Exhale...

Oh, what a week... It took all my strength some mornings to sort of slide off the side of the bed - not even sit up and place my feet on the ground - but pretty much just fall out. My job is incredibly demanding right now with the constant addition of new clients for which I am responsible. New clients are great for our company, wonderful especially during this stressful time regarding our economy, but it means that my work has quadrupled over the past few months. And this week was particularly trying...

For one thing, I really enjoy my team. Our little team, holed up in the windowless room - once a storage closet, then a conference room, now our "woodshed" as we affectionately refer to it - works really well together, and we really cannot complain about our dynamic and the way in which we get to interact with the rest of the company. We were half-joking and half-serious this week in our conversations about how we hardly ever talk to one another anymore because of the overwhelming amount of responsibility on each of our shoulders. We were downright loopy this afternoon as the workday approached its end.

I was driving home from work on Wednesday night, after dark and after forcing myself away from the desk at 6:15pm when I began thinking about why I was so exhausted and the feeling that it's not going away anytime soon. My mind trailed off and I began thinking about the people with whom I work. I started thinking about what people to do get their minds off of work, the things people do in order to not take their work home with them. What do people do in order to escape the stress, the monotony, the expectations and demands which surround them daily? Groups go out for a drink, women try to escape at a spa or with some other kind of pampering, people get sucked into hours in front of the TV or computer...the list goes on and on. As soon as I got home on Wednesday, I soaked in a hot bath as I continued thinking on these things. I don't drink, I don't pamper myself, I try not to waste too many hours in front of the TV, so what is it that I do personally? Well, subtlety often proclaims the obvious in my book... My way of trying to get my mind off stress is to take a long bath, drink some hot tea, get into my pajamas within an hour of getting home (all signs that I am my mother's daughter). But those aren't the things that had me thinking a couple of nights ago because there are other behaviors in which I engage that loudly proclaim that I am tired and stressed: I don't want to cook, I don't want to do the dishes, I don't want to do anything that requires work...are we seeing a trend here?

For one thing, I live with another person now - my husband. I don't get to hide away in my self-centered pity and "leave me alone" attitude anymore. In short, I no longer escape as easily as I was once able. Someone is there to see the real me, to really talk with and encourage me in the things driving me to mental exhaustion, and that someone is far more important than I am.

Not only do I have my husband to encourage me, but it goes even a step further as I am reminded just about everyday, just about everytime I walk in the door, of the overwhelming blessings in my life. I don't escape the stress like some in my workplace do, so what is it then that I do when faced with pressure and sheer exhaustion from the workload? Is my ultimate satisfaction in treating myself to a relaxing bath or hot tea? When those acts are over and done with, reality will still be there, tomorrow is another day, and the stress will still be there.

With that said, as stressful as this week has been, the end has been much better than the beginning. After my time of reflection and honest confession on Wednesday, yesterday and today were markedly different. My workload has not changed one bit; we still have a ridiculous amount of work piling up. However, I have been able to come home, exhale, and just be thankful. I can come home and completely enjoy my husband and my home, leaving work in its place rather than letting it affect everything else. I can exhale knowing that my life is not defined by work, by how many people I please, by how much I excel. I have learned more than ever before that the Lord does not delight in the strength of man! He delights in those who humbly and honestly admit weakness, and run to Him with all of our burdens. Goodness...praise Him that He is so good and so near when we are weary...

Satisfied

All my life long, I have panted
For a drink from some cool spring,
That I hoped would quench the burning
Of the thirst I felt within.
~
Feeding on the filth around me,
Till my strength was almost gone,
Longed my soul for something better,
Only still to hunger on.
~
Poor I was, and sought for riches,
Something that would satisfy,
But the dust I gathered round me
Only mocked my soul's sad cry.
~
Well of water, ever springing,
Bread of life so rich and free,
Untold wealth that never faileth,
My Redeemer is to me.
~
(Chorus) Hallelujah! He has found me
The One my soul so long has craved!
Jesus satisfies all my longings
Through His blood I now am saved.

~

(Endnote - Thanks to these two sweet friends for posting their own thoughts on those things for which they are so thankful. Your posts were so encouraging and partly responsible for compelling me to write tonight)