Before I forget, I simply wanted to ask for prayer, particularly for tomorrow. Tomorrow is my 3-month followup appointment with the doctor here in Louisville. This is the doctor who performed the surgery to remove a tumor from my mouth this past summer. I've known for a long time that this appointment was approaching, but really didn't think much of it nor was I concerned. I had full confidence that I would hear from the TS doctor in Cincinnati in plenty of time to tell me that the tumor is related and that I don't have anything to be concerned about. Once I heard this news from him, I knew that I could at least rest easy that there was a connection, and that this connection would reduce the chances of this tumor being malignant. Well, weeks turned into a couple of months and I never heard from him.
About a week ago, I finally called the TS Clinic in Cincinnati and spoke with the nurse. There had simply been some miscommunication on both our parts, and she thought they had already gotten back to me with their lab results. My stomach did a little flip as she told me what I wasn't exactly hoping to hear. After running a second round of tests on the tumor, the pathologist at the TS Clinic confirmed that not only was the first diagnosis from the doctor here in Louisville correct, but that the tumor is not linked to Tuberous Sclerosis after all. Again, not the news I was hoping to receive...
So I'm going tomorrow for my followup appointment with the doctor here. Just two weeks ago I didn't think I would be going in having something checked that was, in fact, cancerous. Although the doctors assured me it was rare and minor, that they weren't terribly concerned at the present time, that word still tends to have a haunting effect. I'm faced with questions I never thought I would be asking myself - is this really as isolated as they are saying it is? will something begin to spread without my even knowing until a certain point? what, if anything, should I be keeping an eye on?
I've learned in my short, yet eventful, medical history that questions can make you crazy. It's no wonder some individuals have the ability of making themselves stress to the point of being sick, losing sleep at night, and having such deep, psychological fears. I know what my own tendencies are when it comes to snowballing with questions and fearful thoughts, but I also know that I'm not captive to those fears. I can rest tonight knowing that the Lord holds my tomorrow and knows the very breaths I take before they occur. Rather than focusing on the unknown, there is such hope and comfort in dwelling on what I do know.
"For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ." ~2 Corinthians 10:4-5
"My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food,
and my mouth will praise You with joyful lips,
when I remember You upon my bed,
and meditate on You in the watches of the night;
for You have been my Help,
and in the shadow of Your wings I will sing for joy.
My soul clings to You;
Your right hand upholds me." ~Psalm 63:5-8
"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you." ~Philippians 4:4-9