Wednesday, January 18, 2006


I occasionally remember the days of living in Abilene with my roommates...on lazy days the three of us (or at least the two of us that shared a wall) would sprawl on my bed and listen to music all afternoon and night. Or if there was a particular song we liked, we'd listen to it over and over and over again (especially the roommate I didn't share the wall with). But I look back on those days at times and think of where the Lord has brought me and how even then He was preparing me for now. And now He's preparing for whatever lies ahead, circumstances only He knows which have been ordained since before the world came into being.

There was a particular song we listened to many, many times not long before I entered my senior year of college. It crossed my mind about two days ago out of the blue, and I haven't been able to get it out of my head. The song is by Jars of Clay, and it's been on my heart in the midst of the dark times a dear friend if mine is going through right now. Even now, thinking about the lyrics and thinking of what he's going through, I'm almost moved to tears sitting here at my work desk.

"You have led me to the sadness
I have carried this pain
On a back bruised, nearly broken
I’m crying out to you
(Chorus)I will sing of Your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy
When death like a gypsy
Comes to steal what I love
I will still look to the heavens
I will still seek your face
But I fear you aren’t listening
Because there are no words
Just the stillness and the hunger
For a faith that assures
Alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia
While we wait for rescue
With our eyes tightly shut
Face to the ground using our hands
To cover the fatal cut
And though the pain is an ocean
Tossing us around, around, around
You have calmed greater waters
Higher mountains have come down
Alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia"

I can't fix the problem. I can't say the right words or snap my fingers for everyone to live happily ever after. But one thing I know---there is One who holds the future; there is One who knows our very thoughts, whose Spirit leads in truth...and He is the Father who loves and causes all things to work together according to His perfect will. I've not quickly held to such truth in recent days (weeks)...but that by no means makes it less true. It's painful to watch a brother going through such agony, and in that pain there is only One to whom I can cling.

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