Has it really been a year? Just over a year since I wrote about my diagnosis? This semester has gone by so quickly, I had not given myself time to pause and realize that my annual MRI and trip to the Tuberous Sclerosis Clinic are just around the corner. The MRI is scheduled for May 9th, and I will be heading to Cincinnati in June for my annual appointment at the clinic. I was just reading in my journal last night, flipping backwards to some of the things I wrote this past year, and I was reminded of the night my dermatologist called and told me what the results of my CT scan were. I remember the exact spot where I sat on my couch - sitting there with no noise from the TV, just myself in the quiet watches of the night. I remember the sweet presence of the Lord in the room that night, words of assurance and comfort like water washing over my soul. How near He is when we find ourselves in a valley.
This year is somewhat different from last year. Not only am I just having an MRI (rather than that in addition to CT scans), but I know what to expect now. I was nervous during that MRI since it was my first, and because I knew that such a test was ordered because the CT scan had confirmed that there was something in my brain. Yes, this year is different. The tests last year confirmed that there is something to keep watch on, and this year's test will determine if that tuber has grown. As somewhat of a preparation for the weeks ahead, I picked up a book which, unfortunately, was neglected for the better part of this semester. Last night before bed, I came across a rather comforting statement, one that rings true in particular seasons such as this:
"These griefs have been God's gifts. For only by such
severe suffering has my loving Father broken me free of some of my deeper
idolatries. In the nights' watches, while others sleep, my wakeful heart
must find rest in Him or it will find no rest at all. . . . 'When I am
afraid I put my trust in You. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust;
I shall not be afraid' (Ps. 56)." ~M.R. Talbot