Looking Back, Looking Forward on This Our First Anniversary

"I have come with one purpose to capture for myself a bride

By my life she is lovely, by my death she's justified..."

~

I woke up this morning in almost complete disbelief that an entire year has passed since we exchanged our vows. As I was getting out of bed, as I was sharing the breakfast with my husband that he so sweetly prepared, as we were opening the Precious Moments gift from his parents, and on my drive to work, my mind has been flooded with memories. Memories from that life-changing day and memories from this past year... Was I anticipating a marriage filled with laughter, tears, growth, and happiness? Absolutely. Did I I anticipate that it was going to be THIS overwhelmingly good? Not at all.

~

There is a singular reason why we chose Steven Curtis Chapman's "What I Really Want To Say" as the song for our first dance as husband and wife - my husband so often leaves me completely speechless. And not because of anything he has done in his own strength, but because of how much the Lord has done in and through him to impact my life. Anyone who knows me knows that I enjoy writing, reading, anything that has to do with communicating via the written word, but when it comes to my husband, I often struggle to narrow all of my thoughts and feelings into something clear and concise. For this reason, Chapman's words resound deep within:

What I really want to say is what the sun would say to the sky

For giving it a place to come alive

But my words get in the way of what I really want to say

~

When I say that my husband is truly perfect for me that's not a statement made from some idealistic perspective on life. When I say that my husband is truly perfect for me, I make such a statement within the frame of the Lord's ordaining of all events. In the hand of a sovereign God there is no "what might have been." My husband was ordained for me, and I for him, for the greater purpose of drawing us into deeper relationship with His Son. He saw fit for us to complement one another, living each day together with the hope and aim of bringing glory to His magnificent name. What an amazing God we serve, and He's not good because of the gifts He gives. He is good because He is the sovereign God, and only by His mercy and grace are we so fortunate to receive such undeserved blessing...

~

I still remember seemingly insignificant details of our wedding day, including some of the day before as we prepared for the ceremony. I remember the sheer relief that flooded my body as two of my dearest of friends arrived at my aunt's doorstep with Schlotsky's in their hands. I remember arriving at the hotel Friday evening only to find that our names weren't on the list, and then to have my friends calm me before I had a complete nervous breakdown. I remember my best friend making me take a Tylenol PM at 10:30pm on the dot to ensure that I had a full night's sleep. I remember McD's breakfast the next morning, and going to the beauty salon to the same stylist with the same friends I went with for senior prom (heehee). I remember my best friend taking my cell phone and informing me that I was not allowed to answer it for the rest of the day. I remember us requesting that my dad bring snacks for us to the church and him bringing a feast instead. I remember my friend Sarah ghetto-rigging a bustle on my dress with a single safety pin. I remember my face hurting from all of the smiling in pictures. I remember standing outside the doors of the sanctuary with tears streaming down my face as I heard the musicians begin "Wonderful Merciful Savior." I remember not being in a rush walking down the aisle as I took in the sound of "Amazing Grace" filling the sanctuary while not taking my eyes off of my groom's face. I remember the vows, and particularly choking up when we promised to be together in sickness and in health. I remember us walking down the aisle and hugging for what seemed like an eternity in the foyer. These are just a few of the highlights; there are countless, vivid sights and sounds from that wonderful day.

~

As I think of how far we have come, I can't help but simultaneously think of whatever might still be in store. I anticipate the coming years with great excitement as I wonder how the Lord is going to continue moving and working in us as we continue on this journey together. So much of what has changed in me, changes for the better, are direct results of how the Lord has used my husband in my life. No other person seeks my good, the good that comes from seeking and knowing Christ more, more than my husband. No other person challenges and teaches me more than my husband, and no other person is more patient with me in my weaknesses and shortcomings. I have much to be grateful for as I fully acknowledge that I have done nothing to deserve this man.

~

So here's to wishing my groom a happy first anniversary! I am beyond blessed to be called your wife, and I look forward to whatever is in store for us with eager anticipation. From my heart to yours, I love you~