Unexpected and Undeserved

When was the last time you experienced the Lord's provision in a very personal and unexpected way? Have you ever found yourself fretting and spending wasted time wondering how a particular matter is going to work out? Have you ever had all of that worry come to a grinding halt because He intervened suddenly?
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I have written much in my journal recently, not here until now, about a particular matter to which I have devoted much unnecessary worry. With graduation just around the corner, I've spent downtime wondering about my current employment, how that will be affected in the coming months, and ultimately wondering if there is something more for me post-seminary in regard to a career field. I have had a couple of possibilities in mind regarding potential career fields, just things to be considering for when we have graduated and know where we are going to be living more long-term. Concerning my immediate situation, though, my fretting has increased with each passing week as I wonder what will happen with this job I have been blessed to have with such a wonderful company these past four years. I honestly have no desire to leave the company at any point in the near future. However, I have been faced with two very real concerns; not only have I been antsy and unsettled with my current role, ready for new challenges from what I have been doing, but this particular role I am in cannot be fulfilled outside of the Louisville office. The nature of the role requires that my team interact with various departments within the office which simply can't be done remotely. Between interviewing for several open positions in other departments and wondering where in the world we will be in just a few short months, my trust has been gradually decreasing as worry has made itself at home in my heart.
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Around the close of business this past Monday afternoon, I was faced with yet another rejection. I interviewed for a position a couple of weeks ago, one for which I was most eager, but was once again told "No. You're great and have strong qualities, but..." The words had become a familiar tune, but as I returned to my desk and prepared to leave for the day, I was filled with an unnatural peace. Sure I was disappointed, but I was genuinely fine with being told that I just wasn't the right fit for the job. I went home on Monday evening and told my husband, sharing with him my feelings of contentment and peace. He also reminded me that it was probably good that I was not selected considering that I would potentially have to resign in just a few short months if we move away following graduation. I woke up on Tuesday morning with a renewed sense of peace, eager to arrive at work and do my job well and with gratitude.
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Much to my surprise, I was called into another manager's office that Tuesday morning for a rather unanticipated discussion. A certain role at the company has come available, one for which the current woman in that position has put in her resignation. Her husband is a student minister, and she has been wanting for some time to be more involved in his ministry (I knew her briefly while her and her husband were still here in Louisville as he was finishing seminary). Without having posted the job opening, without formally interviewing me or any others for that matter, I was offered the job!! I was in such shock at what I was being offered that I didn't respond for a few seconds. After pulling myself together, I eagerly accepted and began the process of talking with my current managers and signing the official offer letter. Here is where it gets interesting, and why I wanted to laugh at how incredible and unexpected this was - The woman who is resigning from this position has been in the role for two years... from Florida. When her and her husband moved to Florida following graduation, her manager basically created the position for her to be able to perform her job functions from her home office. So, not only have the managers (both current and the ones I will be working under) known and agreed that I was ready for new challenges at work, but they specifically offered me the job knowing that I will likely be moving away in the near future! My closest friend at work and I laughed all day just at the wonderfully unexpected turn of events.
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Can I humbly be something to those of you reading this who may be struggling with trust in a very real and personal way? Can I be a living testimony of how the Lord provides even when we neither expect nor deserve such provision? I have not been trusting Him in recent months - I have not laid hold of and practically believed His unbreakable promises. He promises to provide, to sustain, to care, to uphold those who put their hope and trust in Him. We will not always, may not ever, fully see or understand what He is doing in our lives, but we can rest in knowing that He is doing something. He does not leave us to ultimately fend for ourselves when our hope is in Him. He is our only real hope! I have spent much of this week after the news of the job offer repenting and thinking upon the very promises He has given in Scripture. This job offer wasn't merely good news. The offer was an immediate punch in the gut as I came to the sudden realization of how much worry and doubt were taking the place of the very rich promises written on my heart. I needed this wakeup, this prompting of the Spirit to confess where I have not trusted and declare that I am wholly dependent on the Lord. I implore you, as a living testimony of such undeserved provision, to rest in His promise of provision and abundant life. He works in such unexpected and undeserved ways, even when we are so quick to doubt.

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"My Shepherd will supply my need, Jehovah is His Name

In pastures fresh He makes me feed, beside the living stream.

He brings my wandering spirit back when I forsake His ways,

And leads me, for His mercy's sake, in paths of truth and grace."

(Isaac Watts)

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You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You,

because he trusts in You.

Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.

~Isaiah 26:3-4~

The Beginning of the End

(Photo courtesy of sbts.edu)

The beginning of our last semester at Southern...can it be? Are we really nearing the end of such a significant season? My husband started classes today, and I will start on Thursday. Being the sentimental person I am, I wouldn't be surprised if there is are tears at random moments over the next four months as I take in all of the sights and sounds of this beautiful campus...

Amazing Quote on Husband's Headship

"The husband is the head of the wife just in so far as he is to her what Christ is to the Church. He is to love her as Christ loved the church—read on—and gave his life for her (Ephesians 5:25).
This headship, then, is most fully embodied not in the husband we should all wish to be but in him whose marriage is most like a crucifixion; whose wife receives most and gives least, is most unworthy of him, is—in her own mere nature—least lovable. For the church has no beauty but what the bridegroom gives her; he does not find, but makes her, lovely.

The chrism [anointing, consecration] of this terrible coronation is to be seen not in the joys of any man's marriage but in its sorrows, in the sickness and sufferings of a good wife or the faults of the bad one, in his unwearying (never paraded) care or his inexhaustible forgiveness: forgiveness, not acquiescence.

As Christ sees in the flawed, proud, fanatical or lukewarm Church on earth that bride who will one day be without spot or wrinkle, and labors to produce the latter, so the husband whose headship is Christ-like (and he is allowed no other sort) never despairs. He is a King Cophetua who after twenty years still hopes that the beggar-girl will one day learn to speak the truth and wash behind her ears."

~C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves, 105-106

(HT: Desiring God Blog)

A Hodge-Podge Update

After three weeks of suffering without, my dear laptop is back! Three support techs, more phone calls than we could count, and a trip to and from the Dell service center later, she's back and (seems to be) working fine. I think if we had waited any longer, we would have had to make another one of those dreaded calls to Dell...this being just a week before school starts and all. With the lack of the laptop came a slight lack of blogging, so this one is simply going to be a random rundown of little things that have been going on with us!

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First things first - HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DAD!!!!!! Yes, my parents' birthdays are only two days apart. My dad is known by many people and by many names: from Mark to Mr. Man to, of course, Dad. Everyone who knows my dad knows that he never ceases to put others first, he is perhaps one of the most compassionate men you will ever meet, and he has been the most supportive father a daughter could ever ask for. I am so thankful for him, and I have been encouraged by his enthusiasm in desiring to be closer to the Lord. He has such a servant's heart, and is someone whom we can all learn something from about both sacrifice and giving. I love you, Dad!!!

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The pictures below are from our puppysitting days in July:

That face will melt your heart! We had so much fun with Sammie here, and she reminded us of why we love border collies so much. Although still very much a puppy at just three months old, she caught on to our routine and direction so quickly. We also got quite a kick out of watching her pounce and walk all over Nali.

Our little ice princess, Maia, finally started to melt after the first week of having Sammie in the house. She went from complete avoidance to plopping down on the floor with her or playing a game of chase around the livingroom.
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Around the time that the laptop crashed, we went into a cleaning frenzy! I had anticipated this task being put off until November (at the earliest), but we suddenly got in the mood to start pulling things out of the closets and shelves one weekend. It was insane how much we pulled out, and I'm not certain that we're finished just yet!

What do you get when you marry someone with whom you have shared both undergraduate and seminary classes, all totaling about five years of school? We took three FULL boxes of books to a local Christian bookstore that buys used books, and we were pleasantly surprised by how much they gave us in return.
Then, it was on to the closets...oh, dear...



Farewell to my very last pair of plaid pants (I can hear certain friends and family laughing right now). Although they were by far the least loud of the plaid pants I have owned in my lifetime, it was still time for us to part ways. Readers, if you have seen my wardrobe at any point in the last fifteen years, this is significant! I sort of feel like I've actually entered the adult world now that my wardrobe is plaid-free!
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Speaking of being an adult, and being on this recent clean-up kick, I decided to get a new haircut as well. I basically told my stylist that I was tired of looking like an adult from the neck down, but feeling like a disheveled girl as far as my hair was concerned:




If you've stuck around for this long, I hope you have enjoyed what has definitely been a random hodge-podge of an update!

Happy "Double Nickel" Birthday!

Happy Birthday, Mom!

I wish we could be there to celebrate with you, but we'll be thinking about you even still. I hope you have a very relaxing and sweet birthday weekend, reflecting on all of the ways the Lord has so richly blessed you over the years! We have so many reasons to be thankful, there are so many good gifts He has given, and I hope you are mindful of such things on this your "double nickel" birthday!

All our love ~ B & J

Snapshots of the Storm

(Picture courtesy of Wave 3 News)

Louisville has made the national news three times in less than a year due to the weather! I realized that this morning has I was browsing the countless viewer photos posted on multiple news websites. The picture above was available on one of our local news sites, and depicts almost exactly what I saw from my 4th floor window at work around 8:00am yesterday morning.

I had to leave work early yesterday afternoon, and the two pictures I managed to take show how the sky looked in between the two major systems that came through. It was truly a fascinating sight to behold...


(Picture courtesy of WLKY 32 News)
The aftermath at Churchill Downs

(Picture courtesy of WLKY 32 News)
The biggest headline yesterday was the massive flooding that swept through the University of Louisville campus. The pictures taken of the library and parking lots and other facilities were unbelievable.
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The weather is so amazing at times. It often reminds me of how small we are, how we have no control over such events, and brings to mind the vast expanse of God's sovereignty over all things, even the greatest of storms.

Everything I Imagined?

A dear friend (who will remain nameless) posed a question to me a few weeks ago. Her email stayed in my inbox for days, which eventually turned into weeks, as I contemplated how best to respond. Her question was this: "has marriage turned out to be everything you thought it would be?" Hmm...now there's a question with a loaded answer (hence the reason this dear friend's email has been in my inbox for so long). It's a candid question from a single young woman, a woman with a heart of gold in the midst of a broken, self-gratifying world. I can understand and sympathize with her frustration at how our culture has so marred the beauty and sanctity of marriage. As believers, our view of marriage is so foreign to the rest of the world because at this great mystery's foundation is something which can never be provided by man in his own strength: the hope and grace made possible by the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Here is a brief glimpse at my personal history, the "everything I previously imagined" element of my response. Even as a young believer, as well-intentioned (and they really were well-intentioned in retrospect) as my hopes and dreams may have been, my view of relationships (especially marriage) was so skewed. I had this notion that the man whom the Lord brought into my life would fawn over me, cave to my every wish, and treat me as the "princess" I knew I should feel like. As sweet and fairytale as this sounds, when I really got down to the heart of my desires, I found them to be dripping with self-centered dreams of mere infatuation. Ironically enough, the only young man to ever have such feelings toward me didn't last long on my adolescent radar screen as I was simply disgusted by his gushy, ungrounded affections. (Sadly for him, it took me years to realize why I was so annoyed.) I had in mind the fairytale aspect of relationships, what I thought was the picture-perfect image of marriage... Little did I know that my outlook was riddled with gaping holes. Having what I thought was the perfect view of marriage never accounted for the reality of living with a fellow human being, a fellow sinner equally in need of daily grace.

My naive perspective was made apparent when I began dating my husband six years ago. I had demands and ideas of how this relationship was supposed to work, and I would get angry in instances when I realized he wasn't meeting my expectations. How dare he call me out on certain matters about which I am obviously wrong (knowing I was wrong but stubbornly fighting it still), and how dare he desire my good in a situation rather than simply being concerned with my feelings? My feelings were of prime importance, right?? Umm...no. And that is the truth that can be a crushing blow to women who have a self-serving view of how human relationships are intended to work. It is when we start insisting that our needs and feelings should come first that we are setting ourselves up for disaster, heartache, and in doing so are often sinning against the other person. If we are always insisting that our petty desires are of central importance, then that is the very place we are insisting we belong: at the center of the relationship.

All of that leads up to my answer when asked the question "has marriage turned out to be everything you thought it would be?" My answer is No. This is not what I imagined things looking like a year-and-a-half into marriage. On the contrary, this marriage covenant has proven gloriously better and more difficult than I could have ever imagined. When you commit to this great mystery of marriage (and a mystery it truly is!), you embark on a daily journey of living with another human being despite whatever struggles or events come your way. I am a better person because of my marriage to my husband, and that is of no credit to his strength or mine, but rather to the ways in which the Spirit has worked in and through him. We have had wonderful days, and we have had dark days, all of which we promised to face together. I am amazed more and more each day with how the Lord chooses to use my husband as such an instrument of grace, learning, and exposing me to my own sin. It is when both husband and wife acknowledge their desperate need of grace that they can live with one another in an understanding way and grow deeper in relationship with Christ.

How the Gospel is manifested in daily, practical ways is going to vary between couples. What the Lord deems as a means of grace in our relationship is probably going to look very different than His activity in the lives of others. That is a good thing, and should be of encouragement as we see evidence of how the Lord knows our unique, individual needs better than we do. This, too, is contrary to the world's view of relationships. In our sin nature, on both an individual and cultural scale, we are so often insistent that we know what is best for us. Is it any wonder that there is oftentimes such a negative view of Christian marriage in our culture? Frustrating and sad, yes, but not surprising. The very vows which are traditionally cited during a marriage ceremony are even counter to our culture's marred perspective. Everything about sin and how it taints our outlook is magnified within the context of marriage. If husband and wife are not grounded in Gospel truth, to what will they cling when faced with the spectrum of small disagreements to trials on a much larger scale?

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"It’s a wonderful, freeing thing to realize that the durability and quality of your marriage is not ultimately based on the strength of your commitment to your marriage. Rather it is based on something completely apart from your marriage: God’s truth. . . . Marriage was not just invented by God, it belongs to God…. Marriage is not first about me or my spouse. Obviously, the man and woman are essential, but they are also secondary. God is the most important person in a marriage. Marriage is for our good, but it is first for God’s glory." (D. Harvey, When Sinners Say 'I Do,' p. 23, 25)

"What do all of us do in our marriages in some way? We all tend to deny our sin (while pointing out the sin of the other). By denying our sin, we devalue grace. . . . in ways that are very practical, Jesus is the only solution. . . . grace makes new beginnings possible. It challenged me to live like I really believe I can be a tool of God's grace. . . . We must not ignore our sin, because it is the very context where the Gospel shines the brightest. Grace is truly amazing because of what we were saved from." (Harvey, p. 12, 16)

It's Not Just Political - It's Personal

I'm not a political blogger, nor do I pretend to be one. I am, however, a personal blogger. In between posting pictures and telling stories about family comes the occasional reflection upon implications and principles associated with political issues that hit close to home. I have learned over time that some of the very aspects of our country for which we should be most thankful are the very things that cause grave concern when threatened. Some of the very freedoms we have are the ones so often squandered...or they are the ones which our government tries to take from individuals and claim for themselves. Here's where the political becomes personal...
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Last Wednesday was spent away from work and in Cincinnati where my husband and I met with the team of doctors at the Tuberous Sclerosis Clinic. This is the leading clinic in the world for TS patients, and just so happens to be less than two hours from where we currently live. I visit the clinic every two years for an evaluation by the doctors, which also includes updates on current research in the field. My husband and I paid the $40 co-pay required by my insurance company, and by the time we left that afternoon, we had seen five different doctors. Not only were we able to meet with five different doctors, but I also had the opportunity to participate in one of their current research studies. We were not rushed, but instead I felt completely comfortable as a patient under their care. My husband and I were able to ask plenty of questions pertaining to tuberous sclerosis, questions regarding how it affects us now and in the future. There are many other aspects of our time at the TS Clinic I would like to elaborate on, so hopefully that can come in a later post. For now, though, I shift to another personal story...
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While watching Mike Huckabee's show on Fox News last night, my eyes brimmed with tears as I listened to one of his guests. This woman whom he invited to his show lives in Canada, and was invited to share her personal experience of dealing with the healthcare system in that country. She was diagnosed in her 20s with a rare condition involving her spinal cord, which required surgery for a spinal fusion. Not only did she have to wait for nine months to meet with a specialist, all the while being instructed to just stay on pain meds, but the surgery itself did not occur until two or three years after her original diagnosis. This young mother spent the better part of her late 20s addicted to morphine, using a walker, and unable to hold her own children. Her now 15-year-old son is being faced with the very same ordeal. While being told to continue taking medicine for the pain, he has yet to meet with a specialist. The mother has resolved to come to the U.S. in order to receive proper care and attention for this debilitating condition; the cost of travel is of more value than waiting. Along with this woman's personal testimony, there was also a doctor on Huckabee's program who currently practices in Canada. He is adamantly opposed to the healthcare system within which he works (a system he once fully supported), and is appalled by the stories of such individuals as this young woman who have to wait in a seemingly neverending line. His final word to Huckabee at the close of the segment, and really to any members of Congress who may listen, was this: "Slow down, read the bill, and be careful what you wish for."
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Make no mistake - our healthcare system needs serious reform. From bureacracy to caps on medical malpractice to the simple receipt of a hospital bill that makes sense, the system needs major help. However, this does not mean that the government has the right to sweep in and take from those who have worked hard for what they have accomplished. The projected tax increases that will be placed on the wealthy if a more universal healthcare system is put in place is appalling. This also does not mean that someone who has squandered the system, someone who has skated by knowing that the government will bail them out, should get a free pass. The line between those truly in need and those who have taken advantage of the system has become increasingly more muddled. Those who honestly need the assistance should be able to receive such help, and those who have actually earned the medical benefits they receive should not be penalized.
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As much as I may complain about insurance premiums going up every year, my circumstances could be so much worse. I waited for only ten minutes on Wednesday morning before being called back to see the first doctor. A citizen of the country just to our north was on a national news channel to voice her personal testimony as a warning to those who have it in their heads that a more universal, socialized system is the answer to the predicament. The current structure is certainly broken. Reform, not destruction, is what our healthcare system needs.

A Glorious Sight

How often the Lord rocks me out of my tired, self-centered mood. I woke up yesterday (Sunday) morning not feeling especially well, and I was not only hesitant in arriving at church to be around people, but I knew there was also an event planned for the afternoon after the morning worship service. After dragging my feet around the house, and making a stop at a nearby coffeeshop, my husband and I arrived at church late for worship practice. It didn't take long for my dreary mood to be shaken... Music has a way with me. Not only do I have this deep conviction that music moves others in a very unique way, but I also cannot begin to articulate how it moves me personally. The Spirit was so evident yesterday morning, and I cannot remember the last time I looked out on the congregation to behold individuals overwhelmed to the point of tears.

"This the power of the cross, Christ became sin for us

Took the blame, bore the wrath, we stand forgiven at the cross!"

We then took part in a very unique celebration yesterday afternoon. A young man who has been attending our church for some time now requested that our pastor baptize him in a local creek. Now Louisville is a true city, so if there was even a hint of rain, this would not take place and he would, instead, be baptized during yesterday morning's service. Lo and behold, not a drop of rain fell all weekend, and we left the church building to a warm and sunny sky. Amidst navigating the massive park where this creek was located, and the seemingly impossible parking, virtually the entire congregation showed up. We had been told this young man invited everyone he knew, from close friends and family to people he met in line at the grocery store, and what I saw as we approached the creek's bank was something to behold. Not only was the bulk of our little church body represented, but many were there whom I have never seen. Not only was a baptism witnessed yesterday afternoon, but it was also a beautiful time for this man's testimony to be shared, as well as for our pastor to elaborate on what the act of baptism truly represents. Although yesterday was sweltering, this baptism was a glorious sight to behold. I pray the hearts of those in attendance were pierced with the Gospel truth.

"Your blood has washed away my sin, Jesus thank You

The Father's wrath completely satisfied, Jesus thank You

Once Your enemy now seated at Your table, Jesus thank You"

Free Our Health Care Now

FREE OUR HEALTH CARE NOW PETITION

If you are thankful for the options we are given as citizens of this nation,

or for any other number of reasons...

Go to the link above and sign the "Free Our Health Care Now Petition."

Thoughts on Then, Now, and Whatever Lies Ahead

As a naïve and hopelessly romantic teenager, I was head over heels about a boy. This particular boy did care for me, valued me as a friend, but never took our friendship further. Although I knew deep down that we would never date, he set the standard for many years. At the time, it drove me absolutely batty that no other boys could measure up. If there was a potential dating relationship in the works, he was always there to challenge and bring to mind an obvious immaturity or other concern with my juvenile crush. I'm telling you, he made me want to spit nails at times...the very one I would never date was the one continually raising the bar. One day in my early college years, we were eating lunch somewhere and he started asking questions about the kind of man I wanted to marry someday (the nerve, right?). With my blood pressure rapidly increasing, I mentioned that I had hopes of someday marrying a man who is called into vocational ministry. He responded almost defensively, asking why the person would have to be called to ministry, and I simply replied that he did not necessarily have to fit into a some mold. I just knew my heart, and knew that it would be a sweet blessing and gift from the Lord if He was to unite my heart with someone who shared the same deep convictions I had for ministry. The remainder of the conversation was quite awkward, and I remember that day being a significant turning point when I began cutting the emotional strings that had been tied to this boy for so long. While thankful for the significant imprint he made on my life, I knew it was time to move forward.
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Now, many years after that lunch conversation, I am pondering the very humbling reality that my husband and I are just a few short months away from completing our seminary degrees and moving on to whatever lies ahead. I did always dream of marrying someone with a deep passion for ministry, and never in a million years would I have imagined the Lord going above and beyond as He has done. The man whom I am blessed to call my husband has an intoxicating love for the Lord and His people, and that yearning to shepherd His flock is always present. So what happens when that which you have only ever dreamed of is suddenly coming into view? I know myself well enough to know that I could easily go into panic mode thinking of all the implications that come with being a pastor's wife in a local church. Thinking of "life in a fishbowl" is enough to make me lose sleep at night if I'm not trusting in the One who has called us to such a life as this. If I am not confident in where my true identity is found, then I will lack such confidence when faced with inevitable trials and criticism. If I am not trusting in Him and the ways in which He has so specifically and undeservedly gifted both my husband and I, then I will be prone to doubt and questioning His plan. With all of this in mind, I eagerly (though very timidly on some days) brace myself for whatever He has in store for the months ahead.
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Even now, as we are so close to wrapping up this season and wondering what comes next, I am mindful of those things which are of utmost importance when it comes to being a pastor's wife. These things should apply to any wife seeking to live in an honoring and understanding way with her husband, but they are especially crucial when one thinks of the whole "fishbowl" scenario. What are these things to which I am referring?

1) Watch out for him. You know him better than anyone and have his best interests in mind. If he is overworking himself, lovingly bring it to his attention. Try to find ways to lighten the load. Occasionally, there are seasons where there is no way around the busyness at church. During those times...be the place where he can relax.
2) Give your husband helpful and honest feedback. Take it seriously... Take time to think through your opinions carefully to be sure they are wise and accurate.
3) Stand with him when times are tough. Even when you disagree with him, respect him, both publicly and privately. Pray that God will give him wisdom in making decisions. Do not forget the seriousness of his calling. He is bringing the gospel to the church each week.

Much thanks to the newly-discovered True Woman blog for posting these helpful items for consideration. I am very much aware of the very great responsibility and privilege that comes with my husband's calling, and I want to be encouraging him in whatever ways I can even now. Little did that immature teenager a decade ago know what the Lord had in store, and I can look back and see how He was preparing my heart then for how I am to love and serve my husband today.

Still a puppy at heart

Meet Cousin Sam!

If you can't get your own adorable, huggable, snuggable new puppy, then just convince one of your closest friends to get one so that you can live vicariously through him! Our friend Brian has been patiently waiting and looking for just the right puppy for quite some time now. He has always loved coming to our place to play with Nali and Maia, and they absolutely adore their "uncle." In case you missed this post, I was beside myself when he called to tell us that he was getting one of the Border Collie puppies.

We accompanied him for the drive down to Elizabethtown to pick her up, and our hearts just melted as soon as we saw and interacted with her. The rest of the afternoon was spent taking her to the vet, then to the pet store for goodies, and then dropping them off at Brian's place. He reminded me of how I was the day we brought Nali home - this daze of disbelief that he is now fully responsible for this little brown-eyed puppy, and completely happy with the decision he made. He has named her Samantha ("Sam"), and we have already gotten to puppysit her once since Saturday. My big girl, Nali, was the most wonderful puppy I could have asked for, and I hope and already anticipate that Brian is going to have the same experience with little Sam!

Reflecting on the Weekend

Some scenes from my mom's lakehouse:

Some scenes from my grandfather's farm:

My mom and I:

Me and my classy grandfather:

My big brother and I:

To be perfectly honest, I have been overwhelmed by the inquiries from friends since my return on Tuesday. I mean, I knew close friends were aware of my trip to Texas and why I was going, but I guess I was oblivious to just how many were mindful and prayed fervently while I was there. My heart is filled with thankfulness when I think of those whom I know have interceded for so long now...

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After spending a couple of days resting and processing the events of my trip, I can say that my time with family was truly good. I enjoyed the brief time I had with my mom, grandfather, and brother, and I felt as if this visit was different than any other for a number of reasons. For one thing, I felt completely different going down as a married woman. The Lord has been at work in my heart, and I think a new level of communication and honesty was reached. I was thrown off guard initially at just how open and honest I was able to be with them, and by such openness being returned. I am thankful for the sweet time spent with my mom and for how the Lord has graced me with the ability to encourage her in ways I would have never anticipated.

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The climax of the trip occurred on Monday night when my brother and I sat talking over tea in my grandfather's kitchen for almost four hours. I cannot recall a time when we were able to have such an open conversation, largely due to how clear-minded he is after the events of the past two months. We were able to dialogue about his personal struggles, what the real problems might be, his expectations of what lies ahead for the next two years, and ultimately what he believes about God's work in the world and through Christ. There was so much to unpack with him considering we have never had such a conversation, so I had to spend time processing and discerning whether or not the hours were fruitful. After much reflection, I do feel that we made good headway. I feel that I was able to learn more about him, rather than listening to hearsay from others, and that I can continue conversing openly with him about these issues. The night ended with me giving him a paperback copy of the ESV Bible, and a little booklet from Desiring God entitled "For Your Joy." I initially hesitated to give him the booklet, but after our conversation, I felt it appropriate to give him this concise resource which deals with questions about God's character and this fallen world in which we live.

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During the flight home on Tuesday, I began trying to process all of the time and conversations shared. One of my biggest struggles in recent years has been dealing with myself and the lack of confidence I had around my family during adolescence. My prayer concern regarding idle time was directly related to this struggle. I have often beaten myself up over years that just felt wasted. The Lord is so good, and not only did He show me that the time was not wasted, but reminded me of the simple truth that He is strong where we are weak. His Spirit was so evident and sweet during my visit, and I teared up while listening to a familiar song on the flight home:

I am small and I speak when I'm spoken to

But I am willing to risk it all

I say Your name, just Your name and I'm ready to jump

Even ready to fall...

Why did I take this vow of compromise?

Why did I try to keep it all inside?

So long status quo, I think I just let go

You make me want to be brave

The way it always was is no longer good enough

You make me want to be brave

(N. Nordeman)

~

As mentioned already, I am overwhelmed with thanks for those whom I know have been faithfully praying. Please continue! No one knows what lies ahead in the next couple of years, but we can be thankful for what the Lord has done thus far, and trust that He is faithful to complete the work He began!

Time for Prayer and Preparation

"None are so lost whom God is not powerful to save."

My husband and I prayed together last night, and the quote above is something he said that was so profound and declares the truth I cling to in preparation for the coming weekend. I can hardly believe that only days remain now before I travel to visit family and hopefully come face-to-face with my brother. For those of you who read my blog frequently, I am going to take this week as a break from the blogosphere. While I am away, there are some aspects of this fast-approaching trip for which you can be praying:

• "Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant..." (2 Corinthians 3:4-6) - I ultimately have nothing to fear if the Lord ordains that I am able to talk with my brother. The wisdom and power for the Gospel to be effectively communicated are not things I can conjure up from within myself. I ultimately have nothing to offer but the hope of the Gospel. Pray that I will continually be mindful of my utter weakness, and the Lord's redeeming power and grace of which I am an undeserved recipient and witness.
• My brother was very angry when he found out that I am coming down to see him. He still sees me as his kid sister whom he is trying to hide himself from, ashamed and embarrassed of who he is. Oh, that this would be an opportunity for me to show unanticipated compassion and grace toward him, speaking the truth boldly while also pointing out the reality that he has much more to be concerned with than my opinion of him.
• Pray for the brokenness in my family. Pray that the fog of guilt, resentment, wrongs committed, and mistakes made might be swept aside. My hope is that my time there will not feel idle, but truly fruitful. May the Lord give me clarity in speaking the truth to those in my family who have tended to place me on a moral pedestal, and instead may they see Christ's redemptive and transforming work.

Song for Sunday - How Sweet the Name

How Sweet the Name of Jesus Sounds

~

1. How sweet the Name of Jesus sounds

In a believer's ear!

It soothes his sorrow, heals his wounds,

And drives away his fear.
2. It makes the wounded spirit whole,

And calms the troubled breast;

'Tis manna to the hungry soul,

And to the weary, rest.
3. Dear Name, the rock on which I build,

My shield and hiding place,

My never failing treasury, filled

With boundless stores of grace!
4. By Thee, my prayers acceptance gain,

Although with sin defiled;

Satan accuses me in vain,

And I am owned a child.
5. Jesus, my Shepherd, Brother, Friend,

My Prophet, Priest, and King,

My Lord, my life, my way, my end,

Accept the praise I bring.
6. Weak is the effort of my heart,

And cold my warmest thought;

But when I see Thee as Thou art,

I'll praise Thee as I ought.
7. 'Til then I would Thy love proclaim

With every fleeting breath,

And may the music of Thy name

Refresh my soul in death.

Favorite Photo(s) Friday?

Have you ever come across pictures of yourself saved on a computer at work that you never even knew existed?

Oh softy that I am...

This is seriously killing me... I walked into work this morning, and as usual went to the kitchen to put my food in the fridge. Right there in front of my face on the door was an ad - "Border Collie Puppies for Sale - $175." My jaw dropped, and I marched straight to the desk of the woman responsible for such personal torture and said, "You know you're killing me, right?" and she smiled and handed a copy of the ad to me. With an evil little sparkle in her eye she told me to be sure and show it to my husband.

For those of you who don't me, there are a few factors that play into this morning of such angst:

1) I am a hopeless softy when it comes to puppies, particularly when it comes to Shelties, Collies, Border Collies, and others that fall into the herding group category. There is a reason my husband served as my escort back in college when I was looking for my very first puppy. He was the voice of reason in my head, and thankfully so since I really did find the perfect puppy, my beloved Nali Collie.

2) My husband and I really do love Border Collies. He had one growing up whose name was Bruce, and my family had Furrball until I was in late elementary school. Nali is the closest we have come since she is Collie/Border Collie mix, and we have always said that we are going to get a Border Collie when we are some place more permanent. Hence, now is clearly not the time...

3) The fact that the puppies are full Border Collie and just $175 are causing all rationale to escape my brain.

So, with tears in the corners of my eyes, I have been reading my husband's text messages reminding me of all the many reasons why we truly cannot get a third dog right now. We live in an apartment complex, there are added expenses to consider at a time when we are trying to simply survive these last few months of seminary, and the list goes on. I am only half-joking when I say this is really killing me, and I really hope my husband's able to focus on his class at school this morning after me sending him word of these precious pups...

"The Shocking Thing About Christian Marriage"

Have you ever attended a wedding ceremony, and for a moment felt as if you were tasting and seeing a brief glimpse of heaven? I remember it so clearly at my own wedding - the experience of walking down the aisle with my groom in view, clothed in my white, spotless gown, and taking exceeding comfort in knowing that my husband chose me in spite of all my mistakes and impurities. For that moment in time, we beheld a picture of Christ calling His Bride to Himself.
~
A similar picture was seen this past weekend at the wedding celebration of a dear friend. My sweet friend Anna, whom I met at our previous church as well as at seminary, joined with her husband in marriage on Saturday afternoon, and it truly was a joyous celebration. Anna is one of those rare individuals with whom you come in contact with and are immediately struck by her unashamed and infectious joy. She waited patiently for the Lord's timing in bringing her husband into her life, and He blessed her faithfulness abundantly above all she could have imagined as He does with all who trust in His sovereign plan! The buzz of anticipation filled the sanctuary as we entered and found our seats amongst the other excited guests. Then...the moment came... As the musicians began playing the familiar hymn "Great is Thy Faithfulness," Anna entered the room with her father singing along with the music. Unable to contain such overwhelming joy, all who were there spontaneously joined the bride and groom in singing praise to the Father for such a glorious union and celebration. My eyes welled up at such a beautiful picture.
~
One of the main elements that my husband and I miss the most from our previous church is the preaching pastor. We were torn with the thought of parting with such a powerful, sensitive, effective, humble proclaimer of the Truth. He is perhaps one of the best preachers either of us has ever encountered, and we were reminded of why during this ceremony. As is his custom, he prepared a sermon for the occasion, this one entitled "The Shocking Thing About Christian Marriage." He prefaced the one thing by laying out for the congregation what the shocking thing is not. The shocking thing about Christian marriage is not that wives are to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord, although that has historically been a radical concept in almost every culture one encounters. In almost every culture, women are either hungry for independence, or they are subject to a society of oppression. The other thing that is not the shocking thing about Christian marriage is that husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her. How much easier would it have been if Scripture simply instructed men to lead their wives, rather than throwing in the seemingly impossible task of loving in a sacrificial manner? With that said, if the shocking reality of marriage is not what we are instructed to do as husbands and wives in Paul's letter to the Ephesians, what is the shocking thing? Here it is:

"And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in
which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince
of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of
disobedience--among whom we all once lived in the passions of
our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath like the rest of mankind. . . (Ephesians 2:1-3)

~~

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave
himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or
wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish." (Ephesians 5:25-27)

Ponder that for a moment... Every single one of us, by nature, deep within, at the very core of our being, at some point were dead. But God in His infinite mercy, for those whom He chose before time began, sent Christ for our salvation and so that He might call us His Bride. When that reality takes hold of you, when He has pulled you from the pit and called you spotless and undefiled, submission and sacrificial love won't seem so shocking. One also has to wonder if, amongst those couples who struggle with such issues, there is a deeper connection with having lost sight of the fundamental, shocking reality of what God has done for us in Christ. He actually orchestrated marriage in such a way that we who were dead are intended to reflect the very relationship His Son has with the Church!
~
For this reason, I found it particularly fitting that all present at this joyous wedding ceremony on Saturday were invited to join together in singing,

There is a fountain filled with blood, drawn from Emmanuel's veins;
And sinners plunged beneath that flood, lose all their guilty stains...
The dying thief rejoiced to see that fountain in his day;
And there may I, though vile as he, wash all my sins away...
Dear dying Lamb, thy precious blood shall never lose its power;
Till all the ransomed church of God be saved to sin no more...
E'er since, by faith, I saw the stream thy flowing wounds supply;
Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be till I die...

"Welcome Home" Courtesy of Maia the Moosician