Saturday, January 08, 2011

Three Years In

"'I do' are the two most famous last words, the beginning of the end
But to lose your life for another I've heard is a good place to begin
'Cause the only way to find your life is to lay your own life down
And I believe it's an easy price for the life that we have found
And we're dancing in the minefields
We're sailing in the storm
This is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for
So when I lose my way, find me
When I loose love's chains, bind me
At the end of all my faith, till the end of all my days
When I forget my name, remind me
'Cause we bear the light of the Son of Man, so there's nothing left to fear
So I'll walk with you in the shadowlands 'til the shadows disappear
'Cause he promised not to leave us and his promises are true
So in the face of all this chaos, baby, I can dance with you
Let's going dancing in the minefields
Let's going sailing in the storm
This is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for"
(from Andrew Peterson's "Dancing in the Minefields")
Our wedding anniversary falls just after everyone is ringing in the New Year, January 5th, and for that I am glad. I'm glad because the two celebrations lend themselves to much time spent reflecting on our how our marriage has been over the course of the previous year: where we've been, where we are, and where we desire to be as the journey continues on. This year is no exception as we've found ourselves having long conversations into the wee hours of the night, both reminiscing on good memories and also doing the hard work of examining our own hearts. Where I'm certain our culture - and really the whole of this fallen world apart from our Savior's redeeming work - has things wrong is centered around this truth: entering into marriage means entering into something that isn't about you. How much of what we do - the contexts we place ourselves in, the people we choose to surround ourselves with, etc. - is about what fills our selfish wants? How much of what we do and want and think has our own self-promotion (acceptance, pleasing others) or self-preservation (security, removal from the potential of people finding out who you really are) as the end goal? The mind-boggling, counter-cultural reality of Christian marriage is that you're making a promise to put another human being above your own wants and needs, all the while seeking your ultimate satisfaction together and individually in Christ alone. Embracing that and running hard after Christ together involves much heart work, the kind I would so often prefer to avoid, and many of those late-night talks. And they're all worth it. Those talks are worth lack of sleep, worth realizing that you don't have it all figured out, worth acknowledging that you were wrong and are in constant need of grace.
In the note I left for him on Wednesday morning, I thanked my husband for saying "I do" on that day three years ago and for saying it everyday since then. He has loved me and led me in ways I could not have hoped for, and in ways I would have never imagined were for my good. Thank you, my husband - my groom, for leading and loving me well. You love me as I am, yet continually challenge me to press into Christ all the more. Thank you for the journey thus far, and for leading me in the dance even when I stumble ~ All my love ~