"Give Me ________ Or I Will Die!"

“Idols aren’t just stone statues. No, idols are the thoughts, desires, longings, and expectations that we worship in the place of the true God. Idols cause us to ignore the true God in search of what we think we need."

(Fitzpatrick, 23)

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One of the highlights of being done with seminary, for me and my husband alike, has been the opportunity to go back and read certain books again. We were extremely fortunate to have some pretty amazing required reading lists, particularly for my counseling courses. However, the inevitable downside of the required reading during seminary was the inability to truly savor the content. I was given some of the most enriching texts I could have asked for, but given the hurried nature of my schedule throughout seminary, I didn't often really reflect on what I was reading. Hence the reason for creating a post-seminary reading list. I found it only appropriate to begin with Idols of the Heart by Elyse Fitzpatrick, a veritable cornerstone for the entire premise of biblical counseling and my heart for such ministry.

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The second chapter in Idols deals very personally with "Rachel's Idols and You." If you aren't familiar with Rachel's story from Genesis 29-30, she was consumed with jealousy and anger over the fact that she wasn't able to have children. Rachel, the beautiful sister, the one whom Jacob considered lovely, could not bear children, while her sister Leah gave him sons and a daughter. So overcome with envy, Rachel cried out to Jacob, "Give me children, or I shall die!" God saw fit to eventually give her children, and yet... after all of her pleading and agonizing, after a deep root of bitterness had grown, such blessing still wasn't enough for her. Why wasn't it enough for Rachel to finally be granted the one thing she had asked of the Lord? She craved something more than God Himself. She desired the gift over the Giver, and therefore her wicked heart remained unsatisfied. Rachel's story illustrates of what real idolatry looks like: elevating created things over the Creator, the gift over the Giver... What is it that we crave so much that we are willing to sin in order to obtain it, and then will sin if we don't? We each have a heart bent toward certain sins, hearts that are, as Luther referred to them, "idol factories" quick to seek satisfaction from something or someone other than God.

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I know full well that I can relate to Rachel very personally, and that I am prone to her response removed from God's daily grace. My natural inclination would be to wallow in self-pity, feed my own root of bitterness, and cultivate a heart incapable of sharing in the joy and celebration of others. These thoughts went through my mind after the events of this past weekend, one of many baby showers I have helped coordinate since being here in Louisville. The pain, the empty "something's missing" feeling, the sadness, the longing can very easily move me to anger and envy. Or even worse, I could be moved even further to no longer feeling anything, the paralized state of someone whose hope is swallowed up by despair. By the grace of God, I am not marked by such despair! Because of Christ, I have been given a new heart, a heart that feels and has emotion and has real desires. My husband and I desperately desire to have a family, and there are days when the longing seems enough to suffocate the very life out of me. But I don't struggle as one who has no hope. Because of that hope, because of the One who knows my form and my future, I can rejoice with those who rejoice, even if there are those days in between when I simply need to weep. I did shed some tears this weekend after the sweet celebration, but those tears did not come from an embittered heart. I know my tendencies, but I have also known grace. Rachel's story is never far from my mind in this regard because I know full well that I could quickly cry out, "Give me children, or I will die!" were it not for His grace intervening.

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For you, the "Give me _____, or I will die!" may be something else. Success? A husband or wife? A spouse with whom you would never argue? Perfect children? Whatever goes in the blank, ask yourself this: Is there something in my life I crave so deeply that I will either sin to get it or sin if I don't? "God calls us to bury our false gods at the cross. It’s in union with Jesus Christ, the One who hung on Golgotha’s tree, that we have the power to conquer all of our idolatry and bury our gods in the blood-soaked ground beneath His cross" (Fitzpatrick, 28). Praise the Lord that He has redeemed us through the blood of Christ, and that He satisfies our every longing... that HE is better than life itself.