Wednesday, August 01, 2007

157 Days ~ Wisdom from a Newlywed

In her ongoing blog, Christine is answering questions geared toward her first month of marriage. I was so moved, encouraged, and challenged by her response to a particular question that I asked her permission to post her response here:

  • Anon. asked:Just wondering... but as another self-described "independent
    woman," I find myself wanting to know which parts of the engaged/married
    experience (so far) have been the most trying for a woman who had been used to
    making her own decisions in every area without having to submit to another human
    being in each of them. I think it will be very difficult for me to adjust to
    that, given that I've been living on my own since 1999. Have you experienced
    frustration or fear or similar feelings along the way? Has it been harder or
    easier than you expected to live in Biblical "coupledom"? Or is it, frankly, too
    soon to tell?
  • Christine responds:A month or so before I left the United States
    for Germany I was reading over my vows and was hit by this portion:
    promise, by God's grace, as He enables me to submit to you and to obey you in
    everything, as I do to the Lord. I recognize you as my head, even as Christ is
    the head of the church. In so doing I resolve to put my trust in God and not
    give way to fear
    . The weight of this statement overwhelmed and humbled me to the
    point of tears. I realized then that I could not give into fear because
    ultimately my trust was not in Mike but in God. Mike will eventually fail me and
    disappoint me and I will do the same to him! At that moment I realized that I did
    have fear in my life: fear that Mike would disappoint me and not live up to an
    unreasonably high standard. Could I place myself under him knowing this?! But who
    am I? I, too, am a sinner. I, too, will disappoint. To expect more of Michael
    than his human limitations would be to make him god. And if I clung to him in
    desperation and he failed me, my world would fall apart leading to resentment
    and then bitterness. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." This is what
    drove me to tears: this vision of the monster I could become, gripped by the
    sins of idolatry and bitterness, wounding others because I myself had been
    wounded. It was at this moment that I knew I had to reject this idolatry and
    cling to God and his provisions and perfect goodness. When Mike somehow
    disappoints me I am now free to joyfully show him grace and forgiveness. Instead
    of resenting Mike, I hope in Christ and repent of my own sinful behavior. I am
    thankful that this transformation of the mind took place before our wedding. As
    a result, it has been an incredibly smooth transition into living together in
    grace and love.

1 comment:

Adrian said...

I think it's important to remember, as I was reminded last night from someone married for twelve years, is that every marriage is going to be really different. There are biblical principles that we need to follow, but there's not a mold we have to fill and perfect. There are a lot of things you're going to come across in marriage - especially after the first few weeks of bliss - that do not have biblical principles attached. What the Bible has to say makes a good combination with the reality life and that's going to be interesting and unique for every couple.