What My Momma Gave Me...

...Hips. My momma gave me my hips. I am what some would consider a lanky, maybe even srawny, girl in the upper half, but I make up for it below the waistline. This has always been one of my jokes with my mom since we are built so similarly. We talk the same (though she, as with the rest of my family, has the stronger southern accent), we are built the same, the look in our eyes is often the same, and we have very similar facial expressions. While I am definitely a hodge-podge of varying family traits from both sides, the older I get the more I see these similarities between me and my mom.

We are also very different in some ways, mostly evidenced in our personalities and preferences. She likes sage green; I prefer the bold statement of red and other rich colors. She likes horses and small dogs; I like dogs that are the size of small horses. She received years of formal training in music performance; I kind of rebelled against and opted to do things my own way (which is an indicator of my severe lack of discipline in the area of music).

In short, my mom and I have some rather distinct likenesses and differences. We have had an interesting history in our relationship, having been through some very rocky seasons particularly during my adolescence. However, after all of these years, I can look back at how the Lord was working even during those difficult times, and I am thankful that He's brought us to a place of forgiveness and mutual understanding. I am grateful for the relationship we have now, and for the ways in which I can rely on her as my mom and friend. One of the things I have been able to talk with my mom about since getting married last year is the topic of motherhood. She knows me well, and also knows of my deep longing to also be a mother someday. While she cannot fully understand the struggle, she is a wonderful listener and graciously reminds me that she will love any grandchild she has, whether biological or adopted.


Not only do I have my own mom for whom I am grateful, but I have also been personally touched by other mothers whom I have been blessed to know over the years. There are two in particular I am continually encouraged by at a very deep and unique level, my "mom" from back home who has gone from mentor to friend in recent years, and my mother-in-law. Both of these honorable women experienced some of the same emotions and thoughts I am going through even before my husband and I begin having children of our own. Both of these women have impacted me deeply because of the ways in which they have displayed the undeserved, unmerited love of our gracious Father.


I am encouraged by them because they too have given life to two children. One of them traveled over land and sea to bring her daughter home, and the other brought her son home from a Catholic orphanage in west Texas. Did either of them know, fully comprehend, the great gift they were giving another human being? Did either of them anticipate the joy these two individuals would bring? I am sure they had an idea, hence some of their anticipation in bringing their children home, but the Lord has a way of blessing us beyond all we ever ask or imagine. I remember numerous conversations with my "adopted mom" back home in church offices, on livingroom couches, in car rides, as she poured out her heart about the pain that comes with not being able to bear children. I remember hurting for her, knowing I could not comprehend the depth of her pain at the time, but even in my immature understanding, I knew the Lord was near and I knew the Lord would do a great work. And He has... I have had conversations with my mother-in-law about that day when they received a phone call from the adoption agency that there was a baby available and ready to be brought home. In a flurry of activity, they packed up and drove to Amarillo at a moment's notice that they might bring home that 10-day-old baby boy. Little did they know that that little person at that orphanage in Amarillo would be used as an effective instrument in teaching and preaching the Word of God. The Lord worked through both of these willing women and their husbands to give life, and He has given life abundantly.


I still struggle with the unknown of mine and my husband's circumstances, and he is more than understanding when I am in those moments of very real pain and uncertainty. About 27 days out of the month, I can honestly say that I am completely at peace and content with however the Lord chooses to bring children into our lives. We count ourselves privileged if I was to either carry one myself, or if we were to bring one home via adoption. Either means of building our family proclaims the Lord's grace, speaking truth of the intricate ways in which He breathes life into being. About 27 days out of the month, I am simply eager to be somewhere more permanent so that my husband and I can begin talking more intentionally about a timeframe and the details of what we are going to do. And the remainder of the days in the month? I do struggle. I do cry and wonder and question what in the world He is going to do in our lives regarding children. I know that whatever He does is His will for our lives and not our own, but I confess that I am not always content to simply know that. During those other days of the month, I have a very impatient and anxious heart. I am at a prime age when countless friends are welcoming their own little bundles of joy, whether biologically are through adoption, and I count myself as blessed to witness such joy. But I cannot deny that I don't hurt at times. I was telling my husband earlier this week that I cannot deny that desire that resides deep within, that nurturing desire to mother my own child. I know that such a want will not be fulfilled on my own timetable, I fully acknowledge that now is clearly not the time for that, but I have to at least admit to my husband that that desire is always there. Sometimes the gnawing is subtle, and other times it's quite overwhelming.


I am eager to give life in whatever way the Lord ordains us to do so. That nurturing desire has no requirements. In other words, I do not and have never seen adoption as a "Plan B." Adoption is a specific and privileged calling just as carrying your own child is a gift. The mothers who have impacted me the most are not determined by the way in which they became mothers, but rather by the unconditioned love they instantaneously bestowed upon the babies they welcomed home. May the same be said of me when the Lord ordains that same blessing for us. I discovered this quote on another blog, and I want to echo the thanks to all of you mothers near and dear:
"To all mothers, be they natural, birth, or adoptive, may you receive the thanks and honor due you for bringing us life and love... for sacrificing so much for us. May the Word to you be, 'Well done, My good & faithful servant. Come and share your Master's happiness.'"

A Double Dose of Pink!

For the second time in just four months, I was blessed to take part in hosting a sweet baby shower for two of the women at Grace this past Saturday. Both are having girls (one having just barely made it and welcomed daughter #3 into the world today!!), so we went all out with the pink! The tablescape was beautiful, and the food was heavenly. One of the women has a chocolate fondue fountain, so we had all of the goodies for that, and then I tried my hand at strawberry cake sandwiches (which could be its own blog entry on the near-disaster which almost took place in my kitchen on Friday night).
These are the two wonderful, adorable mommies we honored on Saturday~

This picture does not do justice to the gift they were each given from our pastor's wife. She made these sweet blankets with her very own hands, and the sentimental side of me teared up at the thought of how meaningful a gift these will be for years to come~

And these lovely ladies are the ones whom we honored in November - my how time flies! Those two little ones are definitely crowd favorites wherever they go~

There was a thought lingering in my mind this week as I kept reminding myself to post these pictures...the time is short, so we savor and enjoy it while we can... If each us at that sweet shower this past weekend look around, we see other women and their husbands who are in very similar seasons of life. The vast majority of us are going to be entering into ministry alongside our husbands in the very near future, and the exact location is unknown. I was told numerous times by one of my dearest friends back home that one of the bittersweet realities of ministry is the meeting and parting of friends along the journey. I count myself blessed to have had in the past, and also currently, friends who have graciously reminded me of this as a means of encouragement and preparation. I love the women at Grace so much. We each have very different schedules from week to week, but when we meet together for such celebrations, the time is truly sweet. Oh, may we savor this fleeting season, and then take with us in the months and years ahead what we have learned!

Shared Hope Even In Sorrow

"Rock of Ages, when the day seems long

From this labor and this heartache I have come

The skies will wear out, but You remain the same

Rock of Ages, I praise Your name..."

One of the most incredible aspects of the Christian life involves fellowship, a fellowship unlike any other on this side of heaven. Upon receiving the gift of salvation, we are welcomed into this intimate union with fellow brothers and sisters. What I find most amazing, the very thing which brings me to tears as I write, is the hope to which each of us clings. No matter the circumstance, no matter the pain, no matter the heartache, no matter the wrongs committed against us, no matter what the case may be...we have the shared and only hope - the hope of our Great Shepherd.

In less than a week, two dear acquaintances of mine have been faced with tragedy I cannot even begin to understand or imagine. Both of these sweet and encouraging women have blessed my life and that of many others. They are the kind of individuals, sisters in this undeserved inheritance, who remind me of how sweet the Lord is to orchestrate specific people at specific points in time that we might be encouraged in the faith. These women are both faithful wives and sacrificial in their time and giving to those around them. While I am not as closely connected with either of them in this particular season, I can look back at recent years and consider myself blessed to have known them.

These two dear sisters have unexpectedly lost a parent in recent days, one having lost her father and the other having lost her mother. The suddenness of both incidents have thrown family and friends off guard, the shock greatly affecting any who knew them. Rather than hearing of pain, anger, and the common questions of why overwhelming their speech, though understandable and very real emotions to experience during such tragedy, there has been a different resounding theme... How else other than through the hope of Christ can both women testify to the nearness of the Lord? How else other than through His saving grace and deep comfort over them can they continue to call Him Great Shepherd? A true mystery to those who do not know such hope...

Please pray for these precious sisters. They are each also expecting their first daughters in the very near future, which must add another element to this season of inexpressible joy and sorrow. Pray that the Lord will continue to overwhelm them with His kindness and nearness, and that they will cling to that hope during this dark valley. Pray that the Holy Spirit will be evident in His ministry in and through both of these families in the coming days and months.

I would also encourage you to call your mom or dad and simply tell them of your love and gratitude for them... I called my own mom a few days ago and just cried. If your family, similar to lingering questions with my own family, does not know the hope that surpasses understanding, pray the He would move and work. Pray that He would use you as the instrument of grace in their lives, that they will see the evidence of such undeserved grace and kindness. Pray that, if He so wills, He would call them into this unearthly fellowship. And praise Him that He gives us one another to walk through such dark nights of the soul together.

What are We, the Church, Doing? What SHOULD We, the Church, be Doing?

"The Floodgate is Now Open - President Obama and the Vulnerable Embryo"

Fight the Freedom of Choice Act

Beloved
Beloved these are dangerous times
because you are weightless like a leaf from the vine
and the wind has blown you all over town
because there is nothing holding you to the ground
so now you would rather be
a slave again than free from the law
Chorus - Beloved listen to Me
don’t believe all that you see
and don’t you ever let anyone tell you
that there’s anything that you need but Me
Beloved these are perilous days
when your culture is so set in it’s ways
that you will listen to salesmen and thieves
preaching other than the truth you’ve received
because they are telling lies
for they cannot circumcise your hearts
Chorus
Beloved there is nothing more
no more blessings and no more rewards
than the treasure of My body and blood
given freely to all daughters and sons
Chorus
(Words & Music by Derek Webb)

Randomness Ahead...

...you've been warned. In my lack of blogging the past couple of weeks, and in the midst of a quiet season, there is not much that seems to merit the dedication of a focused entry. But, alas, here I am, and I'm determined to write something, even if none of what I write comes together in one coherent thought.

Here's the very random and brief rundown of the events in recent weeks:
1) My husband had the flu - I have never seen him as sick as he was last week. He was miserable and we thought he would never break the 101.5 fever he held onto for a few days. In ways only the Lord can orchestrate, the week was a sweet time for us. His illness was yet another "growth spurt" for us in that I was given the opportunity to care for and serve him in some of the most basic tasks, and he in return rarely, if ever, complained. It's amazing how such good can come out of something like a case of the flu.
2) I've seen two movies in the theater in less than a week's time: "He's Just Not That Into You" and "Confessions of a Shopaholic." I have personal reviews in mind for both of these films, and in conversation you would find that I would recommend both for various reasons.
3) I had another interview at work for a different position (again). I tried to hold out on not telling anyone, and I have still managed to do so here at work. I have learned something about myself - the more I share with people, the more my hopes are elevated. This isn't always a good thing, particularly when it comes time for the interviewing manager to share the bad news of not being the candidate they have selected. There is no news of this position yet, but I can at least say it was the most encouraging interview I've had here thus far. The manager with whom I met actually thought it was a good thing that my resume does not reflect the typical experience or educational background he is used to seeing. He actually liked that I bring a unique background to this company, something I'm not exactly accustomed to hearing...
4) My dog decided to help herself to some of my husbands's leftover medicine from last week, causing us to panic and wonder if she would suffer death by off-brand cold relief. Thankfully, we have a friend we were able to call who gave us some pointers on symptoms to look for, so we were on night watch for a couple of hours. And, thankfully, the dog that did the chomping is also the one whom we affectionately refer to as "The Iron Stomach."
5) The class I decided to audit this semester has proven to be a real joy to attend, and the Lord confirms each week that it was for my good that I take a semester off to think things through.
6) I've been trying to journal more consistently. And I'm actually nearing the end of my current journal, which is always somewhat thrilling to me as it indicates that I get to start writing on fresh, blank pages in the very near future. The journal I keep now was blank once upon a time, and since the start of filling the lines with ink, I have gotten engaged, entered into marriage with my husband, and celebrated our first full year. This one will probably be tucked away as the most cherished I have ever kept.
7) And I'm still trying to make reading a priority at least a few minutes each day. On the bedside table are: Persuasion by Jane Austen, Women Leading Women by Martin & Stovall, and Foundations for Soul Care by Dr. Eric Johnson.


Is this a pathetic excuse for a blog entry? (Yes...) I don't think it is necessarily because it at least lets my faithful readers know that I'm still alive and kicking!

Sweet Little Valentines Weekend

So my husband and I decided that Valentines Day in the years to come will probably remain very simple. When you have an anniversary in January and both birthdays in April, you just have to pick your all-out celebrations, right? But, he does know how to please! Not only did I get exquisite roses and chocolate (enough to please me!), but he also made us French toast with strawberries and powdered sugar for dinner...mmm, good times.
On Sunday evening, we took part in the first annual Valentines Day banquet at our church. Not only was it all done on a small budget, but the decorations were beautiful, the food was scrumptuous, and the fellowship was great.

I think there was more dessert than actual dinner - sounds reasonable to me!

That is our pastor and his wife on the right side of me (and my silly husband on the left just in case you missed him, hehe). I actually had not met the others at the table yet, so it was a great time of getting to know them as well. We talked about school, sheep, and cake balls~

This is the sign I made for the (Not-So) Newlywed Game we played after dinner. Four couples were asked to serve as contestants, and we happened to be one of the lucky couples to sit in the hot seat~

The competition~

One of our first questions: "What does your wife love to make for dinner that you hate to eat?"

This one was good: "What does your wife do that annoys you the most?"
~

As silly as the game was, I was reminded of how blessed I am by all of the couples at church. There is a range of history represented, couples who have come from and met in very different circumstances, and they are all just so very encouraging. My prayer of late is that we will continue to grow in unity, and not for the sake of growing in number, but that we might as one body yearn for and draw near to the Lord. We have Him to praise for where He has brought us, and we have Him to praise for whatever the future has in store!

Question...

To what extent is forgiveness possible between individuals removed from a Christian mindset?

My mind is been reeling over this for the better part of two weeks now...what are your thoughts?

A Night with Nali

"The man who has faith..."

“The man who has faith is the man who is no longer looking at himself, and no longer looking to himself. He no longer looks at anything he once was. He does not look at what he is now. He does not [even] look at what he hopes to be as the result of his own efforts. He looks entirely to the Lord Jesus Christ and His finished work, and he rests on that alone. He has ceased to say, ‘Ah yes, I have committed terrible sins but I have done this and that…’ He stops saying that. If he goes on saying that, he has not got faith… Faith speaks in an entirely different manner and makes a man say, ‘Yes, I have sinned grievously, I have lived a life of sin… yet I know that I am a child of God because I am not resting on any righteousness of my own; my righteousness is in Jesus Christ, and God has put that to my account.’”

(Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones as quoted by Timothy Keller in The Message of Romans (Redeemer Presbyterian Church, 2003), 59.

"Of First Importance"

Are you an individual who likes the idea of journaling, of having hours to spend in meditation, reading and prayer? However, although the idea is nice, you just don't see it as possible with your hectic schedule... The desired three hours has to be squeezed into five minutes, and the pouring over a book ends up being two pages skimmed prior to crashing for the night. Is that you? If you are anything like me, time for quiet devotion is a daily struggle. I want to have at least an hour before the day begins, but I so often give in to my sleepy self and I confess that I have not committed to such a spiritual discipline in quite some time. However, I have discovered what originally seemed like a very minor, small help. This little help was found while browsing one evening, and it has truly spurred me on each morning. Even if I don't get that desired time prior to the start of the day's routine (still confessing that I need to do so!), something like this can at least shape my thinking and motivation for the hours ahead.
~
The site is entitled Of First Importance and provides daily quotes from great men of faith, some current and some whom we recognize as the great Church fathers who have gone before us. Not only does it provide the quote and name of the individual, but also provides a link to the source (great idea if you are in need of solid, Christ-exalting, Scripture-saturated reading material). The site gives you the option of having them emailed which is why I'm able to read a new one at the start of each day. Here is just a sampling of some of the quotes thus far:

“The majesty of God’s forgiveness is lost entirely when we lose what has to be forgiven. What has to be forgiven is not just what we do but who we are, not just our sinning but our sinfulness, not just our choices but what we have chosen in place of God. . . . When we miss the biblical teaching, we also miss the nature of God’s grace in all its height and depth. In biblical faith it is God’s grace through Christ that does for us what we cannot do for ourselves.” ~ David F. Wells

~

“The message of the gospel is that you are saved by grace through Christ’s work and nothing else at all. As soon as you add anything to it, you have lost it entirely.” ~ Timothy Keller

~

“The difference between a Christian and a non-Christian: when a non-Christian is convicted of sin, he sides with his sin. When a Christian is convicted of sin, he sides with God, against himself.” ~ Mark Dever

~

Are you in need of spurring on at the start of the day? Are you searching for solid, biblical reading material? Are you in need of something to help start you off in establishing and making spiritual discipline a priority? This is just one example of the fact that you are not alone. If you don't even know where to begin, here is one simple resource that can be of great encouragement.

Moments of Stillness

The power outage last week triggered something I wasn't anticipating. Our lives and daily schedules as we know them came to an abrupt halt, and my husband and I found ourselves sitting together in our dark townhome wondering what to do with our time. From Wednesday morning forward, two things occurred; my husband and I spent sweet, valuable time together, and we both experienced much needed rest and even silence. The break in routine gave us both extensive time to stop and reflect on a variety of things. For him, it was sweet time spent with the Lord, seeking Him on how he can minister to others during this season of our lives. We have been blessed with my job allowing my husband the time to focus on school and ministry through the church, so this was a good week of prayer and reflection for him. For me, it was simply stopping. Removed from work for a day, television and internet, I found myself wondering what to do with the quiet. In those quiet moments and days, the best way to describe the time is to simply echo the psalmist's plea, "Restore to me the joy of Your salvation..." The Lord showed me that I needed that silence more than I realized in order to be alone with Him. I realized how easy it became to rely on the safety net of seminary, how little I was spending time in personal study and prayer, and how I am always in need and dependent upon Him. So not only has it been good for me to only work during this season, rather than working and attending classes, but I apparently needed my entire routine to pause if even for a few days. And because of that, I have writer's overload rather than writer's block, which I have learned is another reason to go for an extensive period of time without writing anything. There are so many things that have been on my mind that I haven't really known where to begin.
~

As a sweet addition to this respite, my husband mentioned to me on Thursday that there was a worship concert on campus scheduled for that evening. When I told him I was up for going if he was, on the inside I was thrilled and very much looking forward to the experience. Keith and Kristyn Getty have become some of my favorite worship leaders and modern hymnwriters, and we have never had the opportunity to see them live. We arrived at the seminary chapel on Thursday evening a full thirty minutes early, and the place was already packed. Even this thrilled my soul because of the wonder it is when fellow believers join together, all crammed in one space, to unashamedly and in one accord lift our voices to the Lord. The Gettys have been gifted by the Lord in their ability to write timeless, modern hymns anyone can sing. Not only are the lyrics rich with Scriptural truth and doctrine, but they are written in a way that the small country church with a sorely out of tune piano can sing just as easily as the large well-equipped church in the city. Some of the songs they introduced us to on Thursday evening were new, and even then I was moved by the audience's willingness to dive in and sing with full abandon. During some of the more familiar hymns, I found myself sitting in the chapel pew with tears in my eyes, praising the Lord for how sweet He has been to us in recent days and weeks. There was also an overwhelming sense of unity and passion for declaring such truths, and I was moved to pray these things for our own small body of believers. It was one of those moments wherein I didn't have the words to express my deep sense of thanks, so I simply allowed the music to fill up what I could not articulate on my own.

Every Promise

From the breaking of the dawn to the setting of the sun,

I will stand on ev'ry promise of Your Word.

Words of power, strong to save, that will never pass away,

I will stand on ev'ry promise of Your Word.

For Your covenant is sure, and on this I am secure—I can stand on ev'ry promise of Your Word.

When I stumble and I sin, condemnation pressing in,

I will stand on ev'ry promise of Your Word.

You are faithful to forgive that in freedom I might live,

So I stand on ev'ry promise of Your Word.

Guilt to innocence restored,You remember sins no more—

So I'll stand on ev'ry promise of Your Word.

When I'm faced with anguished choice, I will listen for Your voice,

And I'll stand on ev'ry promise of Your Word.

Through this dark and troubled land You will guide me with Your hand

As I stand on ev'ry promise of Your Word.

And You've promised to complete ev'ry work begun in me—

So I'll stand on ev'ry promise of Your Word.

Hope that lifts me from despair, love that casts out ev'ry fear,

As I stand on ev'ry promise of Your Word.

Not forsaken, not alone, for the Comforter has come,

And I stand on ev'ry promise of Your Word.

Grace sufficient, grace for me, Grace for all who will believe—

We will stand on ev'ry promise of Your Word.

The Week in Review

~Tuesday night~~Wednesday morning~

~Friday night~

~Saturday morning~

All I will say for now in my exhausted yet thankful state is that the Lord has shown us much over the course of almost four days with no power. Now off to bed in our heated home to read by the light from the lamp~

Day Three of Seeing by Candlelight

This was taken from my cell phone on the way home from work yesterday at a stoplight. We would normally go straight, but we clearly had to take a detour. This is just one example of the warzone this particular area of Louisville currently resembles.

So here we are well into day three without power, along with the other 170,000 Louisville residents. The official total in the city yesterday was around 205,000 with the state total at 607,000 which surpassed the original record set by the windstorm back in September. While we have obviously not enjoyed the task of warming ourselves at night with temps in the 20s, there are plenty of things for which we are still thankful. There are still counties in Kentucky without power and heat and water, something I am thankful we have not had to endure. We are thankful for the amount of businesses that are still open, as it has allowed us to eat out and purchase any necessary items that come to mind. A few things I have learned over the past three days (and I'm sure I will continue learning as the days wear on, however many we may have left!):

1. When you don't have power, but still have hot water, be thankful! The heat and steam or not only calming (and cleaning!), but also help warm the upstairs temporarily.

2. When you don't have power and the ability to cook a hot meal, get creative! My husband purchased a little camping stove that can be used outdoors with these cute little propane things (yes, I did refer to them as "cute."). We also searched around for any remaining gift cards, and happened to still have one, so last night treated ourselves to some Outback specials!

3. Dogs make for great space heaters, and they are glad to be of assistance.

4. Blankets, blankets, blankets. You would be surprised at what layering can do to warm up the body, so pile them up when you get ready to climb into bed.

5. Thermals, thermals, thermals. I have been wearing mine at home under pajamas and sweatshirts, and I have been amazed at how well insulated they are.

6. Just because your house is freezing cold doesn't necessarily mean that the fridge is going to keep. Thankfully I didn't go on a shopping spree the day before, so we are not having to throw away a huge amount!

7. Hand warmers make for great space heaters (second to dogs, of course). The ones we found at the sporting goods store were only $1 for a pack of two, and each pack lasts up to 10 hours. If you stick them under the blankets, rather than wasting the heat by only warming your hands, they will eventually warm up the bed.

8. This one may sound silly, but it's true (or you may already know this and be shaking your head at my ignorance!): When your nose is freezing and running, it's tempting and easy to mouth breathe. However, you will keep your body heat better by breathing through your nose rather than the mouth breathing (and you won't sound like a moron).

9. The combined scents of pumpkin spice, cinnamon spice, apple pie, honeysuckle, vanilla, and some other pink one make for an interesting assortment. Beware if you have already have a sensitivity to strong smells as this might take you over the edge.

10. There is ALWAYS room to be thankful regardless of your current predicament (though somedays you might honestly not feel so thankful).

10. I already knew this but the realization has only increased: my husband is a genius. He knows and has thought of so many things that I would never have crossed my mind. I feel all the more cared for and safe under his concern, wisdom, and thought. I'm certainly glad one of us thinks through things rather than being reactionary... This "adventure" has deepened my love and trust for him all the more.

Power Outage Take Two

These were taken with my cell phone on Tuesday morning. At that time, enough snow and ice had fallen to cause us all to hold our breath in anticipation for what was in store in the hours and days to come. On Tuesday I went to work as usual, and by the time we all left to go home, our cars had over an inch of ice encapsulating them, and the freezing rain pouring down was seemingly relentless.
~

Since Tuesday afternoon, we have hunkered down in our homes to endure 20 hours of freezing rain and up to five more inches of snow. The radio reports have estimated a quarter of a million in our area without power, not including the rest of Kentucky and southern Indiana. This makes for the second largest power outage in the state's history...just five months after the state's largest.

~

If you think to, please pray for all of the individuals and families who are without power this week. The temperature is not expected to climb above freezing until the weekend, so that poses even greater difficulty for all of the workers trying to get the state functioning again. Though the outage in September was larger, the temperatures that time of year were more bearable. Residents now are faced with trying to heat their homes without the capability of doing so, and some are even without hot water. Pray that those who need the help will seek and receive, and may the Lord bless those who give freely of their own resources.

"Decisions, Decisions" Update

I want to first begin by thanking those of you who have been mindful of my predicament and either called on the phone or simply stopped me in passing to ask me how things have been going. Thinking through the school decision has not been an easy one; your words of encouragement have been received and your prayers felt. The Lord never ceases to amaze me in how He so particularly ordains certain people to cross our paths at the most opportune moments.

~

After what seems like hours spent talking with my husband, as well as time spent praying, reading and writing, I have decided to withdraw from school for the semester. The best course of action for us at this point both practically and for my own rest and reflection is to wait and complete my counseling internship during the fall semester and graduate with my husband in December. This will not only allow me personal time to really think things through, but will also allow us to tackle other items of debt faster than we had originally anticipated.

~

Although I am withdrawing from school for the semester, I am still going to audit a class that meets on Monday nights. The course is available in the counseling department, but is not required for my specific degree program. I have never taken a class from this particular professor before, and I think that auditing the course will aid all the more as I think through those things pertaining to my future as a counselor. The course focuses on different counseling models, providing an overview of the more common approaches to counseling from a Christian perspective, with the end goal of each student developing his or her own philosophy of counseling. I find that such a course will be particularly helpful since my holdup with whether or not to pursue state licensure has to do with my own approach to counseling.

~

I have always wanted to primarily counsel in the church. I echo many of those whom I respect as biblical counselors that counseling should occur in the church. Churches should raise up and hire men who are ready to truly pastor their flocks, addressing the heart issues behind particular sins and our desperate need for repentance. I have always wanted to be an active participant in sharing the message of true hope with others, speaking the Gospel truth and its application to the daily struggles we face. I have within me a deep yearning to minister to my fellow sisters, walking alongside them as they face root issues and examine their own hearts in whatever struggle with which they are faced. At the root of who we are as believers resides two life-transforming truths: we were created by a sovereign God, and He has redeemed us from death and enslavement to our own sin!

~

While I do not discount psychology and the ways in which advancements in this field have aided in learning more about the mind and body, I am not completely convinced that I want to go on and receive further education for a professional state license. I know that in my previous post I made note of the fact that I think further education would be worthwhile, but that is dependent upon whether or not I think a license in and of itself is going to be worth the time and effort. If I am called to minister to others out in the community, open to the possibility of this taking place in a secular setting, then yes, state licensure is necessary. I will also have to consider that with state licensure comes a secular, highly-psychologized education. However, if when we are finished with school and my heart's cry is still to counsel women and families in the context of the church, then a state license is not needed. There are also numerous practical issues to consider if one is licensed by the state and counseling formally in the church; liability issues, ethical matters, and other potential problems create a minefield of red tape.

~

All that to say that I am still not fully convinced that I am going to pursue state licensure. If I do make that choice, I desire that such a choice be made with as much knowledge and as much certainty before diving in to all that is required. I will be perfectly content if I complete my seminary degree and the certificate in biblical counseling is what I am intended to receive rather than state licensure.

~

"The ground of our hope is the grace of God. Our renewal is a sign of his gracious sanctifying work or it is nothing. For the Christian, self-assessment is an assessment of the victory of grace in his life." (J. Piper)

To read more about the two organizations through which I would pursue a certificate in biblical counseling, visit CCEF and NANC (or just select from the links on my sidebar).

Fervent Prayer for the Chief

Our Father, Lord of all creation, Father of our Lord Jesus Christ: We pray today with a sense of special urgency and responsibility. We come before you to pray for our new President, Barack Obama, and for all those in this new administration who now assume roles of such high responsibility.
We know that you and you alone are sovereign; that you rule over all, and that you alone are able to keep and defend us. We know that our times are in your hands, and that "the king's heart is like channels of water in the hand of the Lord" [Proverbs 21:1]. Our confidence is in you and in you alone. We come before you as a people who acknowledge our constant need for your provision, wisdom, and protection.
Father, we pray today for Barack Obama as he takes office as President of the United States. We pray that you will show the glory of your name in our times and in these days, confounding the wisdom of the wise, thwarting the plans of the arrogant, and vindicating those who do justice and practice righteousness.
Father, we pray with thanksgiving for the gift of government and the grace of civic order. Thank you for giving us rulers and for knowing our need for laws and ordered life together. Thank you for this nation and the blessings we know as its citizens. Thank you for freedoms unprecedented in human history. We understand that these freedoms come with unprecedented opportunities.
Lord, we pray with thanksgiving for the joy and celebration reflected on millions of faces who never expected to look to the President of the United States and see a person who looks like themselves. Father, thank you for preserving this nation to the moment when an African-American citizen will take the oath of office and become our President. Thank you for the hope this has given to so many, the pride emerging in hearts that had known no such hope, and the pride that comes to a people who have experienced such pain at the hands of fellow citizens, simply because of the color of their skin. Father, we rejoice in every elderly face that reflects such long-sought satisfaction and in every young face that expresses such unrestrained joy. May this become an open door for a vision of race and human dignity that reflects your glory in our differences, and not our corruption of your gift.
Father, protect this president, we pray. We pray that you will surround this president and his family, along with all our leaders, with your protection and sustenance. May he be protected from evil acts and evil intentions, and may his family be protected from all evil and harm.
We pray that the Obama family will be drawn together as they move into the White House, and that they will know great joy in their family life. We are thankful for the example Barack and Michelle Obama have set as parents. Father, protect those precious girls in every way -- including the protection of their hearts as they see their father often criticized and as he is away from them on business of state. May their years in the White House bring them all even closer together.
Father, we pray for the safety and security of this nation, even as our new president settles into his role as Commander in Chief. We know that you and you alone can be our defense. We do not place our trust in horses or chariots, and we pray that you will give this president wisdom as he fulfills this vital responsibility.
Father, grant him wisdom in every dimension of his vast responsibility. Grant him wisdom to deal with a global financial crisis and with the swirling complex of vexing problems and challenges at home and abroad. May he inspire this nation to a higher vision for our common life together, to a higher standard of justice, righteousness, unity, and the tasks of citizenship.
Father, we pray that you will change this president's heart and mind on issues of urgent concern. We are so thankful for his gifts and talents, for his intellect and power of influence. Father, bend his heart to see the dignity and sanctity of every single human life, from the moment of conception until natural death. Father, lead him to see abortion, not as a matter of misconstrued rights, but as a murderous violation of the right to life. May he come to see every aborted life as a violation of human dignity and every abortion as an abhorrent blight upon this nation's moral witness. May he pledge himself to protect every human life at every stage of development. He has declared himself as an energetic defender of abortion rights, and we fear that his election will lead directly to the deaths of countless unborn human beings. Protect us from this unspeakable evil, we pray. Most urgently, we pray that you will bring the reign of abortion to an end, even as you are the defender of the defenseless.
Father, may this new president see that human dignity is undermined when human embryos are destroyed in the name of medical progress, and may he see marriage as an institution that is vital to the very survival of civilization. May he protect all that is right and good. Father, change his heart where it must be changed, and give him resolve where his heart is right before you.
Father, when we face hard days ahead -- when we find ourselves required by conscience to oppose this president within the bounds of our roles as citizens -- may we be granted your guidance to do so with a proper spirit, with a proper demeanor, and with persuasive arguments. May we learn anew how to confront without demonizing, and to oppose without abandoning hope.
Father, we are aware that our future is in your hands, and we are fully aware that you and you alone will judge the nations. Much responsibility is now invested in President Barack Obama, and much will be required. May we, as Christian citizens, also fulfill what you would require of us. Even as we pray for you to protect this president and change his heart, we also pray that your church will be protected and that you will conform our hearts to your perfect will.
Father, we pray these things in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord, the ever-reigning once and future King, the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. He and he alone can save, and his kingdom is forever. Above all, may your great name be praised. Amen.

(Courtesy of R. Albert Mohler)

Decisions, Decisions

Confession time - I hate making decisions.

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When it comes to choices that will largely affect me down the road (job, school, etc.) I actually have a physical reaction when it comes down to the final minute when the decision needs to be made. I wouldn't call it a panic attack ncessarily, but when my brain is going 100mph through all of the pros and cons to whatever choice I make, I tend to sweat and my heart rate increases. I find myself in the middle of such a decision. I am nearing the point when the decision absolutely needs to be made, and whatever I decide will greatly affect any employment or education opportunities in the future (and of course ultimately affecting me and my husband).

~

For those of you who aren't completely familiar with the degree program I am in, I am one class away from completing a Master of Arts in Biblical Counseling. After almost four years of attending seminary, I am one semester away from being completely done and walking the stage adorned in cap and gown. What you also may not know about the program is that the degree is designed for a very narrow field - counseling within your local church. The biblical counseling program has only been at Southern for four years, and is intended to replace the program that used to prepare students for state licensure in counseling. The classes I am taking now and the degree I will receive in just four short months will not count toward licensure, only a particular certification for counseling in the church. I of course knew this as I was applying and preparing to enter the program in 2005, but as I near the end I am faced with important questions about the future.

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I have wanted to be in the field of counseling for as long as I can remember. I have always been particularly convicted about counseling families, and I have primarily wanted to do so in the church. With this comes the realization that I may or may not be paid for that type of counseling: it would all depend on the church and their ability or willingness to provide monetarily for such ministry. Money is not priority, but thinking through such matters led me to ponder another important question. Do I want to be available to counsel in any given capacity, not just in the church?

~

As I near the end of my degree, I struggle with thought of having not only my undergraduate degree but now also my graduate degree feeling somewhat useless. On a very practical level, neither of my degrees say very much nor do they spark much interest on a resume. That does not mean that I regret devoting years to either one, but I do wonder what the point was for investing so much time and money and energy into two degrees that have very little weight when it comes to employment prospects. I was fortunate to obtain both degrees, I am not ungrateful, just wondering what kind of value they hold.

~

I am at a point wherein I am debating on further schooling... Do I really want to go to yet another school for another masters degree? Not exactly. Do I see the long-term value of doing so? Yes. There is a school here in Louisville that offers a masters degree in marriage and family therapy, preparing students specifically for licensure in that field. The program is not only attractive due to being the exact degree I would want to pursue, but also because the courses are offered both online and at night. For such a practical degree for what I am wanting to pursue, there are also very practical matters holding me back from applying: 1) I am still in seminary, not quite done, 2) my husband and I have no idea where we are going to be come December. Aside from those two items, I would apply in a heartbeat and get this show on the road. No, I don't want to go through school all over again, but the more I think about it the more I think it would be well worth the time.

~

There are so many issues and questions up in the air, and any of the related factors could change at any given point. I try not to consume my thoughts with my predicament, but some days it is a real struggle. My husband continually encourages me to pursue my goals wholeheartedly, and he knows my struggle in decision-making. The answer is not going to just fall into my lap necessarily; I am going to have to make actual choices that are actually going to directly affect the future. Very little moves me to anxiety like matters such as this.

~

Immaturity in my ability to confidently make decisions? Yes.

Great at ideals and goals but weak in the day-to-day choices that will affect such dreams? Yes.

Guided by fear that often leads to inaction rather than action? Yes.

~

This is why I have found myself imploring the Lord for wisdom more this week than I have in some time. If I know what I need to do, I want the courage to simply take that step and make the decision! I do not want to be driven by fear, but rather by trust in our Sovereign Lord and confidence in the ministry for which He has prepared for both me and my husband.

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." ~Isaiah 26:3

Favorite Photo(s) Friday

My husband knows what makes me smile - roses, a handwritten letter, and Chinese food for our first anniversary on Monday. What more could I have asked for??

Looking Back, Looking Forward on This Our First Anniversary

"I have come with one purpose to capture for myself a bride

By my life she is lovely, by my death she's justified..."

~

I woke up this morning in almost complete disbelief that an entire year has passed since we exchanged our vows. As I was getting out of bed, as I was sharing the breakfast with my husband that he so sweetly prepared, as we were opening the Precious Moments gift from his parents, and on my drive to work, my mind has been flooded with memories. Memories from that life-changing day and memories from this past year... Was I anticipating a marriage filled with laughter, tears, growth, and happiness? Absolutely. Did I I anticipate that it was going to be THIS overwhelmingly good? Not at all.

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There is a singular reason why we chose Steven Curtis Chapman's "What I Really Want To Say" as the song for our first dance as husband and wife - my husband so often leaves me completely speechless. And not because of anything he has done in his own strength, but because of how much the Lord has done in and through him to impact my life. Anyone who knows me knows that I enjoy writing, reading, anything that has to do with communicating via the written word, but when it comes to my husband, I often struggle to narrow all of my thoughts and feelings into something clear and concise. For this reason, Chapman's words resound deep within:

What I really want to say is what the sun would say to the sky

For giving it a place to come alive

But my words get in the way of what I really want to say

~

When I say that my husband is truly perfect for me that's not a statement made from some idealistic perspective on life. When I say that my husband is truly perfect for me, I make such a statement within the frame of the Lord's ordaining of all events. In the hand of a sovereign God there is no "what might have been." My husband was ordained for me, and I for him, for the greater purpose of drawing us into deeper relationship with His Son. He saw fit for us to complement one another, living each day together with the hope and aim of bringing glory to His magnificent name. What an amazing God we serve, and He's not good because of the gifts He gives. He is good because He is the sovereign God, and only by His mercy and grace are we so fortunate to receive such undeserved blessing...

~

I still remember seemingly insignificant details of our wedding day, including some of the day before as we prepared for the ceremony. I remember the sheer relief that flooded my body as two of my dearest of friends arrived at my aunt's doorstep with Schlotsky's in their hands. I remember arriving at the hotel Friday evening only to find that our names weren't on the list, and then to have my friends calm me before I had a complete nervous breakdown. I remember my best friend making me take a Tylenol PM at 10:30pm on the dot to ensure that I had a full night's sleep. I remember McD's breakfast the next morning, and going to the beauty salon to the same stylist with the same friends I went with for senior prom (heehee). I remember my best friend taking my cell phone and informing me that I was not allowed to answer it for the rest of the day. I remember us requesting that my dad bring snacks for us to the church and him bringing a feast instead. I remember my friend Sarah ghetto-rigging a bustle on my dress with a single safety pin. I remember my face hurting from all of the smiling in pictures. I remember standing outside the doors of the sanctuary with tears streaming down my face as I heard the musicians begin "Wonderful Merciful Savior." I remember not being in a rush walking down the aisle as I took in the sound of "Amazing Grace" filling the sanctuary while not taking my eyes off of my groom's face. I remember the vows, and particularly choking up when we promised to be together in sickness and in health. I remember us walking down the aisle and hugging for what seemed like an eternity in the foyer. These are just a few of the highlights; there are countless, vivid sights and sounds from that wonderful day.

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As I think of how far we have come, I can't help but simultaneously think of whatever might still be in store. I anticipate the coming years with great excitement as I wonder how the Lord is going to continue moving and working in us as we continue on this journey together. So much of what has changed in me, changes for the better, are direct results of how the Lord has used my husband in my life. No other person seeks my good, the good that comes from seeking and knowing Christ more, more than my husband. No other person challenges and teaches me more than my husband, and no other person is more patient with me in my weaknesses and shortcomings. I have much to be grateful for as I fully acknowledge that I have done nothing to deserve this man.

~

So here's to wishing my groom a happy first anniversary! I am beyond blessed to be called your wife, and I look forward to whatever is in store for us with eager anticipation. From my heart to yours, I love you~

Ringing in the New Year with Fun, Fellowship, and Monopoly Money

We rang in the New Year with a Casino Night at the beloved Party Palace. It was such a creative idea - everyone there was given toy money to play with, there were several options of tables to play at, and we were all instructed to bring an unopened gift. At the end of the night, we got to pick out a gift to take home in order of who ended up with the most money. All I have to say is that my husband and I are exhausted, but it was all worth it for the great fun and fellowship we had!!

~ Ringing in the New Year with the friends from church for whom we are so thankful - This was such a great way to celebrate, closing out what has been a precious first year with my husband~

O Lord,

Length of days does not profit me

except the days are passed

in Thy presence, in Thy service, to Thy glory.

Give me a grace that precedes, follows, guides,

sustains, sanctifies, aids every hour,

that I may not be one moment apart from Thee,

but may rely on Thy Spirit

to supply every thought,

speak in every word,

direct every step,

prosper every work,

build up every mote of faith,

and give me a desire to show forth Thy praise;

testify Thy love, advance Thy kingdom.
I launch my bark on the unknown waters of this year,

with Thee, O Father as my harbour,

Thee, O Son, at my helm,

Thee O Holy Spirit, filling my sails. . .

(taken from Valley of Vision, cited at www.challies.com)