseau stealing baby Aaron, John Locke, Claire, Charlie, Ben as Henry Gale, "Smokey" (with his costume hanging on his shoulder), an island polar bear, Rose, Bernard, and Oceanic Flight 815 (also Kate the rest of the evening after the plane fell apart)

DHARMA Cola, Apollo chocolate bars, and fried chicken from Mr. Cluck's Chicken Shack!

The message Charlie wore on his fingers~

That is one scary island polar bear - run for your life!!

Richard Alpert, his lovely wife Isabella, and...the Man in Black

The Man in Black giving a brief history of the island (or babbling about juice)~

Jack & Mikhail

Dr. Jack Shephard & John Locke

("man of science vs. man of faith")

The excellent trivia game we all played! Props to the guys for putting this together and on the TV for us! Do you know the answer to the trivia question?

Dr. Pierre Chang & the winners of the trivia game, Ben & Jack~

What a great evening with lots of fun memories! We have really enjoyed the past few months with this crew, and it's a little bittersweet that "LOST" has come to an end. We'll just need to think of something else to bring the gang together!

Favorite Photo(s) Friday & An Impromptu Blessing

2010-05-21T09:02:00.006-04:00

My husband and I had a rather impromptu time of blessing and last night. To preface the evening, I went home early from work yesterday afternoon with the makings of a migraine, and went straight to bed until almost 7:00. Upon getting up and feeling drugged (well, I was) and not sleepy enough to stay in bed, I made my way downstairs knowing that I needed to think of something for dinner. Thankfully, there was a pitiful portion of soup in the fridge for my husband, and I swallowed down the leftovers from a less than impressive pasta dish. While swallowing down my food (I was just glad my husband was enjoying his soup!), he got a call from one of his best friends inviting us over for dessert ("Yesssssss," I thought to myself in relief).

Our friend (one of my husband's closest and dearest) grew up in Mexico before coming to college where we all met. His parents are missionaries in Oaxaca, and they are in town this week visiting as part of their overall summer travel in the States. Our friend has taken them to all the "must see" places in the area, including Huber's Orchard & Winery (I don't think you've truly lived in Louisville until you've experienced Huber's...hence my desire to go at least once before we move away from here!). So while we chatted and reminisced and heard stories of missionary experience and travel, we indulged:

My heart rejoiced when I saw this pile of heavenly strawberry delight in a pie pan! I think I ate about half the pie myself, complemented with a hot cup of coffee. I mean, really, it couldn't have been better - my best friend would have loooooved it, and I thought of her while we filled ourselves with strawberry goodness~

It was such a nice evening of conversation and being totally spoiled. Our friend's mother is truly gifted at making people feel at home, having welcomed us with immediate warmth and hospitality. I felt like I had known them for years even though I hadn't met them before last night. While she busied herself with food and coffee, her husband told us great stories of some of their experiences traveling and meeting different people. I especially enjoyed the story he told of a couple they met more than 30 years ago whom they will be visiting with again in the near future. Stories of how God crosses our paths with others on the journey always encourage my heart. Their stories and the experiences they have already had thus far reminded me, too, of how much I am looking forward to growing old with my own husband. So while it was extremely difficult dragging myself out of bed this morning in time for work, the sluggish morning was worth it for the sweet night we shared with good friends~

Song for Sunday

2010-05-10T12:14:00.003-04:00

All Must Be Well

(Bowley-Peters & Smith)

1. Through the love of God our Savior, All will be well

Free and changeless is His favor, All is well

Precious is the blood that healed us

Perfect is the grace that sealed us

Strong the hand stretched forth to shield us, All must be well

2. Though we pass through tribulation, All will be well

Ours is such a full salvation, All is well

Happy still in God confiding

Fruitful if in Christ abiding

Steadfast through the Spirit's guiding, All must be well

3. We expect a bright tomorrow, All will be well

Faith can sing through days of sorrow, All is well

On our Father's love relying

Jesus every need supplying

Yes in living or in dying, All must be well

Perfect Peace

2010-05-03T11:13:00.003-04:00

Do you ever have those times when it's so abundantly clear that the Lord is reminding you of a very specific truth, something your heart and mind need reminding of? That's where I've been these past few weeks. I have daily (at times hourly) asked that He would give me a very real sense of His nearness and peace that surpasses my own understanding as my husband and I continue in this holding pattern of a season. My attention has frequently come back to the promise given in one of my favorite books in Scripture:

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.

Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock. ~Isaiah 26:3-4

Yesterday morning during our church's worship service, our worship leader invited us to a time of open prayer and praise. My heart is encouraged by hearing the prayers and words from Scripture that have been placed on people's hearts. I kept hearing that same theme of praising Him for His goodness, trusting in Him as we wait patiently for Him, and was then compelled to proclaim the Isaiah passage aloud. Along with the passages others read, my husband was compelled to read this one:

Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts Himself to show mercy to you.

For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for Him. ~Isaiah 30:18

The theme has been frequent, profoundly evident, and I have been grateful for the ways (big and small) the Lord has reminded me of such wonderful and comforting promise. His peace is perfect, promised, and He is faithful to bless those who wait patiently for Him. To continue the theme even more, I came across this prayer on one of the blogs I read fairly often:

Most kind and trustworthy Father, you haven't promised me a storm-less, hassle-free disappointment-empty life. You offer me no formulas for decreasing the probability of sad things happening around me or disillusioning things happening to me. But you have promised me something that transcends the chaos and fear of uncertainty.

~
Father, you've promised to keep me in perfect peace, in the midst of whatever happens. O, how I treasure the promise of being kept by you. For there are times I simply cannot keep myself... I have no boot straps to pull up... no magic happy pill to take... no fix-it button to push. Thank you for being a Father who will never forget or abandon your children... who will never forget or abandon me.

~
And how I praise you for the promise of being kept, not just in peace... but in perfect peace... as I mind and mine your trustworthy-ness. For you are the LORD--the eternal Rock that is higher than me... the Rock of refuge... the Rock of ages! This leads me to cry out for greater steadfastness of mind... for more gospel-sanity... for more power to bring my wandering, distractible, unbelieving thoughts into captivity to you.

~
Yet I will not despair when I am weak in concentration and focus. Indeed, Father, you're not calling me to trust in my ability to trust, but to trust in you... in your trustworthy-ness, not in my trust-ability. For you've even promised your children a peace that passes... surpasses... even by-passes all understanding. Hallelujah!

~
What a God you are! There is none like you, Father, no not one! How great are your mercies... how profound your kindnesses... how more-than-sufficient your grace! So very Amen, I pray, in the name of Jesus, the Prince of Peace... the basis and bounty of all my peace.

(S. Smith, Quoted at challies.com)

Little did I know prior to graduation and this post-seminary season how much the Lord would be teaching me! On the most difficult days, I need those reminders of His goodness and promises to those who wait for Him. I look forward to the day when I look back at this season and see the evidence of His sustaining grace and peace~

A Day of Sunshine, Friends & Thunder!

2010-04-21T12:34:00.001-04:00

Just in case you're wondering, the activity level of this blog has been pretty indicative of our everyday lives in recent weeks. We continue to wait and pray and wait, have long and wonderful conversations, and wait some more (the kind of waiting that is owed its own post in the near future). However, April is a beloved month around our house since it's the month of birthdays! We have had much fun celebrating both mine and my husband's birthdays, simple and sweet, savoring the time together.

The big event for my birthday weekend (one that was apparently not really for my birthday, but a citywide event - yeah, I tried) was Thunder Over Louisville on Saturday! Thunder is the huge kickoff to all of the Kentucky Derby festivities that go on between now and the first weekend in May. We hadn't been in a few years (how long have we been in Louisville now? Wow!), and several friends from church hadn't been yet, so we loaded up a group of eight and headed down to the Ohio River for a day of funnel cakes, turkey legs, thrilling airshow, and spectacular fireworks!

Me and my love~

A wonderful time with wonderful friends!

I took three pictures at three different angles and still didn't capture all of the crowd out at Riverfront Park that afternoon!

You haven't experienced a true fireworks show until your spine is vibrating and eyes are watering! We had just as much fun watching our friends experience Thunder for the first time as we did seeing the show again for ourselves. While there are some definite downsides to spending a day surounded by 700,000+ other spectators, the time spent with friends was well worth it.

I was reminded, as I have been on countless occasions in these recent weeks, of how good the Lord has been to my husband and I during this time. While we are completely clueless as to how much longer we will be here in the 'Ville, we are thankful for the time we have had here, for all of the sweet friends and memories made~

Couch-Buddy & Fuddy-Duddy

2010-03-30T13:20:00.004-04:00

A snapped these over the weekend while still playing with the camera on my new phone (which I love!!), and couldn't resist sharing them - Can you tell the couch-buddy from the fuddy-duddy?

Favorite Photo Friday!

2010-03-26T12:55:00.002-04:00

Just for the record, I bought mine first!

"Give Me ________ Or I Will Die!"

2010-03-24T12:17:00.001-04:00

“Idols aren’t just stone statues. No, idols are the thoughts, desires, longings, and expectations that we worship in the place of the true God. Idols cause us to ignore the true God in search of what we think we need."

(Fitzpatrick, 23)

One of the highlights of being done with seminary, for me and my husband alike, has been the opportunity to go back and read certain books again. We were extremely fortunate to have some pretty amazing required reading lists, particularly for my counseling courses. However, the inevitable downside of the required reading during seminary was the inability to truly savor the content. I was given some of the most enriching texts I could have asked for, but given the hurried nature of my schedule throughout seminary, I didn't often really reflect on what I was reading. Hence the reason for creating a post-seminary reading list. I found it only appropriate to begin with Idols of the Heart by Elyse Fitzpatrick, a veritable cornerstone for the entire premise of biblical counseling and my heart for such ministry.

The second chapter in Idols deals very personally with "Rachel's Idols and You." If you aren't familiar with Rachel's story from Genesis 29-30, she was consumed with jealousy and anger over the fact that she wasn't able to have children. Rachel, the beautiful sister, the one whom Jacob considered lovely, could not bear children, while her sister Leah gave him sons and a daughter. So overcome with envy, Rachel cried out to Jacob, "Give me children, or I shall die!" God saw fit to eventually give her children, and yet... after all of her pleading and agonizing, after a deep root of bitterness had grown, such blessing still wasn't enough for her. Why wasn't it enough for Rachel to finally be granted the one thing she had asked of the Lord? She craved something more than God Himself. She desired the gift over the Giver, and therefore her wicked heart remained unsatisfied. Rachel's story illustrates of what real idolatry looks like: elevating created things over the Creator, the gift over the Giver... What is it that we crave so much that we are willing to sin in order to obtain it, and then will sin if we don't? We each have a heart bent toward certain sins, hearts that are, as Luther referred to them, "idol factories" quick to seek satisfaction from something or someone other than God.

I know full well that I can relate to Rachel very personally, and that I am prone to her response removed from God's daily grace. My natural inclination would be to wallow in self-pity, feed my own root of bitterness, and cultivate a heart incapable of sharing in the joy and celebration of others. These thoughts went through my mind after the events of this past weekend, one of many baby showers I have helped coordinate since being here in Louisville. The pain, the empty "something's missing" feeling, the sadness, the longing can very easily move me to anger and envy. Or even worse, I could be moved even further to no longer feeling anything, the paralized state of someone whose hope is swallowed up by despair. By the grace of God, I am not marked by such despair! Because of Christ, I have been given a new heart, a heart that feels and has emotion and has real desires. My husband and I desperately desire to have a family, and there are days when the longing seems enough to suffocate the very life out of me. But I don't struggle as one who has no hope. Because of that hope, because of the One who knows my form and my future, I can rejoice with those who rejoice, even if there are those days in between when I simply need to weep. I did shed some tears this weekend after the sweet celebration, but those tears did not come from an embittered heart. I know my tendencies, but I have also known grace. Rachel's story is never far from my mind in this regard because I know full well that I could quickly cry out, "Give me children, or I will die!" were it not for His grace intervening.

For you, the "Give me _____, or I will die!" may be something else. Success? A husband or wife? A spouse with whom you would never argue? Perfect children? Whatever goes in the blank, ask yourself this: Is there something in my life I crave so deeply that I will either sin to get it or sin if I don't? "God calls us to bury our false gods at the cross. It’s in union with Jesus Christ, the One who hung on Golgotha’s tree, that we have the power to conquer all of our idolatry and bury our gods in the blood-soaked ground beneath His cross" (Fitzpatrick, 28). Praise the Lord that He has redeemed us through the blood of Christ, and that He satisfies our every longing... that HE is better than life itself.

A Sweet Shower with Sweet Friends

2010-03-23T12:25:00.002-04:00

I think this season of baby showers for our church is slowing down a bit (we tend to go through cycles at Grace!). We celebrated the upcoming arrival of "Baby D" this weekend with decadent desserts, words of encouragement and advice for Mommy-to-be, sweet friends, and a time of prayer.

Yes, decadent: banana pudding, fresh pineapple, cheesecake, cake balls (my usual, but devils food this time rather than red velvet), and Julia Child's chocolate cake recipe (thanks to my wonderful co-hostess!)~

This sweet friend (whose own baby shower was one of our more recent):
and I got to talking about just how fortunate we are during this season. Many (most) of us are in transition right now, between school and careers and family decisions, and looking around at the group of wonderful ladies on Saturday night just warmed our hearts. The Lord has been so gracious toward us, and we mutually agreed that we will be thankful for this church and these women for years to come~

The big boy on the block was enamored with some of the gifts Mommy received for Baby D!

I couldn't resist getting this for them! Their nursery has a fun alphabet theme with animals here and there, so when purchasing items from the registry, I caved and also purchased this adorable, huggable monkey~

This portion of the evening was perhaps the most meaningful. We ended the shower by praying for Mommy, Daddy and Baby D, accompanied with the other mommies present writing down words of advice for the days ahead. It was a joy to bless them in this way, and I'm so glad the evening turned out the way it did! It truly was a sweet evening with sweet friends~

An encouraging quote...

2010-03-22T11:29:00.003-04:00

This morning, after an evening of news frenzy and frustration, I am asking the Lord for this perspective:

"...a tranquility that signals we’re not afraid of the rise and fall of temporal kingdoms and their policies. . . . So if what you’re afraid of is a politician or a policy or a culture or the future of Western civilization, don’t give up the conviction but give up the fear. Work for justice. Oppose evil. But do it so that your opponents will see not fear but trust, optimism, and affection.
'So now faith, hope and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love' (1 Cor. 13:13).
Fear God and, beyond that, don’t be afraid."
--Dr. Russell Moore

LOST!

2010-03-17T11:58:00.005-04:00

Unashamed confession time: I have a new addiction...

Yes, that new addiction is "LOST"!! Some friends of ours were kind enough (kind and knowing that we would get hooked!) to loan us the first three seasons on DVD a month or so ago, and then we caught up on the rest of the episodes online. I've laughed, I've teared up, I've sat at work some days hoping for the hours to go by faster so I can get home to watch the next episode, I've sat virtually all day on a Saturday in my pj's glued to my laptop...it's quite ridiculous, and yet there is no shame to be had. This has seriously been like diving into a wonderful and mysterious novel, except viewing on the TV screen rather than reading words on a page. I don't know when I last enjoyed a series as much as I have this one, and although late to jump on the bandwagon, it has been so much fun to have my husband and our friends here to watch with!

Last night was my first night watching a new episode on the night it actually airs since I was busy getting caught up to speed until this weekend. It just so happened to also be the night our fellow viewing friends decided to have a "Dharma-themed dinner" beforehand (those of you still confused just need to give in to your curiousity and watch the show)! One such friend also happened to have a fun label maker, so she printed out labels for all of our "Dharma-produced" food~

After a dinner of cereal, fruit, and "Dharma beer" (root beer), my husband and I stayed late talking about how we think the story might resolve. Sure, it's just another show on TV to some, but for me it's been a new adventure. I've always been a bookworm, savoring the enjoyment of a novel filled with twists and turns and the totally unexpected, and this show has been no exception to such enjoyment. So this is warning to you all: if you engage in conversation with me in the coming weeks, there's a pretty good chance I will attempt to get you sucked in to the "Lost" world. If not, I'll at least try to teach you how to play a round of backgammon~

Even Then ~ My Personal Testimony

2010-03-14T16:25:00.007-04:00

I was asked this past week to recall my conversion experience in writing. Thankfully, I was asked to do so a couple of years ago for one of my classes at Southern, and therefore already had it typed just needing some minor tweaks. While reading back my personal testimony, I was reminded of this wonderful reality - each of us who have been called by the Lord, redeemed and transferred from darkness into His marvelous light, has a testimony!
If you were raised in a youth group like me, you may have experienced what it was like not to have a "cool testimony" - one filled with seasons of severe depression, addiction, or infidelity, prior to the Lord's saving intervention. These were always the students invited to share their testimony in public, and I was oftentimes envious that mine wasn't as dramatic and "worthy" of being recalled in front of people. How wicked my heart was for reacting that way! I was admittedly a self-centered drama princess myself, and therefore often offended if there wasn't something in me that leaders thought was attractive enough to be in the spotlight... Oh, how thankful I am for the gift of time, and Lord leading through refinement and maturity. Only by His grace am I where I am now, because of His work both now and almost 20 years ago when He called me to Himself. Because of that amazing and unmerited grace, we each have a story. The Author saw fit to give us different experiences, different seasons, through which we would come to know and depend on Him. No personal testimony is greater or more poetic than another. The fact that we each have a unique story of how the Lord rescued us speaks overwhelmingly of both His awesome glory and very personal grace! Praise the Lord that He knows each of us in such a way that He set into motion each event along our individual journeys.
~
When was the last time you wrote out your personal testimony of conversion? I found it to be a rewarding exercise, stopping and reflecting on what all the Lord has done throughout the course of my life. I remembered both people and events He has brought along the way, all for the purpose of drawing me closer to Him, deepening my faith in and love for Him. If you feel compelled to write out your own, I would love to read it! If you write it out on your own blog, please leave a comment to let me know you've done so. I hope we can be encouraged by one another's testimonies of God's amazing grace:

~~~

I still struggle to recollect details of my salvation experience, the specific moment of conversion, due to my young age. This moment, though, occurred following a Sunday night at my home church when my family attended a Christian band concert. I was only eight years old at the time, and the most vivid memory from this particular night was the feeling I had as I glanced around at the surrounding audience. I remember this gnawing feeling deep in the pit of my stomach as I was overcome with one thought: something was missing. As I looked around the sanctuary, I was struck with the reality that I did not know God personally, and certainly did not know His Son the Savior. All of the songs I had been singing since the age of two, all of the Bible verses I was trained to memorize, seemed empty as I realized that I did not know the One whom the words were describing. Upon arriving home later that evening, I sat on my bed with my mother and shared my thoughts with her. I vaguely remember her asking me questions for assurance of whether or not I was experiencing true conversion. We closed our conversation with prayer, and she asked me to pray aloud. I remember asking Him to forgive me of all I had done wrong and to cleanse me as my personal Lord and Savior. I was baptized by immersion only a week or two later as an indication of the transforming work Christ had performed in my heart.
Due to my young age at the time, there were years following when I honestly questioned the sincerity of my conversion. I struggled at times with assurance of salvation, particularly in my early teenage years and around the time when my parents divorced. The question always came to mind of how someone can be a true believer and still battle with anger, depression and frustration. As an immature adolescent, I watched in confusion as my older brother, who once professed the same faith, took a nosedive into a life marked by perpetual rebellion.
Only by the grace of God was I surrounded during those formative years with godly leaders and friends, many of whom I remain in close contact with to this day. The Lord opened my eyes to the truth that He held and protected me through my childhood and adolescence, guarding my heart in ways I was oblivious to then. I cannot look back at the years afforded to me and not be overcome by God’s overwhelming sovereignty and grace. Not only did He guard me personally in those early years, but I can see how past experiences led up to where I am now. His Holy Spirit has clearly been shaping me from an early age in such a way that bears witness to the hope found only in Him and in His Word. He has revealed to me through relationships, with both family and friends, that He is the only One who satisfies the weary, wounded soul. I know without a doubt that I am unworthy of the rich gifts the Lord has provided, of the salvation made possible through Jesus Christ, and that He alone has the power to redeem His beloved.

My Friend-Across-the-Big-Pond's Birthday

2010-03-11T09:02:00.002-05:00

A certain song comes to mind on this my dear friend's birthday:

Something brought you to my mind today

I thought about the funny ways you make me laugh

And yet I feel like it's okay to cry with you

Something about just being with you

When I leave I feel like I've been near God

And that's the way it ought to be...
'Cause you've been more than a friend to me

You fight off my enemies

'Cause you've spoken the Truth over my life

And you'll never know what it means to me

Just to know you've been on your knees for me

Oh, you have blessed my life

More than you'll ever know...

More than you'll ever know...
You had faith, when I had none

You prayed God would bring me a brand new song

When I didn't think I could find the strength to sing

And all the while I'm hoping that I'll

Do the kind of praying for you that you've done for me

And that's the way it ought to be...
You have carried me

You have taken upon a burden that wasn't your own

And may the blessing return to you a hundredfold...

(C. Nockels)

You are loved, you are continually prayed for, you are missed, you are remembered often, and by so many who have been blessed by your imprint on our hearts. When you feel lonely and distant from those whom you hold dear, my hope is that you'll be encouraged by your brothers and sisters who are continually mindful and so very thankful for you.!

Happy Birthday, Geek #3!! We know who holds the title as Geek #1, and you're just too cool to be #2 so I humbly claim that spot~

Favorite Photo Friday!

2010-03-05T09:11:00.004-05:00

Look at those young college kids! I came across this picture a few days ago after not seeing it for quite some time, and can't help but look at it and reflect on the Lord's evident goodness over the years...

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights" ~James 1:17

Wordless Wednesday! (My Freebie from the Scrapbook Convention)

2010-03-03T09:45:00.004-05:00

It's a Sandra kind of day...

2010-02-26T14:02:00.003-05:00

Grace Upon Grace

(Sandra McCracken)

In every station, new trials and new troubles

Call for more grace than I can afford

Where can I go but to my dear Savior

For mercy that pours from boundless stores.

Grace upon grace, every sin repaired

Every void restored, you will find Him there

In every turning He will prepare you

With grace upon grace

He made a way for the fallen to rise

Perfect in glory and sacrifice

In sweet communion my need He supplies

He saves and keeps and guards my life

Grace upon grace, every sin repaired

Every void restored, you will find Him there

In every turning He will prepare you

With grace upon grace

To Thee I run now with great expectation

To honor You with trust like a child

My hopes and desires seek a new destination

And all that You ask Your grace will provide

Grace upon grace, every sin repaired,

Every void restored, you will find Him there

In every turning He will prepare you

With grace upon grace

Even in the Means...

2010-02-24T16:35:00.000-05:00

Well this day's been crazy but everything's happened on schedule

From the rain and the cold to the drink that I spilled on my shirt

'Cause You knew how You'd save me before I fell dead in the garden

And You knew this day long before You made me out of dirt

And You know the plans that You have for me

And You can't plan the end and not plan the means

And so I suppose I just need some peace just to get me to sleep...

(Caedmon's Call, "Table for Two")
~

I have caught myself humming this simple yet profound tune throughout the day... This place I'm in now...this holding pattern, season of waiting, whatever the label, has been a real stretch. My faith has been tested, really put through the fire, in recent weeks and I am now at a place where I can vaguely see what is going on, but can't yet see the end. Does that even make any sense? I've come out of the depths of toying with doubt and fear, and can see myself in the midst of a season of waiting with the hand of our wonderful, merciful God on me and my husband. This season is far from over, but my perspective is being cleared even as this very day transpires. I am out of the depths and in a place where I can actually feel His constant comfort. I am reading the Scriptures with renewed, refreshed, and hopeful eyes. Because of who our great God is, because of His rich promises for us, His sons and daughters, I can wholeheartedly say that I am thankful for where He has us. My husband and I are still clueless as to what is in store for us, but He knows and He provides - and that is more than enough for me.

I have not departed from the commandment of His lips;

I have treasured the words of His mouth more than my portion of food.

But He is unchangeable, and who can turn Him back?

What He desires, that He does.

For He will complete what He appoints for me,and many such things are in His mind.

~Job 23:12-14

Favorite Photo(s) Friday!

2010-02-19T13:49:00.012-05:00

We participated in a 40th birthday surprise party this week for the beautiful woman pictured above. I took around 50 pictures of the gathering on Tuesday night, so it was rather difficult to narrow down my favorites--and trust me, these still aren't all of them by any means!! Not only did we surprise her with the party itself, but her husband asked all of us to come prepared with a "Roast or Toast" to read. She was truly touched by it all, and I'm looking forward to putting all of the words and party pictures into a memorable scrapbook for her~

Most of the lovely ladies in our small group - I love each one of them dearly and am thankful for the unique friendship I have with each one of them! They each have very unique, sweet ways of encouraging others, myself included, and I am blessed to know them during these years~

My very handsome husband with Dr. Party Palace himself~

Me and Mrs. Party Palace - I managed to get through my "toast" without tears, but being as sentimental as I am and so thankful for our friendship, it wasn't easy!

Fellow scrapbooker, picture-taker, and dear friend!

Me and my love

~~~

"I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. It is right for me to feel this way about you all, because I hold you in my heart, for you are all partakers with me of grace..." (Philippians 1:3-7a)

A Somewhat Pointless Post

2010-02-15T10:20:00.014-05:00

I must confess...I woke up in a pretty darn sour mood this morning. I'm really only posting to distract myself from work, and to remind myself that snow really is pretty - it really is! Even when you feel like there surely can't be any more of the white stuff than what has already fallen, it's still breathtaking.

I have never been tired of seeing the snow until this morning. As a girl from the south (and one who will always be a southern gal at heart), I have appreciated and enjoyed the snow every year since being in Louisville - playing in it, capturing the beauty on camera, enjoying the dogs' reactions to the powdery fluff....but this morning? Ooooh-wee, was I in a mood when I woke up! I didn't want to go anywhere, do anything, just wanted to stay home in my pajamas with my husband and the pups.

I have caught a little glimmer of why my friends in Michigan and Connecticut get a little tired and down after seemingly neverending months of this... I still want to be grateful for this beautiful season, in awe of the serene beauty surrounding me. But when I have to get up for work while every other school and business in the city seems to be closed, put on a different pair of shoes to trudge through the powder and ice (and yes, there was also ice this morning which definitely didn't help my sour mood), I find myself fighting for joy, struggling to be thankful. Lord, give me a thankful heart, and let me not miss the stunning wonder and beauty of Your handiwork~

“For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall My word be that goes out from My mouth; it shall not return to Me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it." ~Isaiah 55:10-11

Brutal Honest, Beautiful Reality ~ Part 3

2010-02-11T14:41:00.001-05:00

Brutal Honesty...Introduction

Brutal Honesty...Part I

Brutal Honesty...Part 2

BRUTAL HONESTY - I am not a very good wife. I honor neither Christ nor my husband on a consistent basis, and my outward behavior is more often marked by selfish tendencies rather than humility.

If I was to sit and jot down the ways in which I'm not a very good wife, I would have a seemingly neverending laundry list of issues. The more I ponder, the longer the list and more overwhelmed I am by my desperate need of grace. When I reflect on the thought that I may presently or in the future be an example to other women of gracious giving and submission to my husband, I sometimes shudder at how often I fall short. That laundry list of sin issues is accompanied with the feeling that I will never be able to do enough in regard to work or keeping my home in order. My thoughts are constantly spinning with what I'm doing wrong, and the nagging guilt that I have chosen, for example, one evening to sit and relax in front of the TV rather than do the dishes. Regardless of my current work situation, regardless of whether or not I am away or at home during the day, my first priority should be taking care of the home, right? I should be able to do it all, and I am constantly beating myself up over not being able to live up to the expectations of a diligent, hard-working wife.

And in this particular season of our lives, I have not been the supportive wife my husband needs. When he is doubting, frustrated, feeling alone in the waiting game, I have continually failed to be a source of encouragement or rest. Rather than be of support to him, I feel that I only add to the struggle with my lack of patience, tendency to react to the unknown with anxiety (see previous post on the issue of control), and my overall lack of remembering the promise and hope of the Gospel on a daily basis. How an individual responds to times of uncertainty speaks volumes, and I am no exception.

"Original sin fills the 'engine' of our hearts with the 'oil' of depravity--dark, greasy, and staining everything it touches. Circumstances come along and heat the engine. When the engine is hot--when events in our lives test our hearts--whatever is in the engine spews out. The heat (the circumstances) did not fill the engine with oil, it simply revealed what was [already] in the engine..." (70)

BEAUTIFUL REALITY -
"...Your spouse was a strategic choice made by a wise and loving God. Selected by Him, for you, from the beginning of the world, your spouse is an essential part of God's rescue mission for your life. Often a spouse plays his or her part by raising the engine temperature and heating the oil. But if we're wisely honest, we realize that God is behind it all, revealing the familiar sin so that it might be overcome by amazing grace" (70-71).
~~~
"We must not ignore our sin, because it is the very context where the Gospel shines the brightest. Grace is truly amazing because of what we were saved from...The Gospel is an endless fountain of God's grace in your marriage...Without it [the Gospel], you cannot see God, yourself, or your marriage for what they truly are" (16, 25).

The above quotes are from a book I was compelled to read during our engagement back in 2007. When Sinners Say I Do focuses on marriage as the context in which the Gospel shines, and really brings to the forefront our daily, continual need for mercy and grace towards one another. I have been tempted in recent days and weeks to pull it off the shelf and give it another read...
Do you ever stop and wonder how much your heart and role in your own marriage relationship would be drastically altered if this was your renewed perspective? If my daily focus is this "endless fountain of God's grace" as I see in and through my husband, it's mind-boggling to think of how things would be different. If my relationship to my husband begins and is fueled by the grace of the Gospel, would I be so intent on coming home and complaining that I have to cook dinner, or muttering under my breath about the fork that's in the sink rather than the dishwasher? Would I be so intent on having my way by immediately getting into my pajamas (before 6:00pm mind you) and grumbling for half the evening about all of the chores that need to be done? Or...would I come home eager to see my husband and spend time with him, overwhelmed with thanks that I have a wonderful husband waiting for me when I walk through the front door? And about those chores...would my perspective on even those be renewed? Thanks that I have a place to call home, thanks for the very good gifts we have undeservedly received from the Lord... That laundry list is erased and replaced when my heart is transformed and renewed by the beautiful reality of how privileged I am to be my husband's wife.

When I get into this horrible mood about all of the work I'm not doing, guilting myself over the things I haven't accomplished during a particular day rather than resting after what all I actually have done, my husband will often ask me, "To whom are you comparing yourself? Is there someone specific, some perfect wife you know, or have you made up in your mind a non-existent ideal woman?" Oh, he knows me well... He asks because he knows. He asks because he knows it does my heart good for my negative, ungodly thoughts about myself to be stopped dead in their tracks. His rhetorical question needs no answer because it speaks for itself:
"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." (Galatians 1:10)

My husband does not judge me merely on my works, but looks past the external and sees the roots of my negative thoughts. He quickly discerns when my heart is absorbed with self-centered efforts rather than on the grace and good gifts of God. It's no wonder that the husband and wife relationship is intended to mirror that of Christ and His Church; such a parallel is evident in how my husband relates to me as one whom he chose and loves in spite of my faults:
"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church." (Ephesians 5:22-29)

I pray that I daily outdo my husband in acts of love and grace. My prayers have been transformed recently as I have been reminded of the beauty of Gospel-centered marriage. Am I a bad wife? Well, I am a selfish sinner, but I am no longer mastered by that sin. I no longer live for myself, with my own desires and selfish motives in mind. What does and will make me a good wife is for Christ to be my motivation. I want to love and serve my husband in an understanding way, overflowing with grace and patience. I want to enjoy him everyday as the gift he is to my life, enjoy a coffee date with no timeline on our conversation, watch an evening movie without obsessing over the dusty bookshelf.... I want others to see the love Christ has for His Bride in us... Lord, be gracious and may that be true of us according to Your goodness and mercy.

Wordless Wednesday (aka Nerds Dressed Alike Again!)

2010-02-03T11:44:00.002-05:00

Favorite Photo(s) Friday - Nali & Her Babies

2010-01-29T22:11:00.007-05:00

Brutal Honesty, Beautiful Reality ~ Part 2

2010-01-26T14:00:00.006-05:00

Brutal Honesty... Introduction

Brutal Honesty...Part I

BRUTAL HONESTY - I desire control. And the reason I desire control is because I do not trust God with the present nor for the future.

On a very practical level, the emotional reactions are anxiety and worry - the "typical" stress over anything unexpected. I tend to worry if plans fall through, if everything I have precisely laid out on my calendar gets jumbled up due to the unexpected, and my stress level skyrockets when I'm faced with not knowing what's next on the short or long-term agenda. This fear of the unknown manifests itself in panic, pouring all of my energy into planning as much as possible down to the most minute detail, and then being completely reactionary when things don't follow my expectations. I have this constant desire, dare I say need, to have all events planned for and feel like I must have a handle on things. The more I have a firm grip on things, the more I can dictate the outcome and not be thrown off guard by anything unanticipated.

So what is this desire, this need to be in control of the events in my life, whether big or small? Is it merely just me being organized and wanting to keep things in order, or is there something deeper triggering these continual patterns of anxiety and worry? Feeling anxiety over the unexpected is natural and normal...right?

“Woe to him who strives with Him who formed him, a pot among earthen pots!
Does the clay say to Him who forms it, ‘What are You making?’or ‘Your work has no handles’?" (Isaiah 45:9)

The truth of the matter is...I don't trust the One who provides and sustains. I want to be the one in control rather than being molded by the Potter. I don't trust that He knows the future, the plans and all of the outcomes.

BEAUTIFUL REALITY -

"I will make with them an everlasting covenant, that I will not turn away from doing good to them. And I will put the fear of Me in their hearts, that they may not turn from Me. I will rejoice in doing them good, and I will plant them in this land in faithfulness, with all My heart and all My soul." (Jeremiah 32:40-41)

~~~~

"And he said to his disciples, 'Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you. Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom.'" (Luke 12:22-32)

~~~~

Beautiful seems like an understatement... God, the Creator of the universe and every intricate detail therein, pursues me in Christ. In this glorious pursuit, He works all things according to His will and my good. I should trust Him, the One who works according to His perfect plan, because He knows me better than I know myself, He has rescued me from the darkness in Christ, has called me His own, and even when I fail to trust Him, Scripture says that He rejoices in doing me good. The God of the universe rejoices in doing me good...in doing you good if you share in His glorious inheritance.

~~~~

His grace is cheapened when I insist that my control is necessary.

But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay,

and You are our potter; we are all the work of Your hand. (Isaiah 64:8)

God is replaced on the throne in my heart when I demand to have a hand in all events and potential outcomes.

"Make me to know Your ways, O Lord; teach me Your paths.

Lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation;

for You I wait all the day long." (Psalm 25:4-5)

Ponder the freedom and rest that comes from knowing His provision and sovereignty! Trusting Him does not mean we negate being responsible and wise in our planning and decision-making; I don't resort to being a sloth because I'm claiming that He is the One in control. On the contrary,

"Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established. . . .

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." (Proverbs 16:3, 9)

~~~~

I have had to examine my own heart countless times during this quiet, post-seminary season of life. Am I really trusting in Him for the vast unknown that lies ahead, or am I secretly (or vocally) insisting that I should have a handle on all of the plans in case this or that just doesn't work out? Oh, sinner that I am... There are days when I have been hit hard with the reality of this ever-present idol of control. I have tasted the sweetness and freedom of trusting Him with each detail of my life, and yet there are still days when I live as "an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea" (Lewis). The amount of control I demand over my own life speaks volumes about whether or not I am dwelling in the joy and satisfaction which comes from knowing Christ and trusting Him. I trust and I believe, and I want to trust and believe every day I am given breath, that He is worthy of glory and He is the One who knows and determines what is best for my life.

“Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom..."

Wordless Wednesday (aka Nerds Who Randomly Dress Alike!)

2010-01-20T15:11:00.002-05:00

Brutal Honesty, Beautiful Reality ~ Part I

2010-01-18T15:27:00.008-05:00

BRUTAL HONESTY - I don't actually read my Bible. Therefore, especially in those moments when I need it most, I don't remember it and don't really believe.

Yes, you read correctly... I don't read my Bible on any consistent basis. I have not committed my heart, my thoughts, my attention to reading. I could easily take pride in the vast amount of attention I have given to reading the greatest books on theology, the church fathers, biblical counseling, and even ones on the very topic of devotion! But not the Bible. When someone asks me questions like, "Why did Christ die?" or "If God is so good, why is there evil in the world?" I am quick to spout off something else I've read about what Scripture says. My initial and heartfelt response is not:

"For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation" (Rom 5:6-11).

Rather than reading and unpacking such incredible, glorious truth from Scripture (take a moment to read that passage - it is packed with the truth of our hope and assurance!), I revert to other sources that will hopefully impress people and make me sound like I know what I'm talking about. I skim through my mental bookshelf and pick out what sounds best for the situation or topic at hand.
Then, on an even more personal note, when I have gone through a difficult time in recent months, my own "dark night of the soul," I have found myself empty...empty of joy, attempting to draw from a dry well that has not been filled with the water that quenches my thirst and satisfies my weary soul.

BEAUTIFUL REALITY -

“Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters;
and he who has no money, come, buy and eat!

Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price.

Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread,

and your labor for that which does not satisfy?

Listen diligently to Me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food.

Incline your ear, and come to Me; hear, that your soul may live;

and I will make with you an everlasting covenant." (Isaiah 55:1-3)

~~~~

"O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek You;

my soul thirsts for You; my flesh faints for You,

as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

So I have looked upon You in the sanctuary, beholding Your power and glory.

Because Your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise You.

So I will bless You as long as I live; in Your name I will lift up my hands.
My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food,

and my mouth will praise You with joyful lips,

when I remember You upon my bed,

and meditate on You in the watches of the night;

for You have been my help,

and in the shadow of Your wings I will sing for joy.

My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me." (Psalm 63:1-8)

What does He promise if I simply come to Him? He promises to satisfy my longing, to bring real and lasting comfort to an otherwise anxious heart. He is the hope and joy and source of salvation I am so quick to proclaim, yet I have failed to believe in the middle of a mediocre workday or when all good seems lost from a difficult situation. I have had to ask myself a very hard and honest question: do I really believe what I say I believe? Whether I am counseling other women, or lying awake at night with my mind racing, do I really believe?

I have not believed because I have not drawn near to Him. I have not devoted my heart and mind to that which was written for me, for you, for the Church. Should I be terribly surprised at how I feel and what the honest status of relationship is with Him if I have not been drawing from the well of living water? Is it any wonder that I am so prone to doubt and worry if I am not pouring over Scripture as one satisfying herself with rich food and healing balm? This has been a significant realization for me: my Father delights to do me good! And the more I know Him, the more I will see and really believe and accept the good He is doing even when I am oblivious to it.

Brutal Honesty, Beautiful Reality - Introduction

2010-01-15T10:28:00.007-05:00

While my husband and I have both walked through some dark times, we can also look back and see the overwhelming, countless ways in which the Lord has so richly blessed us. From attending a Christian college (the context in which I first really believed and embraced God's sovereignty), to having a college pastor fervently pleading with us to find our satisfaction in Christ alone, to being blessed with the opportunity to attend one of the greatest seminaries in the country (not just based on academics, but because of their commitment to the authority and sufficiency of Scripture), we are truly blessed by the formative seasons we have been given. After years of being in such contexts, and now that the flurry of graduation and holiday festivities have passed, there is a sense in which things have come to a grinding halt. I no longer have the comfort of a context in which I can depend on the wisdom of others. My heart has been laid bare, and I have been forced to examine myself for who I really am removed from the godly influences on whom I have so often relied upon.

~~~

I was given a strong dose of brutal honesty a couple of weeks ago when my husband and I had a very candid conversation about where I am in my relationship with the Lord. After becoming so comfortable with relying on the wisdom and teaching of others, I was faced with the painful truth that my relationship with God has lacked any real intimacy; I have become more content in relying on the words of men rather than relying on Him. And while godly influences are good and encouraging, I had to confess that I have become increasingly less dependent on God Himself. Even good things can so easily become idols, taking over His rightful place on the throne in our hearts. This lacking of real intimacy and trust has very practical implications, ones that are difficult for me to admit, which leads me to this post...

~~~

I will be devoting the next several posts here to a four-part series on this "Brutal Honesty, Beautiful Reality" I have been grappling with in recent days. It is much easier to vaguely admit that we are all sinners rather than seeking real heart transformation and repentance that only come after specific confession of specific sin. Even I, a young woman who has been in wonderful churches and who has now received a masters degree from a leading seminary, need to be faced with the bitter reality of my own sin so that I might taste once again the sweetness of being satisfied in Christ alone. You might be shocked, you might be encouraged; I have no idea how people perceive me on a daily practical level. My hope is the latter, that you will be encouraged and compelled to examine your own heart, asking yourself the questions that might be difficult to face depending on where you are really at in your own relationship with Him.

~~~

Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life. (Proverbs 4:23)

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?

I the Lord search the heart and test the mind... (Jeremiah 17:9-10)

Be killing sin or it will be killing you. (John Owen, Of the Mortification of Sin in Believers)

Snow!

2010-01-07T13:28:00.003-05:00

"I want to wash my hands, my face and hair with snow!"

It's just too bad that I'm having to take mediocre camera phone pics from one of our office windows, rather than curled up on the couch at home with husband and dogs taking pictures of the white surrounding us. It truly is a beautiful snow today, although I can't say the same for the roads around the city~

~Celebrating Our Second Year~

2010-01-05T10:28:00.008-05:00

'Cause what I really want to say

Is what the sun would say to the sky,

For giving it a place to come alive,

But my words get in the way

Of what I really want to say...
(Chapman)

~~~

Happy Anniversary to my husband, a man I don't deserve but was given by God's grace,
my best friend, the one I'd rather stay up into the late hours talking with more than anyone else,
my groom, the one who is wholeheartedly committed to reflecting the love Christ has for His Bride,
the man who aims for my joy in Christ over earthly comforts,
the man who reminds me that I was created by the One who has named me His daughter...
I so often lose sight of who I am in Christ, but God in His love and grace has given me a husband who continually helps me to remember.

Blank Pages

2010-01-04T15:25:00.006-05:00

Brand new, crisp, untouched calendars excite me. Every year at work, just before the holiday season, our office coordinator sends out the email containing our calendar options for the upcoming year. From spiral to journal, pocket-sized to 8.5x11, I go back and forth trying to decide on the perfect planner. And then, after two months of anxiously waiting, the little book arrives at my desk. Although not to the full extent, it's almost as thrilling as cracking open the pages of a new journal. I flip through the clean, unmarked pages wondering what they will hold in the days, weeks, and months ahead. What will happen next week? What will happen in May or August or October that has not yet been written down? Only the Lord knows what will fill the that black planner tucked away in my bag. Here's to a new year and blank pages. May I trust Him daily, may I trust Him only, with both the planned and the unexpected...

O Lord,

Length of days does not profit me

Except the days are passed in Thy presence,

In Thy service, to Thy glory.

Give me a grace that precedes, follows, guides,

Sustains, sanctifies, aids every hour,

That I may not be one moment apart from Thee,

But may rely on Thy Spirit

To supply every thought,

Speak in every word,

Direct every step,

Prosper every work,

Build up every mote of faith,

And give me a desireto show forth Thy praise;

Testify Thy love, advance Thy kingdom.
I launch my bark on the unknown waters of this year,

With Thee, O Father as my harbour,

Thee, O Son, at my helm,

Thee O Holy Spirit, filling my sails. . . .

Give me Thy grace to sanctify me,

Thy comforts to cheer,

Thy wisdom to teach,

Thy right hand to guide,

Thy counsel to instruct,

Thy law to judge,

Thy presence to stabilize.

May Thy fear be my awe,

Thy triumphs my joy.

(Valley of Vision)

Still Alive

2009-12-29T22:09:00.003-05:00

After graduation, family in town, Christmas, and my husband finally on the mend after being sick for over a week, I think I'm returning to some sense of normalcy (whatever that is!). I hope to have some time later in the week or this weekend to post an actual entry. I hope everyone had a wonderful, memorable, precious Christmas (especially all of my Texans who were graced with snow!), and have a fun and safe New Year celebration!

We do not weep alone...

2009-12-17T09:23:00.003-05:00

Taken directly from the Pastor's blog:
Dear church,
In the first chapter of Philippians, the Apostle Paul writes that whatever imprisonments, beatings and trials he may have suffered, they all “serve to advance the gospel” of Jesus Christ. We implore you to keep the gospel of Christ as the main focus as we walk with Matt and Lauren through this trial.
On Tuesday, Dr. Barnett informed Matt and Lauren that the findings of the pathology report revealed a malignant brain tumor that was not encapsulated. The surgery to remove the tumor, the doctor said, was an extremely positive first step; however, because of the nature of the tumor, he was not able to remove all of it.
Matt, who is being released from the hospital today, is meeting with a neuro-oncologist this week to outline the next steps of the recovery process. There is a range of treatment possibilities but the exact course of action has not yet been determined. He will continue outpatient rehab.
The Lord is calling Matt and Lauren and The Village Church body to endure this trial. It will be a challenging road for Matt, his family and our church body. The gospel is our hope and the Lord is our strength. Matt and Lauren continue to find solace and hope in Christ. They weep facing this trial, but not as those without hope and perspective. The gospel clarifies their suffering and promises more of Christ through it all.
You have done a wonderful job respecting the family, and we ask that you continue to do this. They are processing all of this together and need you to give them precious space. Please do not visit them at their house unless personally invited by the Chandlers. The best way to serve the family is to continue to be faithful in prayer. Specifically, pray for the following:
~Wisdom for all the coming decisions
~Strength and peace to endure
~The kids’ (Audrey, Reid and Norah) hearts; pray the Lord is merciful as they process and that their little hearts do not grow embittered
~The Chandlers and The Village would suffer well because of the gospel and for the sake of Christ’s name
As you hurt and weep for the family, do not do it alone. Gather with your home group and with other believers in homes and pray together. This is a time to walk together with others and to endure this trial in community.

(Photo courtesy of: Them Chandlers Blog)

Hard to Believe!

2009-12-13T18:39:00.002-05:00

More details and pictures to come! Still savoring the last bit of sweet time with family for now~

Song for The Last Friday of our Last Week of our Last Semester

2009-12-04T09:09:00.002-05:00

My Heart is Filled with Thankfulness

My heart is filled with thankfulness to Him who bore my pain

Who plumbed the depths of my disgrace and gave me life again

Who crushed my curse of sinfulness and clothed me in His light

And wrote His law of righteousness with power upon my heart

~
My heart is filled with thankfulness to Him who walks beside

Who floods my weaknesses and strengths and causes fear to fly

Whose every promise is enough for every step I take

Sustaining me with arms of love and crowning me with grace

~
My heart is filled with thankfulness to Him who reigns above

Whose wisdom is my perfect peace whose every thought is love

For every day I have on earth is given by the King

So I will give my life my all to love and follow Him

(Keith & Kristyn Getty)

The Unsung Hero and His Hatchet

2009-12-02T10:24:00.004-05:00

Our very last finals week just would not be complete without some crazy, unexpected event taking place! I received a call from my husband late yesterday afternoon, a conversation that started with, "Boy, have I had an interesting afternoon..."

He proceeded to tell me the most bizarre story, one still surreal to both of us. He was on his way home from school yesterday afternoon, had simply gone to drop off a book at the library, when the event occurred. He was simply driving down Lexington Road when the driver in front of him suddenly hit the brakes, followed by the car veering completely off the road, up on the sidewalk, and into a telephone pole. My husband managed to swerve out of the car's way just in time to avoid being hit, and parked his own car in someone's driveway. He approached the car to ensure that the driver was okay, only to discover that the man behind the wheel was slumped over and having a seizure. My husband beat in the window in attempt to get the man's attention, but he was completely unresponsive. The driver was apparently slumped over enough, and had enough pressure on the pedal with his foot still, that the car suddenly started going in reverse. With my husband still banging on the window trying to get him to stop, the car accelerated into the street and hit another vehicle. He motioned for the woman in the other car to put on her parking brake since the man's car was still in gear and to prevent the car from continuing on into the street and more oncoming traffic. With the car locked, there was no way for my husband to both get to the man who was still leaned over in his seat and seizing and to turn off the car ignition. In quick response, he kicked on the passenger window but it didn't budge. He then ran to his Mustang, and pulled a hatchet from the trunk. Using the blunt end of the hatchet, he managed to break the passenger window, and reached in to move the man off the gear shift and turn off the car. The woman who was sitting in her parked car this whole time (probably in stunned shock) called an ambulance, and my husband was able to reposition the man in the meantime until he came out of his seizure. The ambulance arrived as the man was coming to, and asked him a series of questions regarding his medical history. Although still rather delirious, he was able to tell them that yes, he has a history of seizures, and no, he has not sought treatment for them. The police arrived soon after, and took a full report from both my husband and the woman who inevitably prevented this man's car from going further into the busy street. When my husband told them about the hatchet, their response was, "Who drives around with a hatchet in the trunk? That's awesome!" His parents raised him well~

The whole event could have taken a more horrific turn on so many levels. The man could have swerved into oncoming traffic initially rather than into the telephone pole - my husband could have been hit if he had not reacted so quickly in his own car - the man could have caused serious problems while behind the wheel had he accelerated in reverse into the middle of the street - he could have had much more severe issues occur had my husband not been able to get to him quickly and reposition his head until the seizure had passed... The list goes on and on. Not only are we grateful for the fact that things went precisely as they did, the timing of everything being set just so that nothing more occurred, but also reminded of how quickly an unforeseen event can occur. This young man was simply driving down Lexington Road on what would have otherwise been a normal Tuesday afternoon. Little did he and others around him know that a sudden seizure would cause all of this... I was really proud of how composed and in control my husband was of the whole situation, as he was able to prevent an unfortunate event from turning into something much, much worse~

The moral of the story? Keep a blunt object in the trunk of your car at all times! Okay, maybe not, but it clearly came in handy! I know he would not want me to boast in him, but I really was impressed to hear how my husband responded to the situation and to this man. I don't think I would have been half as composed and clear-headed in a similar situation, and it gives me great comfort to know how he reacted in the midst of such an event~

Thanks on This Friday

2009-11-20T14:41:00.005-05:00

As I write this, my husband is in our "home office" glued to the computer. He is working hard to finish this last semester well. I have been so encouraged and proud of him this past week as he has demonstrated such diligence in getting everything completed. I know that I would be tempted to settle for mediocre if I was the one faced with such a massive amount of work in the last semester, but not him. He is finishing well, finishing strong, and I could not be more encouraged by how hard he has been working this week.
~
I am also compelled to give a word of honor regarding something he was able to do this past Sunday. Our church has been given a very unique opportunity in recent months to minister the Gospel. There is a neighboring apartment complex which has recently experienced new residents coming in. Many of these are refugees from other countries: Nepal, Iraq, etc. This particular apartment community is an inexpensive and rather safe place to live, so there has been a recent influx of these individuals and their families coming to live there. Since the complex is practically a stone's throw away from our church building, the opportunity to minister was readily apparent. We have donated clothes especially for those who do not have sufficient coats for a Louisville winter, offered to teach ESL to those seeking help, and found other means of ministering grace to those in need. One significant outlet for ministry we have started is referred to as "Discovering Grace," an hour of teaching and fellowship every Sunday afternoon. Our small groups take turns leading, and each week an individual from that small group is asked to speak on a specific topic related to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. My husband was asked to teach this past Sunday, and the task was rather overwhelming: teach on the nature of the Bible and how it came to be in 20 minutes. He studied and prepared for two weeks, grappling with the task of communicating such an in-depth topic to individuals who are mostly unbelievers and still learning English. I also personally knew that he was somewhat nervous since he has not had an opportunity to teach in over four years, so he was both out of practice and somewhat out of his element teaching to an unfamiliar audience. In the end, however, he did better than I could have anticipated! As our small group leader told him afterwards (our small group leader who is also an elder at our church, and professor of New Testament and Greek at Southern), he was warm, winsome, gracious, discerning, and communicated in an understandable way a topic that could otherwise be confusing or overwhelming. From noting amazing facts such as 40 authors contributing over the course of 1500 years to the canon of Scripture, to providing them the page numbers in their paperback New Testaments of where the text was located that they might follow along, I could not have anticipated those 20 minutes being any better. This was the first time I have been able to witness him teach since we have married, and I was more thankful than ever to be his wife. Proclaiming the message of the cross truly is his calling and passion, and I was blessed to see his gifts utilized in such a unique way.

More to come on the topic of school, but we attended our very last classes at Southern Seminary yesterday. I left my evening class with a deep sense of gratitude, reflecting a bit on the past four years, as I walked to my car. These past four years have been so much more than working towards a degree. My dependence on the Lord is deeper, worship is more rich, and I am so much more mindful of the truth and sufficiency of the Word. As a 23-year-old moving 17 hours away from everything I had considered as home, I was oblivious to all the Lord would do between then and now. I am overwhelmed by His grace, provision, hand of mercy, sovereignty over the blessings and the trials, and my heart is filled with gratitude. More reflection to come as graduation draws ever nearer...

And on another note of thanks and sheer excitement, this beautiful face is going to be at our front door in just FOUR DAYS!!

We can't wait to see you, dear friend!!

Overwhelmingly Encouraged

2009-11-14T10:12:00.001-05:00

This week was marked by a sweet experience, one full of emotion and deep gratitude for the Lord's work. My husband and I decided to attend the chapel service on Thursday morning at Southern's campus, the first either of us have been to in quite some time (I think it's been three years for me, a long time for someone who is still a student there). I took the morning off from work, and enjoyed sleeping in the extra hour or so and getting to slip on a pair of jeans rather than slacks (it's the little things). We excitedly left the house to drive to the school on that beautiful morning in eager anticipation of the chapel service. Why the excitement? After over four years of being at Southern Seminary, why now and why this chapel service? I took the morning off from work, and walked into Alumni Chapel hand-in-hand with my husband, because of who was going to be in attendance and preaching that morning.
~
For those of you who may not be as familiar with our history, my husband and I met in college. We were pursuing the same degree and attending the same church when we met, and it is in that context that we began our relationship which has brought us to where we are today seven years later. While there are countless reasons we are thankful for that season being behind us, we still look back on those years with thanksgiving and humility for how the Lord was at work in our hearts individually. Those were formative years for me as a daughter of the King, as He used that season to teach me in an intimate way of His sovereignty and the glory reserved for Him alone. I began college as a young woman on the path toward liberal feminism and the mission field (unfortunate that those were paired together at the time), and graduated in 2004 with a completely renewed perspective on who I am in light of His glory and grace - hence the naming of this blog. He had completely rocked my little self-absorbed world, and I closed that chapter with a deeper dependence on and awareness of His grace and mercy.
~
During this time the Lord was growing my husband as well, maturing and deepening his passion for the glory of Christ in the Gospel to be taught and proclaimed. It was during this time when He was impressing upon my husband the great need for the Gospel truth to be proclaimed in our local churches. He was surrounded by a solid band of brothers, some of whom he is still closely linked with today, and he was personally discipled and mentored by our university pastor at the time. Not only was Matt our pastor at church, but he was also the speaker at Grace Bible Study, a city-wide college Bible study students would flock to in droves every Tuesday night. The Lord used Matt as a key instrument in my husband's life, a significant role in the refining and maturing process as a minister of the Gospel. The level of respect partnered with the prayers for his ministry to be richly blessed run deep for us.
~
This is the reason we took the time on Thursday morning, time away from work and the end of our last semester, to attend Southern's chapel service. Matt was the guest preacher that morning, and we would not have missed the opportunity to see him. After hearing him preach to this room filled to the brim with seminary students, we were reminded that some things never change. Even when years pass, ministry grows exponentially, and life happens, some things never change. Matt is still a man who, by the gifting and mercy of God, is wholeheartedly passionate about the Gospel of Jesus Christ. He has no qualms about calling men to genuine repentance and self-examination, and is not afraid to say the things so many shy away from. On Thursday morning, he leaned forward and asked the young men if they are truly called to the glorious and painful ministry of the Word, or if they are liars and using the name of Jesus for their own success in this life. The aim of his message can be summed up in this: when you are being devoured by the lions in your ministry, will your affection for Jesus Christ be enough?
~
We stayed afterwards to talk with Matt briefly, and my heart was encouraged as he pulled my husband into a bear hug. Life brings change...but some things remain. I was reminded of the bond they shared during our college years, mentor to student, close brothers with a common fire for the Gospel and glory of Christ. It was so good to see him, and he was glad to see us (and see us married now!) in return.
~
This was our last chapel service to attend at Southern, and as we were exiting the chapel, I could not help but me moved at how appropriate it seemed for Matt to be the guest preacher that day. The man for whom we give the Lord praise in how he has been so instrumental in our lives is the very one who spoke this week at the end of our seminary experience. It was so moving, and I had no words that day for how truly encouraged we were to hear and see him. I was deeply impacted by how the Lord used that Thursday morning experience to say, "Look where I have brought you, how I have cared for and sustained you." Even when we are unaware, He is continually at work through events and the lives of those with whom He intricately and purposefully crosses our paths. I needed that encouragement this week, as this season comes to a close and the realm of the unknown draws ever closer. Praise the Lord for those men and women in our lives who have been so instrumental. No credit to them - all glory and praise to the One who is so articulate to bless us in the exact manner we need.

Co-Hosting a Fab Baby Shower

2009-11-10T21:50:00.007-05:00

Disclaimer: I can take no credit for the incredible diaper cake you see above or the amazing food you see below! I simply put the stuff on the table, and added some bright pink additions here and there~

Me and my sweet friend Marcie hosted a baby shower for our friend Sarah from church this past weekend, and was it ever fun, adorable, and I'm pretty sure we all ate a sinful amount of delicious food (thanks to Marcie, of course!)

The game we played (watched) was perhaps the most hilarious one I have seen yet at a baby shower. Marcie had a series of questions to ask Sarah, and after she answered, we then listened to her husband's pre-recorded answers on the laptop. Anything from "What will the color of the baby's very first poop be?" to "Will you still love Molly even if she ends up going to OU for college?" Needless to say, good times and lots of laughs were had~

If anyone has known me for any length of time, they know that I am extremely sentimental. I would rather have a totally mismatched room of trinkets that hold some significant (or random) value or memory than to go order things from a department store that all match perfectly. It's just the way I'm built, and I'm pretty sure I will always be that way (hence the reason there is one of my grandmother's napkin holders sitting on the shelf in my closet, haha). Well, baby showers for women at Grace are the perfect opportunity for my sentimental waterworks to be tapped! Sarah received two homemade hats (Molly is going to be a little fashionista right away!), and our pastor's wife made an absolutely beautiful quilt. While I was by no means a blubbering mess, I did get teary-eyed as I took pictures of Sarah with her precious, priceless gifts~

We had such a sweet and fun time on Saturday, and it truly was an honor to be able to bless the mommy-to-be.

I have really been trying to savor such times of fellowship and opportunities to bless others, as the seminary season is coming to a close. While my husband and I may still be in limbo for an undetermined period of time, I can sense that things are quickly beginning to change. Couples and families from church are making plans to move away, we are receiving routine graduation reminders, and things are just...changing. This past Saturday was not only a sweet celebration with wonderful women, but it was also a time of reflection on how the Lord has been so gracious in allowing me to meet these ladies during this season. While we may not all be the absolute closest and best of friends, I love this season he has put each of us in. There is such a kindred spirit among us, a bond of friendship that runs deep, a hand always ready to serve one another, and an encouraging word to be shared. No matter where we all go in the months and years ahead, I will always look back on this season, and on knowing these precious women, with gratitude~

Double Birthday Wishes

2009-10-28T17:54:00.010-04:00

How did my puppy get to be 6 years old???

Yes, today we are celebrating the 6th birthday of the one and only Nali Collie. She has brought so much fun, laughter (some at her expense), simple joy, and has been more of a companion than I would have ever anticipated. In some ways, I feel like the time has flown by since the day I peeked into the dirty cardboard box in the WalMart parking lot and saw that irresistible face, and in other ways I can't remember what it was like not having her around. So today my husband and I are reflecting on all of the memories we have had so far with this big dog, and look forward to many more to come! Happy Birthday, Nali Collie, Nali the Melan-collie, Nurse Nali, Old Man, Lazy Susan, Hershey Kiss, Sugar Bun!

And today we also think of and are praying for my precious niece, Isabelle. I cannot believe she is 10 yrs old today! As I think of her, I think of my brother and where he is at currently. We fervently pray for him and everything he is working toward, working to overcome, and we look forward to the day when we are all able to see Isabelle again. Happy Birthday, sweet girl. Your family loves you, and wishes the absolute best for you!!

A friend who knows me all too well...

2009-10-19T12:24:00.005-04:00

A certain friend sent me an instant message at work today which read, "LOL, I found the perfect costume for your child one day." I replied, "Mine???" to which she replied, "Mmm hmm." And she's so right:

(photo courtesy of Toys R Us)

I can think of a number of costumes I would have no qualms about putting on any future children we may have, but really, a marshmallow Peep? Couldn't be more appropriate considering my ridiculous love affair with all things marshmallow~

Turning Worry into Worship

2009-10-11T20:13:00.004-04:00

How often do you find yourself in the midst of a season wherein you feel like you're just coasting by? You somehow manage to make it through each day, looking back on the day's events as a big blur, and have just enough time leftover to get a bit of sleep before the next morning arrives. I know we have all been there, some more often than we would like to remember, and I can definitely attest to being in such a season at this point in life. While things could be much, much worse, there have been days these past couple of months when I wish I had a coffee i.v. on hand. As I type this, I'm trying to forget that I have an extensive comprehensive exam due for my counseling class on Thursday, two scrapbooks due to a lady at work on Friday, and the seemingly neverending transition I'm in at work shifting from the old position to the new. My efforts to forget it all are futile... And while I'm at it, I will go on and add to the list the minor event of graduation rapidly approaching... Graduation? From seminary? How did we get here??
~
With my mind in overdrive, I decided this past week that I was going to take a personal day from work. I knew this past week that a day off from everything would be welcomed rest. While home on Thursday, I came across something on a blog I frequent that has resonated with me ever since. The pastor was reflecting on a recent vacation and time away from his busy life, and in his reflections he highlighted the rest which comes from Christ alone:

1) Sleep always helps, but is not the panacea. It is important for me to
have adequate sleep each night in order to function optimally. That said, sleep
alone doesn’t cure a tired soul;
2) Time away from the normal routine allows me to disconnect, but doesn’t
ensure I will connect with the Lord. I can turn off my phone and e-mails to help
quiet my mind. This is necessary and beneficial. It was great for me to simply
engage with my family and not consider all the responsibilities at work. That
said, time away and a vacation means that you will have to face your weary soul
either at your house or on vacation. Your heart goes with you;
3) The rest that revives and rejuvenates is the rest that is promised in
the Gospel. God has promised His children that we can cast our cares on Him
because He cares for us. . . . Vacation and time away has reminded me that
rest is a grace I overlook daily. And, that’s the kind of rest that I truly
need.
(http://hv.thevillagechurch.net/blog/hvpastor/?p=343)

Sure, I took the time away from work, emails, phone calls, and anything else in the context of a normal weekday, but just doing that is not enough for real rest. My soul has been tired and in need of rest. One of the greatest dangers in these seasons of "coasting by" is the absence of that rest which only comes from an intimate relationship with and dependence on Christ. I have become increasingly dry in recent weeks, not feasting on the bread of the Word and not drinking of the only water which will never make us thirst. The less my eyes are fixed on the Lord, the more I am ruled by my anxiety and tendency to worry; the more I allow myself to be ruled by such worry, the less I turn to the only Sustainer and Provider.
~
While at home on Thursday (or was in Saturday? I can't even keep days straight!), my husband was compelled to read a familiar passage from Scripture to me. What a blessing that he sometimes seems to know me better than I know myself... He read from Luke 12:13-34, beginning with the parable of the rich man who insisted on building even larger storehouses for himself than the sufficient ones he already owned. Immediately following the parable, Jesus says to His disciples, His friends,

And He said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about
your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For
life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens:
they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God
feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And which of you by
being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are
not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest?
Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell
you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God
so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown
into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do
not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all
the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you
need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to
you.
Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give
you the kingdom. Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide
yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens
that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys. For where
your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

I needed to hear this text and be reminded of the teaching and truth there. While I am quick to declare such promises to others, professing my belief in such rich promises, my functional belief often says something very different. There is a significant disconnect between what I sincerely believe and what my daily belief looks like. There is a danger in being so familiar with Scripture; when you're a student, it becomes easy to lose sight of the great need to meditate on the Word as often as we are able. We need to be reminded of the truths and very rich promises of Scripture - His Word is our food. May I not pass up the occasion to go to Him in prayer during the dry seasons, acknowledging that I am in need of the rest only He can provide, and that I desire for His truth to be what reigns in my heart. His nearness is our good, and He is faithful to provide and sustain even when we are so prone to "functionally" believe otherwise.

Favorite Photo(s) Friday - Some Recent Favorites and Funnies

2009-09-25T19:41:00.009-04:00

Thoughts and Much Prayer on Your Birthday...

2009-09-21T10:56:00.003-04:00

Happy 32nd birthday to my Bubba!

With utter dependence on His grace, confidence and trust in His perfect will, we pray continually that the Lord would perform a mighty work in your heart. We pray that He has ordained this as a time when your heart is softening, and when your ears and eyes are opening to the hope that comes from Christ alone. We pray believing that He has the power to perform miracles, and that He truly is might to save.

I love you, Bubba, and my thoughts are with you where you are at on this day, your birthday. We love you and hope nothing but the best for you~

Ladies Coffee & Dessert Night

2009-09-19T08:26:00.008-04:00

This past Wednesday evening, I hosted a coffee and dessert night for the women from my church. We had a good turnout even though several weren't able to come, with around ten ladies coming to satisfy their sweet tooth and just have some good girl time. As you can see in the picture above, we weren't hurting for enough decadent desserts!

The picture is blurry, but he's just the cutest toddler on the block! After being tickled to death, he sat up and his hair was standing on end - He is one of two of our favorite little men who came with their mommies for food and fellowship~

~ Sweet friends ~

I love these two women! What a true joy it has been getting to know them through church and our small group.

It was such a nice opportunity on Wednesday to just sit around and talk without anything planned or scheduled. We will definitely need to do this again very soon!

You know you have a wonderful, lifelong friend when...

2009-09-15T11:30:00.003-04:00

You receive a random text message in the middle of the workday that says:

"What if I told you ten years ago that you would one day live in Kentucky with a man named Bob? You would have thought I was nuts!"

I love and miss you, dear friend, and pictures like this one are proof that it's been way too long since I've seen your face.

Song for Sunday - The Glory of It All

2009-09-13T09:13:00.002-04:00

Oh the Glory of It All

(D. Crowder)

At the start He was there,

He was there

In the end, He’ll be there,

He’ll be there

And after all our hands have wrought

He forgives

Oh the Glory of it all is:

He came here

For the rescue of us all that

We may live for the glory of it all

For the glory of it all

All is lost find Him there,

Find Him there

After night dawn is there,

Dawn is there

After all falls apart

He repairs He repairs

Oh the Glory of it all is:

He came here

For the rescue of us all that

We may live for the glory of it all

Oh He is here for redemption from the fall

That we may live for the glory of it all

Oh the glory of it all

The glory of it all

Oh the glory of it all

After night comes the light

Dawn is here dawn is here

It’s a new day it’s a new day

Everything will change

Things will never be the same

We will never be the same...

Oh, the glory of it all is:

You came here

For the rescue of us all

That we may live for the glory of it all

Oh you are here with redemption for us all

That we may live for the glory of it all

For the glory of it all

Oh the glory of it all

BFF B-Day!!

2009-09-10T21:49:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday, Friend!!!! (And welcome to officially being in your late 20s, heehee)

I miss you dearly, and so wish I could be there to hug you and celebrate!

Love, "to infinity and beyond!"

Happy "40 Minus 1"

2009-09-05T15:02:00.000-04:00

From mentor to friend, the Lord has been so sweet to use this woman in my life for many years and in many ways. We are encouraged by this woman always, even from miles and miles away!

Happy "40 Minus 1" Birthday, PandaMom! I meant to post this yesterday, but considering how helplessly sentimental I can be, I didn't find it appropriate to be a blubbering pile of goo at work. (I made the mistake of reading Funderstorm's post first, and that just did me in.) I hope you're having a wonderful birthday weekend with your precious family. All our love~

Unexpected and Undeserved

2009-08-29T11:05:00.000-04:00

When was the last time you experienced the Lord's provision in a very personal and unexpected way? Have you ever found yourself fretting and spending wasted time wondering how a particular matter is going to work out? Have you ever had all of that worry come to a grinding halt because He intervened suddenly?
~
I have written much in my journal recently, not here until now, about a particular matter to which I have devoted much unnecessary worry. With graduation just around the corner, I've spent downtime wondering about my current employment, how that will be affected in the coming months, and ultimately wondering if there is something more for me post-seminary in regard to a career field. I have had a couple of possibilities in mind regarding potential career fields, just things to be considering for when we have graduated and know where we are going to be living more long-term. Concerning my immediate situation, though, my fretting has increased with each passing week as I wonder what will happen with this job I have been blessed to have with such a wonderful company these past four years. I honestly have no desire to leave the company at any point in the near future. However, I have been faced with two very real concerns; not only have I been antsy and unsettled with my current role, ready for new challenges from what I have been doing, but this particular role I am in cannot be fulfilled outside of the Louisville office. The nature of the role requires that my team interact with various departments within the office which simply can't be done remotely. Between interviewing for several open positions in other departments and wondering where in the world we will be in just a few short months, my trust has been gradually decreasing as worry has made itself at home in my heart.
~
Around the close of business this past Monday afternoon, I was faced with yet another rejection. I interviewed for a position a couple of weeks ago, one for which I was most eager, but was once again told "No. You're great and have strong qualities, but..." The words had become a familiar tune, but as I returned to my desk and prepared to leave for the day, I was filled with an unnatural peace. Sure I was disappointed, but I was genuinely fine with being told that I just wasn't the right fit for the job. I went home on Monday evening and told my husband, sharing with him my feelings of contentment and peace. He also reminded me that it was probably good that I was not selected considering that I would potentially have to resign in just a few short months if we move away following graduation. I woke up on Tuesday morning with a renewed sense of peace, eager to arrive at work and do my job well and with gratitude.
~
Much to my surprise, I was called into another manager's office that Tuesday morning for a rather unanticipated discussion. A certain role at the company has come available, one for which the current woman in that position has put in her resignation. Her husband is a student minister, and she has been wanting for some time to be more involved in his ministry (I knew her briefly while her and her husband were still here in Louisville as he was finishing seminary). Without having posted the job opening, without formally interviewing me or any others for that matter, I was offered the job!! I was in such shock at what I was being offered that I didn't respond for a few seconds. After pulling myself together, I eagerly accepted and began the process of talking with my current managers and signing the official offer letter. Here is where it gets interesting, and why I wanted to laugh at how incredible and unexpected this was - The woman who is resigning from this position has been in the role for two years... from Florida. When her and her husband moved to Florida following graduation, her manager basically created the position for her to be able to perform her job functions from her home office. So, not only have the managers (both current and the ones I will be working under) known and agreed that I was ready for new challenges at work, but they specifically offered me the job knowing that I will likely be moving away in the near future! My closest friend at work and I laughed all day just at the wonderfully unexpected turn of events.
~
Can I humbly be something to those of you reading this who may be struggling with trust in a very real and personal way? Can I be a living testimony of how the Lord provides even when we neither expect nor deserve such provision? I have not been trusting Him in recent months - I have not laid hold of and practically believed His unbreakable promises. He promises to provide, to sustain, to care, to uphold those who put their hope and trust in Him. We will not always, may not ever, fully see or understand what He is doing in our lives, but we can rest in knowing that He is doing something. He does not leave us to ultimately fend for ourselves when our hope is in Him. He is our only real hope! I have spent much of this week after the news of the job offer repenting and thinking upon the very promises He has given in Scripture. This job offer wasn't merely good news. The offer was an immediate punch in the gut as I came to the sudden realization of how much worry and doubt were taking the place of the very rich promises written on my heart. I needed this wakeup, this prompting of the Spirit to confess where I have not trusted and declare that I am wholly dependent on the Lord. I implore you, as a living testimony of such undeserved provision, to rest in His promise of provision and abundant life. He works in such unexpected and undeserved ways, even when we are so quick to doubt.

"My Shepherd will supply my need, Jehovah is His Name

In pastures fresh He makes me feed, beside the living stream.

He brings my wandering spirit back when I forsake His ways,

And leads me, for His mercy's sake, in paths of truth and grace."

(Isaac Watts)

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You,

because he trusts in You.

Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.

~Isaiah 26:3-4~

The Beginning of the End

2009-08-18T16:13:00.004-04:00

(Photo courtesy of sbts.edu)

The beginning of our last semester at Southern...can it be? Are we really nearing the end of such a significant season? My husband started classes today, and I will start on Thursday. Being the sentimental person I am, I wouldn't be surprised if there is are tears at random moments over the next four months as I take in all of the sights and sounds of this beautiful campus...