Song for Sunday

The Lord Will Provide

(John Newton, writer of "Amazing Grace", courtesy of Matthew Smith)

~

Though troubles assail and dangers affright,

Though friends should all fail and foes all unite;

Yet one thing secures us, whatever betide,

The scripture assures us, the Lord will provide

~

The birds without barn or storehouse are fed,

From them let us learn to trust for our bread:

His saints, what is fitting, shall ne'er be denied,

So long as it's written, the Lord will provide

~

We may, like the ships, by the tempest be tossed

On perilous deeps, but cannot be lost.

Though Satan enrages the wind and the tide,

The promise engages, the Lord will provide.

~

His call we obey, like Abram of old,

Not knowing our way, but faith makes us bold;

For though we are strangers we have a good Guide,

Trust in all dangers, the Lord will provide.

~

When Satan appears to stop up our path,

And fill us with fears, we triumph by faith;

He cannot take from us, though oft he has tried,

This heart-cheering promise, the Lord will provide.

~

He tells us we're weak, our hope is in vain,

The good that we seek we ne'er shall obtain,

But when such suggestions our spirits have plied,

This answers all questions, the Lord will provide.

~

No strength of our own, or goodness we claim,

Yet since we have known the Savior's great name;

In this our strong tower for safety we hide,

The Lord is our power, the Lord will provide.

~

When life sinks apace and death is in view,

This word of his grace shall comfort us through:

No fearing or doubting with Christ on our side,

We hope to die shouting the Lord will provide.

"Don't Act SO Surprised...

but yes, it's true...I'm working out." That's how the conversation went down when I first told my dad that me and my husband have started working out together. And while his reaction was humorous, could I blame him for being so surprised?

If you know me, have seen me, have wrapped your fingers around my tiny wrists, have commented on just how puny my arms really are, then you know that regular exercise for me has historically been non-existent. (Just ask Jen - she wooped me everytime I tried to take her when we were growing up!) Oh, I used to proudly claim that I DID workout since, after all, I was in marching band...for a whopping two years. But realistically speaking, "working out" and "exercise" have never been in my daily routine, much less my daily vocabulary. However, my husband bought our workout program three weeks ago, and I must brag on him for doing his research. With the countless fads, most of which are completely unbelievable, one might deem it nearly impossible to find a reputable exercise routine. Not only that, but how many of us have actually taken the steps to ordering a brand new system, get all excited and ready to get fit...only to watch whatever we bought sit in the corner gathering dust weeks later. My husband spent months researching a particular workout system prior to making the purchase, and he not only found one that we could easily follow along with but one that also works fairly well with our hectic work and school schedules. While I am not using this as a platform to advertise, I can at least tell you that it works. It sounds so cheeseball to say, but if it works for someone like me, weakling that I am, it can work for anyone!

So why did I start working out with my husband, and why does this one program work so well for me? Those questions must be asked together, and hopefully you will quickly detect why when you consider my reasoning and approach to working out:
~Me and my husband -- My time with my husband is limited. With both of us still in school and me working full-time, our moments spent together seem fleeting most days. Working out together not only prevents us from having to work out alone, but also provides an opportunity for us to make the most of our time together. There is no other person who can encourage quite like your spouse can, and this holds true for mine. He is encouraging, challenging, and spurs me on to persevere. I am more than encouraged that my husband sees beyond self-centered attainment in matters pertaining to exercise and personal stewardship.
~Skinny does not equal being in shape -- So I am skinny compared to some. While I am rather pear-shaped (thanks to what my momma gave me), I can look at my arms and upper body and know that I am smaller than some. I finally got tired of people commenting on how thin I am, all the while telling myself that they don't know the real me. Some of the comments come from people who don't know that I am a lover of sweets and that I have spent many years of my life not caring one iota about health and fitness. Ask anyone who has ever suffered from some medical condition that would otherwise go undetected. There are countless things that can go wrong that cannot be seen externally, but that can be prevented through proper attention to our personal fitness. I know plenty of women who are far more healthy than I am and who also happen to have more curves and are at a higher weight. I think focusing on the weight and focusing on the external appearance is what gets people wrapped up in fads that never last. There has to be more to this whole habit of working out than obsessively counting calories and stepping on the scale, right?
~This one body, this one life -- I have no idea how much I weigh right now. As a matter of fact, I don't care to know how much I weigh right now. Regardless of how thin I appear to those around me, what does it matter of I know deep down that I am horrible when it comes to personal stewardship? What does it matter if, beyond what everyone else knows or thinks they know about me, I know that I have potentially wasted years in this lifetime? Now, of course, in God's sovereignty there is ultimately no such thing as wasted years, but there is a right and biblical way to look at one's past. I have a track record of not taking care of my body, and, to be bluntly honest with myself and anyone else, that is not glorifying to the Lord. Being thin doesn't automatically mean that someone must be healthy and in shape. In fact, I have come to realize that sometimes having certain "thin genes" can be more dangerous when it comes to making excuses and not disciplining yourself.

While we have only been at this workout program for two weeks, that is two weeks more consistent than I have ever been in the past. I go home every evening and look forward to whatever DVD we are going to exercise to for that evening. I can also attest that everyone is different, and everyone is attracted to and responds differently to different kinds of workouts. What matters is not the name of the system we purchased, not how quickly I can lose however many pounds, but rather than this body was created for a purpose. I did not earn good health, I do not deserve a blessed life, and I cannot work toward personal stewardship of my body without the ultimate goal in mind -- glorifying the Lord with the body He created. He breathed life into my bones, and my worship is lacking if I am not displaying thanks through such stewardship. May that be the motivation that aids in my perseverance, and may it motivate you if you are in need of such encouragement~

Song for Sunday

Praise the Father, Praise the Son

O sovereign God, O matchless King

The saints adore, the angels sing

And fall before the throne of grace

To You belongs the highest praise

~

These sufferings, this passing tide

Under Your wings I will abide

And every enemy shall flee

You are my hope and victory

~

Praise the Father, Praise the Son

Praise the Spirit, Three in One

Clothed in power and in grace

The name above all other names

~

To the valley, for my soul

Thy great descent has made me whole

Your word my heart has welcomed home

Now peace like water ever flows

~

Praise the Father, Praise the Son

Praise the Spirit, Three in One

Clothed in power and in grace

The name above all other names

~

(2008, Ed Cash & Chris Tomlin)

When I Grow Up...

Was that a McDonald's commercial when we were kids that featured all the kids singing "When I grow up!" followed by the boy saying he wanted to be an astronaut or the girl wanting to be a ballerina? I think it was and I can remember my own dreams of such high achievements. One of our assignments in Mrs. Killackey's 6th grade homeroom class was to write an autobiography. We were instructed to elaborate upon who we were, what we were planning to do in junior high school, and what career we had set our hopes on. This was serious...I mean, I think I broke out in a sweat at the nervous thought of how important it was to discuss whether or not I was going to be popular and play the saxophone. I held my head high as I turned in the finished product after hours and days of pouring over this assignment - it was crucial that I get my achievements right and impress my favorite teacher. The rundown was that I was going to play saxophone in junior high school and make straight A's and have tame hair...yes, my ambitions were high. As an adult I was going to be a famous singer (a reasonable combination of Debbie Gibson, Bette Midler, and Reba McIntyre of course), the author of the most exquisite novels ever to grace the shelves of any bookstore, a Disney voiceover with the purpose of stealing the jobs of those women who had the speaking parts of Belle and Ariel, and let's not forget that I was going to have time to be a marine biologist. Are you kidding me? Where did I pull that one from?? I am baffled to this day as I wonder why I ever had the desire to squeeze in time with the fishies between all of the music gigs and signing autographs.

Now fast foward to today. Today is August 22, which means a number of things. For one, it means that one of the most influential couples in my life, two people who encouraged and led me all the way from early adolescence up until my wedding day just months ago, are celebrating their 16th wedding anniversary. I am more than blessed to know them, moved by God's grace in how He has so evidently used them as instruments in my life, and I wish them nothing but a sweet, reflective, joyful day as they celebrate this union the Lord orchestrated. As a married woman myself, I am so much more aware of why they said the things they did to me at an early age, why they cautioned me when I wanted to do anything but be patient, and because of that, I am all the more grateful for how God brought us into each other's lives.

On another note, today marks three years that I have been employed by the company where I work. I spent the first year feeling like an ignorant kid in an industry I knew nothing about, and now, three years later, I am considered the leader on my team. I am the one people come to with questions and the one responsible for any new training. If I stop and think about it for too long, I still feel like a kid wondering what I'm going to be when I grow up. On the bad days, the days when I'm in a crummy mood, I am most prone to questioning what in the world I am doing here. I look at my undergraduate degree and my current degree plan, and I wonder if I will ever actually be able to do what I want to do. My husband and I had what was perhaps one of the sweetest and most rich conversations a couple of nights ago that we have had in a long time. We started talking about where I am at in my current job, how I am enjoying it more than I ever expected, and also about where he is at in his seminary education. We talked about our dreams for the future, both individually and now together as a married couple walking through life together, and I realized that I hadn't dreamed big in a very long time. I look back on my first two years in Louisville and see how I dreamed less and less as the months passed by, and replaced the dreams with settling for how everyone around us defined the Christian life. I was often discouraged by the fact that I had awkward conversations with other women simply because I had a full-time job. Without even realizing it, I guess I had settled for not being in the mold, not being "normal," and had just stopped dreaming. My husband and I were talking about how we both started dreaming again after joining our church, and I couldn't help but take a deep, refreshing breath at such thoughts that had remained dormant for so long. When are our dreams for our lives actually impossible? I would have to say rare, and I say that because I think that we sometimes just stop dreaming altogether. Think of how many different circumstances--job, school, etc.--can create an atmosphere in which we shirk away from dreaming big. I fervently believe that the Lord has given us specific gifts for His glory and for us to utilize as we serve as instruments in the fields we are in. The people and responsibilities that we are inevitably going to be faced with are often further opportunities for us to serve and grow. For this particular season of my life, I am not in my "dream job," but that doesn't mean that it's not a place where I can mature and be used in completely unexpected ways as an instrument of truth and grace. This environment has proven to be a challenge I would have never anticipated, and one I would never want to change during this particular season of my life. Knowing the gifts I have been given, knowing that my ultimate calling is to glorify the Lord as a wife and hopefully as a mother some day, I can live each day knowing that I am where I am supposed to be. I won't be in this place forever, and the horizon is wide open as we look ahead. Dream big.

I Need Thee Every Hour

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;

No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.

~
(Chorus) I need Thee, O I need Thee;

Every hour I need Thee;

O bless me now, my Savior,

I come to Thee.

~
I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby;

Temptations lose their power when Thou art nigh.

~
I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;

Come quickly and abide, or life is in vain.

~
I need Thee every hour; teach me Thy will;

And Thy rich promises in me fulfill.

~
I need Thee every hour, most Holy One;

O make me Thine indeed, Thou blessèd Son.

I love the Church. When significant circumstances or seemingly mundane details overwhelm my heart, I am grateful for the Church. When I am admittedly battling with uncertainty, frustration, or worry, I am grateful for how the Lord manifests Himself through the encouragement and presence of fellow brothers and sisters. How easy it is and how quickly we can downspiral into the black hole of feeling as though we are the only ones going through a specific situation, acquainting ourselves with those thoughts that no one can fully understand or relate to our struggle. But how incredible is the real truth that we have not only our great High Priest who is near and sympathizes with our every weakness, but also that He provides the Church. In our sin and desire for comfort and signifance, we can quickly lose sight of those whom He has given us. Just as the disciples doubted Jesus even as they witnessed Him walking on water, we are so prone to doubt and question. But He is still alive, still interceding, reigning from His throne yet making His nearness evident. His nearness is our good, and that nearness is so often evidenced through fellow recipients of such unmatched and undeserved grace.

Song for Sunday

Jesus, Thank You

(from Sovereign Grace Ministries Worship)

~

The mystery of the cross I cannot comprehend

The agonies of Calvary

You the perfect Holy One, crushed Your Son

Drank the bitter cup reserved for me

~

Your blood has washed away my sin

Jesus, thank You

The Father’s wrath completely satisfied

Jesus, thank You

Once Your enemy, now seated at Your table

Jesus, thank You

~

By Your perfect sacrifice I’ve been brought near

Your enemy You’ve made Your friend

Pouring out the riches of Your glorious grace

Your mercy and Your kindness know no end

~

Your blood has washed away my sin

Jesus, thank You

The Father's wrath completely satisfied

Jesus, thank You

Once Your enemy, now seated at Your table

Jesus, thank you

And So We Wait...

What are the circumstances or thoughts that most remind you of the fleeting nature of this world? What compels your heart most to crying out thanks for this life, but longing for the one to come? I can testify to a number of such instances, a few of which I have seen or experienced in the past 24 hours...

The first instance came about while watching Larry King Live last night as tears formed in the corners of my eyes. Steven Curtis Chapman's family was featured for the entire hour, anwering questions from both Larry King and guests who either emailed or called in to the show. As the famous host asked questions pertaining to their faith - "Did you ever doubt?" - "Did you wonder if this could be prevented?" - "Were you ever angry at God?" - I was encouraged by the family's responses during what is still a very dark hour for them. They did not waver once, even when it was clear that the host was baffled by their answers. They are thankful to the One who gave them their precious daughter, sister, friend, and yet often long for the day when they will meet her again. What grief that is seemingly impossible to explain, and they continually hope and trust even when they don't understand or have all the answers to Why all of this has taken place. We don't have the answers, we don't know why such tragic events occur in our lives, but we trust in the One who causes all things to work together for our ultimate good and His glory. Marybeth Chapman answered a viewer's question regarding doubt. Her response was this - even in our darkest hour, when we were at rock bottom, even if we hit rock bottom face first, we always knew we were landing on a solid foundation.

The second instance occurred today while going through the motions of another day at work. I spent the day trying to distract myself with the tasks covering my desk and computer screen, while in reality I was struggling to think of anything but a particular phone call. This is the circumstance that reminds more often than any other of this fleeting life. I have been diagnosed with an uncommon medical condition, and I am currently waiting for lab results on something that is probably unrelated. Doctors aren't certain at this point, and I am in the waiting process of not knowing anything at all. Physical flaws and sickness have the incredible ability to do one of two things; they either send us into a self-loathing, self-pitying downspiral, or they draw us to the One who knew us before time began. I find myself continually preaching the truth to myself, the truth which only comes from His Word. His Word remains true when my heart is prone to doubt, worry, or not like what I see in the mirror. My mind becomes flooded with the faces of those I know personally who have walked through dark valleys of serious illness, and I am reminded of how a mere phone call from a doctor can make one's life feel as if it's been turned upside down. I am reminded of how relatively small my medical concerns are in light of those of others I know. I am also reminded that these outer bodies are continually in the process of aging, and no one can reverse the inevitable.

The third instance took place this evening while watching a prominent news channel. My husband and I couldn't help but notice that every major news network was not reporting on the Olympic Games, not reporting on the turmoil in the country of Georgia, but on the news about John Edwards' extramarital affair. We paused briefly on a particular station after resolving that it was the only item receiving attention, and I became so angry that I had to leave the livingroom. A recognized contributor to the station was giving his two cents about this affair, and attempted brushing over the ordeal with the excuse that "he's only human." This was the second of two men, one of whom is a former employee of the Edwards campaign, who tried not fousing on the affair, but wanting instead to focus on his supposed efforts and causes in the political sphere. I didn't know whether to put my fist through the television or get sick to my stomach, so I made my exit from the room until I was calmed down. I don't bring this up as a conservative individual give my political opinion of a prominent member of the opposing party. Rather I bring this up with utter disgust at how the choice to brush aside issues pertaining to man's integrity has become seemingly effortless. Does the Lord judge someone based on whether or not he managed to get universal healthcare implemented without acknowledging the thoughts and intentions of the heart? Last I checked, the truth is that it's actually the opposite. That a man can completely dishonor his family, engaging in infidelity while simulteneously denying such actions, all at the altar of success and fame, makes my blood boil. This is more than a political game during an election year but is rather an issue of man's sinful, corrupt heart. May all be made right in the Lord's sovereign timing.

The fourth instance is one which grieves me in a very personal way. I began watching the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games tonight, and honestly could not watch the entire program. I watched choreography and music performed so perfectly, order and precision that seemed impossible in the realm of human ability. That many people dancing in such uniformity seemed truly impossible. I began thinking of how many hours must have been put into practice in order to perfect the show. These thoughts then led me to remembering my time spent years ago with Chinese students. The ones I met were so harshly disciplined, and had such high standards set for them by others, that it was hard for them to simply be kids. As I listened to the news commentators describe the performances at the start of the opening ceremony, I was reminded of how many issues have been ignored. Seemingly countless orphans, unrest, and religious persecution are pervasive. I want to watch the women's gymnastics as I do every year, but I wonder if I will be able to this year. Whatever I decide to or not to watch, I can't help but recollect the images I saw in East Asia. Faces void of any emotion, individuals seemingly numb to surrounding pressure and events, and young students afraid to voice their yearning for freedom are still fresh on my mind... No amount of impressive light shows can erase reality.

So we wait for the Lord.

His grace strengthens

His presences comforts

His promises assure

His power activates

His rule guarantees

that someday rest, real rest, pure rest, eternal rest,

will reign once more.

No violence in creation

No weed or thorn

No cleft between God and man

No reason to hide

No cause for fear

No need unmet

No grief to face

between God and man.

Yes, rest, true rest, will live again and last forever.

So we wait for the Lord

to restore us to that place.

Bright Son, pure love, unfettered peace, unstained beauty,

God and man together forever.

Until that day,

with hearts that are strong

and hope that is undimmed

and joy that embraces the future,

We wait for the Lord.

(Paul Tripp)

What are the circumstances in which you find yourself longing for Christ to come quickly? What spurs you on to crying out for His justice and mercy?

The Little Scrap Mania Circle

"A Scrapbooker is entrusted with documenting and safely preserving family photos in an album to be treasured by future generations."

"You have the right to take as long as you want to create an album page. This may take five minutes or two weeks."

"You have the right to do nothing more than snack and socialize at a 6-hour cropping party." (Edit: 11-hour)

"You have the right to value your personal scrapbooking style to be as important as your photographs. You are creating a treasure. . . . You have the right to create your own legacy, one page at a time."

These fun pictures were not taken by me, nor were they taken from this past Saturday of scrapbooking. If I had taken the pictures this past weekend, you would see the aftermath of mouth surgery (i.e., me looking like someone socked me in the face). And I might as well mention the valuable lesson I learned on Saturday afternoon: It is not a good idea to write really big words using a marker, without first using a pencil, when you're loopy on pain pills. You will inevitably end up with a bright, bold and purple title that is spelled completely wrong.

My love for scrapbooking has been renewed upon joining our church, as I mentioned in a previous post. More than a mere craft, this is an important task for me in preserving not just my personal photos, but those of my friends and family as well. I have had the honor of making a scrapbook for a co-worker, as well as preserving the memories in picture form of my dear grandparents. Not only do I get to spend hours being creative, but I have the opportunity to do so among friends! These sweet ladies, women I am fortunute to call friends, have become some of my favorite in recent months. We meet up once a month (try at least!) and spend hours talking, snacking, and busying ourselves with our favorite hobby. I have grown to adore them, and always look forward to the next "scrap mania." I am reminded on such Saturdays of what fellowship really looks like, and what a joy it is to invest in each other's lives.

("Scrapbooker's Bill of Rights", courtesy of www.paperwishes.com)

Song for Sunday...on Monday!

O Great God

(words & music by Bob Kauflin)

~

O great God of highest heaven

Occupy my lowly heart

Own it all and reign supreme

Conquer every rebel power

Let no vice or sin remain

That resists Your holy war

You have loved and purchased me

Make me Yours forevermore

~

I was blinded by my sin

Had no ears to hear Your voice

Did not know Your love within

Had no taste for heaven’s joys

Then Your Spirit gave me life

Opened up Your Word to me

Through the gospel of Your Son

Gave me endless hope and peace

~

Help me now to live a life

That’s dependent on Your grace

Keep my heart and guard my soul

From the evils that I face

You are worthy to be praised

With my every thought and deed

O great God of highest heaven

Glorify Your Name through me

Song for Sunday

God Be Merciful to Me

~

God, be merciful to me;

On Thy grace I rest my plea

Plenteous in compassion Thou,

Blot out my transgressions now;

Wash me, make me pure within;

Cleanse, O cleanse me from my sin.

~
My transgressions I confess;

Grief and guilt my soul oppress.

I have sinned against Thy grace,

And provoked Thee to Thy face.

I confess Thy judgement just;

Speechless, I Thy mercy trust.

~
I am evil, born in sin;

Thou desirest truth within.

Thou alone my Savior art,

Teach Thy wisdom to my heart;

Make me pure, Thy grace bestow,

Wash me whiter than the snow.

~
Broken, humbled to the dust

By Thy wrath and judgment just,

Let my contrite heart rejoice,

And in gladness hear Thy voice;

From my sins O hide Thy face,

Blot them out in boundless grace.

~
Gracious God, my heart renew,

Make my spirit right and true.

Cast me not away from Thee,

Let Thy Spirit dwell in me;

Thy salvation's joy impart,

Steadfast make my willing heart.

~

Sinners then shall learn from me,

And return, O God, to Thee

Savior all my guilt remove,

And my tongue shall sing Thy love

Touch my silent lips, O Lord,

And my mouth shall praise accord

~

This modern hymn so beautifully displays the words we read in Psalm 51. Each of the verses seems to point out one of the many sins that finds its home in the human heart. Not only are such sins brought to light, but we see in these words that hope is not lost. Though man is born in sin, though we are each of us deserving of eternal punishment, there is hope for those who find their rest in Him. For those whom He has chosen, for those who confess the sins that so easily entangle, He is gracious and faithful to grant forgiveness and true repentance. Our pastor posed a question this morning during his sermon: what set Peter apart from Judas in regard to their sin against Christ (John 13; Luke 22:31-32)? Peter entrusted Himself to the One who saves, the One who judges rightly. Peter's denial of Christ was followed by confession, repentance, and he went on to proclaim the truth to the early Church. Which of these verses stands out to you the most? Is there one in particular that resonates with your heart? If you are convicted and in need of true confession, He is faithful to forgive and cleanse.

"Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme..."

I was giddy all week in anticipation of Thursday night. One of the great things about living in a city like Louisville is that I have had the joy of seeing some of my favorite musicals live. Thursday was one of those nights when I was able to see a performance I have wanted to see since being a little girl twirling around the living room. (I made sure to apologize to my team at work in advance on Thursday morning if they caught me humming particular Disney songs to myself throughout the day.)

I went with a group of six ladies to see "Beauty and the Beast" at the Derby Dinner Playhouse. This is a local theater that hosts various shows, and you are given a full dinner when attending a performance. We were at our very own table located right by the stage. I was sold on the place as soon as we walked through the doors. The stage is in the center of the room, and all of the tables are surrounding it. Because "Beauty and the Beast" was the performance for the evening, the stage actually looked like a stack of gigantic books. There was never a scene we couldn't see because they literally used the entire room for the performance. The waiters and waitresses are also part of the cast, so when you first sit down there is a lingering curiousity as to which character your table's waiter is going to play. We had a wonderful time, and the playhouse seemed to disappear as we were pulled into this magical story.

One of the marks of my childhood was watching my favorite Disney movies over and over, dreaming of the day when my own Prince Charming would swoop in, or wondering if I would ever visit an enchanted castle and wander through the mysterious rooms. My imagination always ran wild with such thoughts, so I was always either reading and dreaming or watching these musicals and dreaming. This is one of the reasons I seemed to always resonate most with "Belle." Out of all the Disney personalities I adored growing up, she was the one I was always drawn to most. I used to imagine what it would have been like to live in a different era, and thought that I would be similar to her in her little country town. All of the townspeople knew her, they all liked and respected her, but she always felt a little out of place. While all of the other young people were congregating at local gatherings, she preferred to have her nose in a book. Although she was present in body, her mind was often wandering off to magical places. This was me as a little girl. You would rarely find me outdoors during my early years, or at parties during my adolescence. Aside from my closeknit circle of friends (girls I still hold dear to this day), I was usually holed up in my own little world of imagination as I poured over the pages of a book. I always felt a little different, like there was something that made me stand out but that I could never quite place my finger on. And this is one of the reasons that it would take a man like none other to come in and unexpectedly swoop me off my feet...

I think we each have a character from our childhood with whom we connect, hence the reason we always loved him or her. I adored "Belle" above and beyond any enjoyment I had in watching (and singing along with) "Ariel" or "Jasmine" or "Aurora." And more than anything, as an adult looking back at my innocent youth, I cannot help but see how such tales of mystery and adventure can draw us to the Author of our own unique stories.

Song for Sunday

Jesus My Only Hope

I come into Your presence

With nothing in my hands

I only bring thanksgiving

For Jesus, God and Man

I cast myself on mercy

I cast myself on love

I trust Your gracious promise

To wash me with Your blood

Jesus my only hope, my only plea

My righteousness, my Great High Priest

Who intercedes for me before the throne

Jesus, I trust in You alone

I will not fear Your judgment

For me, no wrath I dread

For it was spent on Jesus

Poured out upon His head

When Satan’s accusations

Make my poor heart afraid

I hear my King declaring

“Father, that debt is paid”

Jesus my only hope, my only plea

My righteousness, my Great High Priest

Who intercedes for me before the throne

Jesus, I trust in You alone

(words and music by Mark Altrogge - www.SovereignGraceMusic.org)

No Substitute

I am without my wedding ring this week, and it is quite possibly going to drive me completely bananas! The wedding and engagement bands are a set, so I took it to the shop earlier in the week after six months of feeling the two sliding around separately on my finger. Well, as soon as I got home on the day I took my rings in, I immediately went to my jewelry box to see what ring I could wear in the meantime. There are a couple to choose from, mostly ones I received from grandparents over the years. I picked out three, walked them in to where my husband was working at the computer, and asked him which he thought would be the most appropriate substitute. He quickly swiveled the chair around, look straight into my eyes and said, "No, there is no substitute." I admittedly became slightly whiny and replied, "But I feel strange not having my wedding ring on my finger," to which he then replied, "But there is no substitute. No other ring should ever go on that finger." Now, if you aren't someone who finds extreme significance in symbolism, then this scene may not mean much. But to me, this was huge. There is no substitute, even if temporary. Nothing will ever take the place of the ring that was placed on my finger, signifying that I am now, and for the rest of my days, my beloved's and he is mine.

"Remember the former days of old..."

...which for me includes remembering the days before proper eyebrow maintenance.

Song for Sunday

O the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus

(words by Samuel Trevor Francis, adapted by Thomas John Williams)

O the deep, deep love of Jesus,

Vast, unmeasured, boundless, free!

Rolling as a mighty ocean

In its fullness over me!

Underneath me, all around me,

Is the current of Thy love

Leading onward, leading homeward

To Thy glorious rest above!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus,

Spread His praise from shore to shore!

How He loveth, ever loveth,

Changeth never, nevermore!

How He watches o’er His loved ones,

Died to call them all His own;

How for them He intercedeth,

Watcheth o’er them from the throne!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus,

Love of every love the best!

’Tis an ocean vast of blessing,

’Tis a haven sweet of rest!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus,

’Tis a heaven of heavens to me;

And it lifts me up to glory,

For it lifts me up to Thee!

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Similar to those bloggers who post a "Thursday Thirteen," "Wordless Wednesday," or "Favorite Photo Friday," I've decided to do my own weekly post on Sundays. I am more than blessed to attend a church that sings rich music, both in words and melody. I was reminded this weekend, though, of how easy it can be to sing through such lyrics without pausing to meditate on the truth being communicated. The Lord really pierced my heart with this old hymn this morning as I was singing through the worship music and helping lead the congregation. After what has been an extremely mixed bag of emotions this weekend, both laughter and tears, these words were as a balm to my soul.

Nothing like a fun birthday on a hot summer day!

40 Scripture memory verses, 95 pages of notes, 5 books, and a 10-page assignment later, I am finally able to rest. Although I still have the final exam to complete before next Friday, I am done with my summer class. My husband just finished his 6-week Hebrew class as well, so we have both spent the past day doing very little that requires an extended amount of thinking. I was so tired last night, I fell asleep while doing laundry, and he had to come and remind me that there were wet clothes still waiting to be dried. All that to say that we are definitely enjoying our Saturday!

While my husband is still recooperating, I decided to go to a birthday party this afternoon. BreAnna is one of my newest friends at church, and she is celebrating her "20-10" birthday as she referred to it. There was a good number of people there and just one more chance for me to meet people that we still haven't gotten a chance to know. (This picture is of BreAnna, her husband Micah, and sweet little Toby!)

This could be very dangerous...I was introduced to a new shop here in town that specializes in cake. I am most certain that we will be visiting this little shop in the very near future...

You can't go to a party without the kids asking to have their picture taken! I talked to these little girls about popsicles and Disney stuff, and they of course wanted to me to take a picture just so they could see themselves. So cute!

Even though the flash didn't come on for this picture, I still liked it ~ Me and the birthday girl cooling off in her kitchen

Happy birthday, BreAnna! I hope you enjoy your day and that you had a wonderful time at the party!

When Paths are Crossed

We can never be sure when or how the Lord is going to cross our path with that of another individual, someone completely unexpected. During some downtime at work about a month ago, I found myself browsing the most recent news updates on the website for the Tuberous Sclerosis Alliance. This website has proven helpful in reading the latest features and research updates, as well as discovering which states and cities have a group of volunteers represented. Kentucky doesn't currently have an alliance, but Ohio has an extremely active volunteer base. In my search, I came across a news article about little 2-year-old named Meghan. As with many cases of TS, Meghan's family had no knowledge of the condition until she began having seizures. Tests showed that little Meghan had growths on both her brain and heart. The family, both Meghan's parents and grandparents, have been heavily involved in volunteer opportunities and raising awareness about what is still a very unfamiliar condition to many.

Since first reading this news article, I have been corresponding with Meghan's grandmother, Cheryl, via email. They have provided information about the alliance in Ohio, including dates of the events that are scheduled for 2009. While I am still uncertain as to the possibility of attending these events, I have been so surprised at the amount of families involved in the cause! You learn so much about the love of closeknit families, and all who are involved can be encouraged knowing that they aren't alone. In our most recent email correspondence this past week, Cheryl asked that I provide for her a detailed account of my story. She seems to be the type of individual who welcomes insight from anyone willing to provide it in regard to TS, and I was more than happy to give her a glimpse into what the journey has been like thus far. I am not sure at this point in our "conversation" where she is at in relation to the Lord, so I presented my story in a way that gently, and directly, emphasized how I have seen the Lord's hand in everything that has occurred thus far.

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Dear Cheryl,

From a very young age, maybe around the age of four, I had a red "birthmark" on my face. My mom tells me that it started as a very tiny spot on my right cheek, as if there was just a blood vessel close to the skin, and it grew until sometime when I was in elementary school. My "birthmark" felt like a signature mark on my face as I saw it in every picture taken of ,and it was a spot noticeable to everyone. There were numerous visits to doctors throughout my childhood, from family practitioners to dermatologists, who stared in awkward silence at this skin abnormality to which they couldn't assign a known cause. One doctor called it a mole (right), and another pulled his monster medical book from the shelf and flipped through the pages for what seemed like hours. All that to say we never received an answer or suggestion for where to go for specific assistance.

It wasn't until college that I started thinking more seriously about the other skin problems. The patches of bumpy skin on my lower back were nothing like those on my face (I now have two areas on my face, the one on my cheek and one that developed under my jaw line). Those areas on my back spread very gradually, but it was still very obvious that they were, in fact, spreading. There was also the question of why I had patches on my arms and legs where there seemed to be no pigment in the skin. My mom became increasingly more insistent that I visit her new dermatologist in the Dallas/Fort Worth area in hopes of getting a more informed opinion, and my boyfriend (now husband) agreed that it would be a good idea.

My mom accompanied me to her dermatologist in the fall of 2004. I didn't have high hopes for being told anything new. Within minutes of meeting the dermatologist, he glanced at my face, back, fingernails (definitely a first), and told me that he was almost certain of the diagnosis. He also asked to schedule another appointment to have a biopsy of one of the spots on my back. After all of this was done, he informed me that all signs pointed to Tuberous Sclerosis (TS). I understandably didn't know at the time what that meant exactly, but there was definite relief to finally have an answer.

I moved to Louisville, KY in June 2005, and scheduled appointments with a dermatologist and neurologist as soon as my medical insurance went into effect. Both doctors recommended a CT scan of my brain and chest (lungs), as well as an ultrasound of my kidneys. Through personal research and consulting with them, I found out that these are the target areas checked for any internal growths caused by TS. I will never forget the phone call I received from Dr. Donovan, the dermatologist, with news of the test results. She informed me that night that a spot had been detected on my brain. Of all the places for there to be tubers, there was one on my brain. While growths related to TS are not malignant, there was no way to tell if this spot had remained the same size all these years or if it was continuing to grow. Since I hadn't had my first scans until 22 years of age, they wanted to follow-up with more tests a year later to see if the spot had grown. (There were a few other minor spots and calcium deposits, but only one spot that was the cause for concern.) The second round of testing in 2006 involved an MRI rather than a CT scan in order to provide the doctors a more detailed image. Much to our relief, there was no indication that the spot on my brain had grown, so my neurologist suggested that I wait a couple of years until the next MRI. At this point, my doctors have suggested a scan of my brain every two years unless growth is indicated, and a scan of my lungs and kidneys every five years since there are currently no concerns there.

Those are all of the medical details to date. I have been overwhelmed by the vast amount of information doctors have been able to provide, particularly considering how new TS still is to the medical field. I have seen God's hand at work in this since the first steps taken three years ago to get actual answers. One such example of His involvement in all of this has to do with the simple fact that I moved to Louisville when I did. Not only did I unknowingly move to what is a huge medical hub, transitioning from blank stares to concrete answers and real help, but my neurologist here is an acquaintance of Dr. Neil Franz at the Cincinnati Children's Hospital. Dr. Franz is a pediatric neurologist and head of the Tuberous Sclerosis Clinic there in Cincinnati, primarily focusing on children since TS is seen overwhelmingly in children rather than adults. I visited the clinic and Dr. Franz in 2006 and 2007, and he provided some of the most current information there is available nationwide. I was absolutely overwhelmed by his level of knowledge in this area, and saw myself as fortunuate and truly blessed to have been linked with one of the leading doctors in the U.S.

To be perfectly honest, though, when I stop and think through my struggle with TS and the reality of living with such a relatively unknown condition, I typically don't think of myself. In the process of researching TS and gathering as much information as possible, my husband and I have been faced with an even more sobering reality. Because of how I have been affected by TS, because of the genes that have been affected, any children I have biologically will have a 50% chance of inheriting the condition. And to take it a step further, within that 50% chance, any children I bear have an 80% chance having a much more severe manifestation. I learned that this large percentage of children are are born wtih seizures or some degree of mental disability. For someone who has a deep, nurturing desire to bear my own children, this came as a blow for which I wasn't exactly prepared.

The thoughts of family planning cross my mind at least once a month. Being faced with a condition that affects me individually is one thing, but knowing that I could pass along a potentially debilitating condition to my own children can make my stomach turn. However, there are things I have learned since that first official diagnosis in 2005 to remind me that none of this has occurred by accident. It is no accident that I married a man who was himself adopted, and there is no question in our minds that adoption is a high probability when it comes to building our little family. Little did I know just a few short years ago that the Lord would provide a man with whom I am like-minded in such issues, and one who would lead me in truth and not in my emotions. When I am prone to despair, I know that he is going to bring me back to reality because of the way he already leads our home just six months into our marriage.

On a personal note, my perception of myself, both emotionally and physically, has been directly challenged. The Lord brings even these conditions into our lives for the ultimate purpose of finding our only hope in Him and clinging to Him alone in this life we have been given. I look at myself in the mirror every morning and night, and I would be lying if I didn't admit that it can be a struggle. Even with a husband who is more supportive and encouraging than I could have ever hoped for or imagined, I still spend many moments in front of the mirror only seeing the imperfections. The Lord is gracious to use these difficult moments to remind me that He created every detail, every "imperfection" of who I am. The question is not whether I am beautiful, but why I am beautiful. I am who I am because He created me according to His own will, and He has redeemed me for His own glory. I am so quick to forget such earth-shattering promises and the hope that is Him alone, but that's why I can only focus on that which is true. If I believe the lies while looking back at my reflection, it doesn't take long for me to downspiral. But when I cling to Him and that which He has said is true about His purpose in creating me, the imperfections don't seem so imperfect. The truth is that we live in a fallen world, and with that will inevitably come pain, sickness, disease, disaster, and ultimately, death. The question I have to ask myself as one who has been redeemed through Christ is whether or not I reflect Him. In the context of this world, is He evident in and through me? That is my daily prayer, and those who trust in Him are never driven to despair.
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The family has also put together a website for the specific purpose of providing updates on Meghan's development. She has certain therapists she meets with on a regular basis, and her family provides both insightful and encouraging information regarding all they are learning during this process. Through Meghan's website, I found that the family has linked to numerous other families that are doing the same thing for the same purpose. I had to make myself get back to work after all of my new discoveries because I was so mesmerized by all of the many websites I was coming across. Who would have thought that reading one news article would lead to this? I am excited to network with others, but I have been especially touched by what I know of precious little Meghan's family. I pray the Lord is evident and at work in all of my correspondence with them...

Happy 4 and Happy 6!

Happy 4th of July!! What were our big holiday plans? We didn't have any, and it was GREAT! My husband and I are both right in the middle of summer classes, so all we really had on the agenda for the extended weekend was to sleep in. (I think I would always wake up on weekdays with a smile on my face if I didn't have to set an alarm as was the case yesterday morning.) Since we had the day off and since my husband was going to grill steaks for dinner, I figured it was a perfectly good opportunity to try yet another recipe. So while he was getting all the goods ready for that, I was making these delectable blonde brownies. Thanks to my co-worker Ashley for the recipe, and she wasn't joking - you can't go wrong with these blonde beauties!
And Happy 6-month anniversary!! On some days I can't believe that we have already been married for six months, and on other days I can't believe we have only been married six months!

My husband truly is my best friend, and I could have never known in all our years of dating that our love for one another could be so deep. I have always been told that you continue to grow in that love as your relationship matures and blossoms with time, but never could I have imagined how wonderful that journey is. I am overwhelmed at the encouraging, self-sacrificing love we have for one another already, and to think that such is only going to continue growing is nothing short of incredible. I look at this man everyday, and I am amazed at the fact that I actually get to walk with him for however many years the Lord affords. So this is love...wow, the mystery truly is profound. And here's to the first six months. May the Lord continue blessing our relationship, increasing our love for one another in this life's journey of knowing and becoming more like Him.

Always Prepared to Give an Account

"But sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you..." 1 Peter 3:15

I have, admittedly, never been good at evangelism. I have never been able to make heads or tails of the common approaches to evangelism among contemporary churches. The tension seems to be found between a methodical approach and a relational approach to confronting others with the Gospel. Very few things drive me more crazy, make my face become more hot, than those who treat evangelism and those involved as a project. Rather than having a motive which stems from presenting the whole Gospel to the whole person, people are treated as commodities and one more notch on the stick of evangelism successes, i.e. another soul "won for Christ." Rather than investing in their lives, meeting them where they are at in both their personal lives and in their particular culture, methods of approach are based on growth by numbers and not by true repentance. The other approach, as mentioned, is a more relational approach in witnessing to others (the approach I tend to take). This is the approach by which believers do engage individuals in personal ways, ministering to them through various means and in a variety of environments whether at the office, in the classroom, or at a coffeeshop. Yet where and how do you transition into intentionally communicating the Gospel truth to them? Where do you make the connection between their particular issue or circumstance and the only Source of truth and hope? This is not only my approach; this is my struggle.

Last night marked the first of a two-week class I'm taking at school, a class focusing on none other than the issue of personal evangelism. During the typical class introductions, the professor asked us to tell him and the rest of the students what we hope to take away from this particular course. I immediately began thinking of my current work situation, and the people with whom I have been fortunate to work alongside. I began thinking about the general makeup of the individuals within the company, what they represent in light of our surrounding society. The majority of people I work with are fairly comfortable in life. We are a fast-paced, growing, successful company and many give off the appearance of contentment. While I have been more than grateful for this job, there is also potential danger in such a position. I find it easy to simply fit into the common air of comfort, allowing my mind to get lost in the bustle of paperwork and phone calls. I get along with everyone, everyone seems happy, so what more is there to question? It shouldn't take one long to discover why I find it so easy to make excuses for not being more intentional in my approach to those I see on a daily basis... Our first assignment for this class is a two-page account of our personal testimony: life prior to conversion, the conversion experience itself, and life following conversion. While I wasn't the least bit surprised by such an assignment, I began thinking about the importance of a seemingly basic task. If I was presented with the opportunity to do so, would I be able to share my personal testimony of the Lord's saving grace in such a way that was simple yet reflective of His power to breath new life into dead hearts? I spent the better part of last night tossing such questions back and forth in my mind, and the following is what I came up with for a written account of my personal testimony:


PERSONAL TESTIMONY
My small family was never far from the doors of the church. With my mom as the pianist and my brother and I involved in virtually every program available to children, we rarely missed a Sunday or Wednesday at the Baptist church where I was raised. I come from a long line of Baptists, many of whom proudly wear the title without knowing what it really means. All I knew as a child was that we went to church because it was expected. I can look back at my childhood years and see that there was little evidence of certain individuals in my family possessing a vibrant, growing relationship with the Lord. I learned early on, even before I could actually articulate the issue, that one can religiously attend church and yet never show any fruit of true conversion.
I still struggle at times to recollect details of my salvation experience, the specific moment of conversion, due to my young age. This moment, though, came following a Sunday night at my home church when my family was in attendance at a rockin' Christian band concert. (To this day I seriously doubt that the big-haired guy playing the synthesizer is who won me over.) I was only eight years old at the time, and the most vivid memory I have of this particular night was the feeling I had as I glanced around at the surrounding audience. I remember this gnawing feeling deep in the pit of my stomach as I was overcome with one thought: something was missing. As I looked around the sanctuary, I was struck with the reality that I did not know God personally, and certainly did not know His Son the Savior. All of the songs I had been singing since the age of two, all of the verses I was trained to memorize, seemed empty as I realized that I did not know the One whom the words were describing. Upon arriving home later that evening, I sat on my bed with my mother and shared my thoughts with her. I vaguely remember her asking me questions primarily for assurance of whether or not I was experiencing true conversion. We closed our conversation with prayer, and my mom asked me to pray aloud. I remember asking Him to forgive me of all I had done wrong and to cleanse me as my personal Lord and Savior. I was baptized by immersion only a week or two following the moment of conversion as a biblical mandate and indication of the transforming work Christ had performed in my heart.
Due to my young age at the time, I admit that there were years following when I questioned the sincerity of my conversion. I struggled at times with assurance of salvation, particularly in my early teenage years and around the time when my parents divorced. The question always came to mind of how someone can be a true believer and still battle with anger, depression and frustration. As an immature adolescent, I watched in confusion as my older brother, who once professed the same faith as I did, took a nosedive into a life characterized by rebellion.
Only by the grace of God was I surrounded during these years by godly leaders and friends, many with whom I remain in close contact to this day. The Lord opened my eyes to the truth that He held and protected me through my adolescence, guarding my heart in ways I was unaware of at the time. I cannot look back at the years afforded to me and not be overcome by His overwhelming sovereignty and grace. Not only did He guard me personally in those early years, but I have been able to see how past experiences led up to where I am currently. His Holy Spirit has clearly been shaping me from an early age in such a way that bears witness of the truth and hope found only in Him and in His Word. He has revealed to me through relationships, both family and friends, that He is the only One who satisfies the weary, wounded soul. I could never earn the grace the Father has bestowed, something which He has revealed abundantly in these first months of marriage to my husband. I know without a doubt that I am unworthy of the rich gifts the Lord has provided, of the salvation made possible through Jesus Christ, and that He alone has the power to redeem His beloved. May He receive the glory for all He has done, all He is doing now, and all He will do.

Have you taken time to think through and write out your personal testimony? I am tempted to say that anyone who reads this should consider themselves "tagged," but I won't. However, if you feel compelled to write your testimony out, a written account of Christ's saving work in your life, let me know! Whether it serves as a personal reflection of how you have experienced and seen evidence of His work in your life, or serves as something beneficial in any evangelistic opportunity that the Lord provides, I really this is something well worth time and thought.

"And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6

Unreservedly Yours

One year ago today - he treated me to dinner, took me for a walk along the Riverfront, handed me the most profound letter my eyes have ever fallen upon, and I said "YES!"
(photo courtesy of Charles Smith Photography)

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. ~Ephesians 5:29-32