110 Days ~ Trials Together

If this post comes across as a somewhat scattered compilation of thoughts, then I will have successfully given my faithful readers a glimpse of how things have been going this past week. Most days are spent in tension between wondering if I should laugh or cry, and having an indescribable sense of sheer excitement or moments of silent wonder at how the Lord brings about trials. I don't know that I could adequately explain how those emotions all work together, but they are somehow doing that in me even now.

• Be still, and know that I am God... -Psalm 46:10

This past week began with rough, honestly unbelievable, news coming from all directions. My mother-in-law received test results that only showed other cancerous (or the potential) spots. She began chemotherapy on Friday and will do so on that day of the week until October. Once her two twelve-week rounds of chemo are completed, they will then perform surgery. Radiation will inevitably follow, which means that she will, once again, be away from the comfort of her own home since both surgery and radiation will take place at the hospital in Houston. She had just returned home from an entire summer spent taking care of her own mother when the lumps were discovered, and about the time she was getting settled, she found herself going back and forth once again. Paired with this came news of our pastor's wife. At thirty six weeks pregnant with her fourth child, she too has been diagnosed with breast cancer. The doctor confirmed that the cancer is aggressive, which means they will be inducing the baby earlier than the due date (this week). She will only have a week of rest before they begin the necessary steps to treatment.

• Sometimes the way is lonely, and steep and filled with pain ~ so if your sky is dark and pours the rain ~ then cry to Jesus, cry to Jesus cry to Jesus and live -Chris Rice

I finally broke down this week (and not just once) at how completely overwhelming all of this was. The only way I can describe it is that there was this tension between grieving the pain of such news and continuing in excitement over planning my own wedding. Questions flooded my mind all week as to how I should and should not respond or feel about all of this. Everything came to a head on Friday night when my fiance' sat me down and let me cry for quite some time. He then held my face, looked into my eyes and said, "No matter what happens, the Lord is good." How often has joy been restored by one simple statement? Such does not happen with me often. In fact, I'm one who often needs to be poked and prodded when I'm down in order to pull me back up. But this time, it took one simple statement which I knew was an encouraging word from the Lord. He truly is good, and He is faithful to hold us during the dark times. The professor teaching our marriage class provided us an incredible statement to reflect upon early in the semester: "Trials are better when faced together." Little did I know at the time just how real such a statement would become in a matter of days and hours. Think about this for a moment - our lives are not what we thought they would be this time last week. My life is not what I was expecting it to be a matter of days ago, much less last week. The Lord knows exactly what we need. He knows exactly where to pierce us, the very things that will move us to fall at His feet. He knows such things because He knows us better than we know ourselves. This is astonishing, should leave us utterly humbled and speechless, and I don't know that we pause often enough to reflect on such truth.

• How would I know the morning If I knew not midnight? - Nichole Nordeman

There are things I am oblivious to at this point in my life, things the Lord is working in that remain unknown. But what I do know is that which I have already stated and have been praying continually for those around me who are hurting in ways I could not begin to imagine - The Lord is good and does all things for our good and ultimately for His own glory. All things work together for good and the trials truly are better when faced together. Not easier by any means, but I am learning in ways I clearly was not expecting that we are called to walk through this valley together and not alone.

Brother, let me be your servant

Let me be as Christ to you

Pray that I may have the grace

To let you be my servant, too

I will hold the Christlight for you

In the night-time of your fear

I will hold my hand out to you

Speak the peace you long to hear

I will weep when you are weeping

When you laugh I'll laugh with you

I will share your joy and sorrow

Till we've seen this journey through