Friday, November 09, 2007

57 Days ~ Reflections in the Night Hours

I just returned home from a sweet
evening at my friend Eryn's house. She was so thoughtful in throwing my shower
this evening, and I was truly touched by the ladies who came. We spent the
evening simply talking and enjoying coffee and dessert, along with the opening
of my presents (nope, no pictures on the blog of these!). What moved me most,
however, was the time they spent praying at the end of the evening. If I had a
more broad thesaurus I would definitely use a word other than overwhelming for all of the thoughts and emotions flooding my mind
right now. But seeing as it is the only word that comes to mind, well then overwhelming will have to do!

Last week is best described as having
been in a dream state. I spent last Saturday in my wedding dress outdoors at one
of the most beautiful parks with what was perhaps the most perfect weather one
could ask for. I was in utter disbelief when I finally got to see the pictures,
disbelief that I was actually taking pictures in my own wedding dress... I
remember the wonderful times past in which those dear to me experienced their
own dreams coming to life:
holding her daughter in her arms for the very first time after years of earnest
prayer and many tears, going to visit
Funderstorm and
her newborn daughter in the hospital after months and months of anticipation,
and the many close,
forever friends who have experienced the glorious coming together in marriage that
I am entering into. The dream is slowly but surely unwrapping a layer at a time
as I attend showers, prepare wedding invitations, and think about those things
which pertain to the home I will soon be making with my husband.

As I have read through such books as When Sinners Say "I Do" these past couple of months, there have been
nights when I have wondered if I am really ready. After all these
years, years of watching other friends get married and begin their own families,
I have moments when I wonder if I am ready to give myself fully to another...
The answer is a confident yes, one completely dependent on the grace
and mercy of the Lord, that brings me to tears at the wonder and awe of such
commitment. The Lord actually saw fit for marriage to reflect Christ's
sacrificial relationship to the Church. So when my fiance', soon-to-be husband,
holds my face in his hands and says, "I am for your good. You now come first
above and beyond anything this world can promise or provide. You have my heart,
and we are now in this together," I can wholeheartedly believe him and trust in
his care. He really is for my good. My sinful nature is still at odds with this
undeserved reality, as I am prone to hold onto selfish notions for dear life,
even when I may not be fully aware that I am doing so. But even when I mess up,
whether it be saying something foolish without thinking or making a decision
without approaching it as our decision, he still desires to walk hand
in hand with me for as long as we have breath.

That is overwhelming, and
that is the beauty of Christ reflected through this man to whom I am giving my
life and love. His good is now more important than my own, and his interests are
now above my own. How incredibly Christ-exalting it is to see His Word actually
breathed out in the life of another. And this particular man is the one with
whom I get to share mine with for the rest of my days.

Praise the Lord, O my soul...


Amanda said...

awww...Eryn is so precious! I'm glad you had a good time! Showers always make me feel so loved and blessed and I can tell you felt the same! Love that!

Funderstorm said...

When I read your thoughts, I am so completely thankful to know you right now. I remember many times when you felt so uncertain about what the future would hold. When I would pray for you, I was (and still am) so confident that God had given me a precious rosebud that I would have the honor of watching come into bloom. I always hoped and prayed that life would not steal that from me by time and distance. I'm priveleged to know you and so amazingly proud of the woman of God you are. It's difficult, at times, to reconcile the memories of the "teeny bopper" I knew to what is before me today. My prayer is that God's richest blessings would be poured out in you life and that you would have the capacity to take it all in. There's a new(down here in the sticks) Steven Curtis Chapman song that says, "Breathe it in, breathe it out. Listen to your heartbeat. There's a wonder in the here and now. Right here in front of you....I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment." I know that overwhelming feeling you have...the one that you keep wishing for different words to describe. So, I pray you can soak it all in. You're much blessed! and loved.